No, it isn't too much to expect a clean home and you shouldn't have to spend a weekend in your room avoiding this kid either. In some respects these are easier things to fix than your feelings for this boy. He's still quite young and I have the feeling he isn't going to get any better and your feelings for him are going to get worse.
You need to speak to your boyfriend about your feelings. You don't say your age- but you are not married to this man and this relationship has ruined your desire to have children.
I will be horrible here and say is this really the right man for you?
I know if I was young and still able to have children I would want to do so with a man who didn't already have kids. It sounds harsh- but I wouldn't even try to get on better terms with this child- I would just just get out and live my life free of this intolerable burden.

Ayemee it all sounds very sad to me-you are so young and have all your life ahead of you. Do you love this man enough to sacrifice your womb to him? Hoping and wishing it will get better will not make it better. I have learned enough from this site to say it will not get better- if you have left your boyfriend once and then gone back and things haven't changed how will they ever change?Next time you leave he will think you will be back again and everything will be as it was.
You should not have to sit in your car all day for an eight year old! I cannot predict the future, maybe BF will turn into wonderful parent, maybe you will have a child with him and maybe SS will be the perfect elder brother- or maybe in a few years you will eventually wake up and realise you gave your life to someone who doesn't deserve you and you will have a house full of boogers and worse...

This isn't a problem with the child; it's a problem with your boyfriend and his refusal to parent his child. It's only going to get worse, and if you haven't gotten him to step up to the plate in 6 years, I don't know why you'd expect him to change now. Have you made specific requests to your boyfriend? Does he at least try when you do? Have you considered counseling? Parenting classes for your boyfriend? If you love him and want to be with him, I would probably try that, failing which I'd be gone. If you can't stand the kid at 8, I can't even imagine what your life will be like when he's a teenager.

Speaking as someone who got involved with a guy with kids at 27, get out now. I was young too and I wish I had waited until I found someone without kids.

There are two very separate issues in your post that obviously impact each other. The first issue you need to deal with (and before you even think about having a child with this man) is the discipline/parenting stuff. If you and your boyfriend can’t get onto the same page in this space then I would seriously consider ending the relationship as otherwise you are in for years and years of friction and resentment.

The other issue is how you feel about your SS. While improved discipline may help to change his behaviour and in turn your feelings, there’s also a good chance your feelings won’t change much (if at all) so you need to think very seriously about how you will cope raising a kid for another 12+ years that you can’t stand.
I know from personal experience how hard it is. I’ve been a SM for almost 11 years now and despite trying very hard (I’m still trying), I’ve just never bonded with my SD – in fact I can’t stand her either. We have equal custody so I spend half my life raising a child I can’t stand and it’s really, really hard so think twice about doing it.

He drives me nuts, also won't brush his teeth without anyone telling him. I got home from work the other night at 10, after 14 hours at work, had some dinner, then was exhausted so wanted to go to bed, the SS wakes up, so OH decides he can't got to bed yet because he has to wait til SS goes back to sleep, FFS. He is babied and it drives me banana's!!!

It is our weekend to have him, I am rotten today because 1 I'm in for another long day today and wont get home til late and then won't be able to fully relax on the weekend because it's our weekend with SS. I'm tired, I'm sick of being overworked and then having to accommodate everyone else at home and I really just want some time for myself

I'm truly heartbroken because I feel like I can't stay in this relationship like this. My children, and I, are truly unhappy when his son is around. He's coddled. The whole house is his when he's here. There are no rules. There's no bed time. There is nothing but screaming, chaos, attitude, and anger from this child. He has to be the center of attention, and he's already displaying some sociopathic behavior at 6. We can't have pets because he likes to hurt them. He finds his fun in destroying things, and hurting people. He says awful things to his father when he can't have his way. I have never in my life disliked a child so much, and his father's inability to parent is the driving force behind his horrific behavior. We have no kind of relationship when this little devil is around... no sex, no alone time, no anything. He can't manage a relationship these weekends. He has higher standards for my children than his sociopath so I know he's capable of parenting, but not capable of doing so with his child. I never knew I was capable of feeling such rage, and it's so heartbreaking to know these issues only occur as a result of this child. It's not a healthy place for me to be, anymore. I truly love this man, but I deserve a man who can parent effectively.... or one that can do so equitably and fairly. I hope anyone in the same situation has enough strength to either seek healthy counsel for a better future, or can walk away to make their own.

*preved* I legit thought I was the only one who felt this way and I feel so guilty for it!!! I swear after I had my daughter my tolerance for children never dissipated until I got with my recent BF. SS was 2 about to be 3 when we met. The second we met he was intolerable and I hated feeling that way but I just COULD NOT stand the kid.

He's loud, obnoxious, inconsiderate, rude, physically violent. The list goes on and on. He makes CONSTANT FREAKIN NOISE to GET ATTENTION. He cannot go without attention or he purposely breaks things, makes noise, gets in your face. Like he just has zero ability to be alone for any period of time. If he is, he just does things to spite you. Like pooping his pants and throwing the underwear or diaper onto the floor and throwing toys at his wall. He's almost 4. F O U R.  If I'm with my daughter doing home work I ask him to go to his room and play, door open. The table is right in front of the door so it's not like he can't see us. He stands there and SCREAMS at the top of his lungs, throws all his toys, punches himself, hits himself off the walls, fake sobs. I'm not kidding when I say I've never actually seen this kid cry. He fake cries with zero emotion in his face and no tears at all. Like if he's "bawling" you go in and look at him and he has a dead straight face on. He just mimics the sounds of crying. 

but SD will ALWAYS cave and baby and coddle SS. He'll be like "DADDYYYY LET ME COME WIFF YOUUUU" (talking like a friggin baby) or "DADDY I WANT TO HELP YOU. LET ME HELP. LET ME HELP YOU NOW!!!" Like omfg. Are you kidding me?!

