Oh well I guess we aren't considered real mother's to skids?!

Correct, you are not their real mother.

I'm sorry you didn't get recognition from the kids.  I am assuming (or hoping?) your DH DID since you are helping him take care of the kids.

Unfortunately, your DH has created this problem with his kids and honestly, I can understand why they didn't wish you a happy mother's day.  I'm not saying that your desire for order in your home isn't right... just that your DH has made you judge jury and prison guard.  They can clearly see that you are the reason why they have limits and are being forced to do things like give up phones and have reasonable bedtimes.  As you have told us before, your DH doesn't care about how his kids act and is only agreeing with you to basically "shut you up" at times.  So the kids see you as a negative influence in their life... even though we can understand why you want certain controls... your DH is only playing lip service to them so the kids don't really think that they are important.

In reality, your DH has made you the bad guy.. and their mother of course, is pushing that same agenda.  So, you can see why the kids might not be rushing you to present you with a MD gift.

The other thing working against you is their age.. yeah, they should be able to do better but at that age they still probably need to be reminded to do things like wish people happy MD's or birthdays etc...  Unless your DH told them this was something they should do... of course they would not be likely to do it on their own.

But, you sometimes have to pick your poison.  Do you want to be a disney SM and let the kids run rampant and be pampered? Or do you want your house to have a certain order and the kids learn to behave?  One may be less popular with them..lol.  But again, you should definitely be getting a big Happy Mother's Day from your DH for the gift you give him of helping him with his kids.

I share your exact feelings And said the same thing - another reason why I am disengaged without guilt. 

Happy Mother's Day! 

Does your husband acknowledge you for what you do for your step kids?

You know that your step kids do not really care for you, and you do not really care for them. So, why does it bother you? Do you think that it would be sincere if they did wish you a happy Mother's Day?

It's because you're EXPECTED to do all the mom stuff and like it and by God you better not expect a thank you or you're being unreasonable.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 Who on earth expects it?  I was never expected, asked or wanted to do ANY mom things for skid.  And I didn’t.  Not really. Is this your DH that expects you to do all of the mom things?  And he does not thank you?  If so…then your DH is a jackwagon. 

And no…we are NOT real mothers to the skid.  I always looked at myself as DHs wife.  I did very little stepmoming at all.  Not my job to raise someone else’s kid or even tell DH how to do it.   Boy did I bite my tongue A LOT!

Try to be like the friendly Aunt.  NOT MOM.  That is all.  Aunts don’t get involved in school thing, cooking, clothes, hygiene ect.  They say “hey…how was your day.  That’s awesome”  You can be interested in their lives…disengaging does not have to mean you are out and out rude to them.  But take NO responsibility for how they turn out

All 3 step adults wished me Happy Mother’s Day and one even got me a gift!  This is the first time they have wished me happy anything.  Finally I asked DH what was going on.  Apparently he told all of them that Mother’s Day included steps.  Thanks DH!  A first after 18 years of being ignored.

Tank. I think you're an absolutely wonderful SM. So even if they skids didn't acknowledge you since they're moody and ungrateful. Happy late Mother's day to you!!! I hope your DH at least acknowledged you, because you deserve it for putting up with all the s***!

This was the first year SS17 acknowledged me. He is trying to be a civilised decent human being.

Prior to this year, thank DOG no one considered me a real mother to the skids! What a bloody insult to be associated with them. Still cant stand SD21. Makes the folks on "Shameless" look high class.

Tankh, please know you're a great mom/sm and you don't need anyone to validate it for you. Your conscience is clear. You are a wonderful person and have done all you could. Don't allow that to damper your spirits. You are not alone as my SD27 didn't wish me Happy Mothers day either however, my SS28 did and my two children. To be honest I didn't even notice until my H asked. I don't have expectations of her and since becoming disengaged she's really off my radar now.

Best wishest and know you are amazing.