He says stuff like "don't even look at me", "I hate you", "I never like playing with you", "get away from me", "I only want daddy". Blah blah blah

i have had break downs, started smoking again, begging for interventional therapy. SD says there's nothing wrong with him. 

for the entire beginning of my moving in after a few months, it seemed tolerable... then that's when he started hurting my kid and also, this one was a doozy, playing in his own fecal matter. Smearing all my daughters clothes and toys through it if she left anything near his room.

he is now almost 4 and has the mentality of a 2 year old. He still has a baby monitor and a baby lock on his door because he comes out in the morning if it is off and breaks all our stuff or gets into food and pours it everywhere. He's uncontrollable. He constantly lies. Like all the time. Lies you can easily verify aren't true at all. Then he laughs when he admits he lied. He walks around talking about his butthole. He's pulled up my shirt when I asked him not to to look at my breasts. 

if you're in the kitchen making something he'll be right behind you and get upset when you accidentally step on his foot or just simply tell him you need some space to do stuff. He's constantly up your butt and it's SO ANNOYING!!! 

he's a tiny bully with his dad wrapped all around his finger. His dad calls him "bubbies" and it just makes my skin crawl it's so friggin annoying.

If I try to be nice to the kid he ruins it by doing something dumb like breaking one of my kids toys and laughing about it, throwing garbage around, wasting snacks. My god he's always begging for SNACKS. His dad will give him like 20 snacks a day and waste all the groceries. Then his kid gets a stomach ache and won't eat dinner and he wonders why.

ive never had to tell someone how to parent so much in my life. 

My daughter has grown to be calloused to a lot of other kids now because he would intentionally hurt her for legit no reason. Closing doors on her fingers, slamming her NECK in the toy box when she went for a toy, smacking her for no reason. When I left him over it he finally put his kid in line but my GOD it was awful while it was happening. I told him if he didn't control his kid I would call CPS and have someone intervene bc he had serious issues!!! 
now he tries to hurt our animals here and there, and occasionally he pushes my daughter(5 almost 6) to which she currently rocks his sh!t and my BF gets mad at me for laughing. Like sorry, but your kid had this coming for a whole year. 
 

My daughter isn't an angel either, don't get me wrong. At that age, she had some minor tantrums but nothing to the degree of SS. I often wonder if that's my issue with him is I know there's something wrong with him and not with my daughter. 
 

The worst part of all of this is I thought eventually his bio mom would come back and get custody of him. BUT she went off the rails, abandoned her two other kids (one of which is currently a drug addict at 14 years old), and did a bunch of dumb crap to get herself locked up in jail for years. SD is going to take her off the birth certificate and is going this week to get full custody of him forever.

This kid is the reason I don't want anymore babies with SD. I'm so scared another one would be like this one and I cannot stand him. Idk what to do now because I had high hopes he would go away.

I hardly interact with him and when I do I'm obviously irritated for the most part.

Sadly bc I thought he was going to leave when I moved in, it was easier to pretend to be alright with all the bs happening. Dealing with Bio BM. Dealing with SS. *boredom* Now I legit don't know if I can stay. I'm a stay at home mom Rn bc of covid and he wants to send SS and my daughter to expensive private school which I would have to drive them to everyday. But idk if I can even do it. Honestly I might just have to get a job, grab my sh!t and run away. 
honestly this post ain't even the tip of the ice burg of my problems with this kid. But omfg I JFC list all of my irritations!!!! 
 

if I was you I would plan to make the same move bc it's so not worth it. Difference in parenting just ruins everything. 

I am smilling,because I see those situations ALL the time. I have same one as well..feeling same as you:) i tried everything. Everything. Nothing is working. Tried to talk with my partner - nothing is working. I like discipline and that kid doesnt have any discipline. My bf excuse is - that kid (4 years old almost) is too small to be disciplined or something like that. I agree with most of oppinions where people said: its just because its a race - dad is trying to win kid,mom is trying to win kid because they are divorced. In the end we have a spoiled brat...

By the way,in the beggining I thought that only those who doesnt have children feeling this way...which is kinda normal..when I went into this topic ,i noticed,that even those who divorced and having few kids - still can not stand their new partner kids...

Hey, I could really do with some advice and after finding this page and reading all the comments I am happy you see I'm not the only one that finds there boyfriend son annoying. I'm 24 years old and I have been with my partner for 3 months, we definitely rushed into out relationships because I'm already living with him and have decided to rent my place so I have no choice but be around all the time as well I work from home. My boyfriend has a 5 year old son that he looks after full time as the mum is not in the picture... he works so hard so I try to I help out as much as possible. But I feel like I'm not  getting any time to focus on myself, on top of that his son always wants attention and thinks he knows everything... when you try to correct him he will make a cheeky comment that I find rude. He makes it clear I'm not his mum but then on occasions wants to show me Iove or wants a cuddle. His son has no manners and out in public and is always crying if he cannot get his open way and I know he's young but he acts like a spoilt brat and if I try to discipline him he just says my daddy said and ignores me. I love my boyfriend and he has done so much to support  me and I honestly feel like I've met my match and want me to have a future with him and I know he wants the same. But I cannot get rid of the feeling that I'm always going to be second best. It's so hard. I cry when I think of leaving him coz I couldnt imagine it.... I've even had thought of having my own to maybe even the playing field lol... but that not the right reason to bring a child into this world. I genuinely lost and dunno what to do... any advice? Should I move out...? I've mentioned it to him so and I should move out and he get upset and wants me to stay ... what should I do?