Hi. So relieved to read this forum. I've partnered up with a lovely man for the first time in my adult life. Its been almost 3 years.Our children are all adults and respectful, apart from SD 30 . The last two years have felt nightmarish due to her behaviour and my not understanding and thinking I was the only SM this was happeing to. At first she encouraged her dad and I, however as she saw us becoming a team and realised she didn't have control over us her awful jealous behaviour reared its head! Oneday I needed to assertively and kindly say no to her over a situation. ( it could have been anything that was the trigger) and the next time we rang to ask to take DH's 2 year old Grandson out she refused the request saying that I was not to be trusted around her son. My reaction was total shock and anger. I have 5 children and 7 Grandies and babysat many little ones in my life, so being told I'm not trustworthy around a wee boy was at the time a monstrous thing to be told. It then filtered out into our small community mixed up with other lies.I've spent months biting my tongue, not defending myself, changing the subject....though I sure have wanted to say my bit!
Since then we have gone through many stages of talking, emotions,etc and lots of her manipulations to try to separate her father and I or at least gain back control of us..of her dad.
I've read " Stepmonster" which has been absolutely great to help me understand whats been happening and why, and I found this site. Thank god. Im not crazy or a horrible person. This is universal. I read many of your stories and usually they fit in exactly with my own. Thank you for sharing.
Here comes a new year to mull over a little. After many angst filled months, time with DH Grandson now 4 years old has been reestablished. There are still stupid crappy behaviours hanging around. We live in a rural area on the same road and don't visit each other anymore. Im over it all. I have just chosen to give myself permission to disengage. I have DH absolute support and understanding. He said we are a team . He gets her behaviour. She doesnt. Oneday she may and then take responsibility for her actions and words. But hey...Im disengaging. This year Im choosing to only have close involvement with people that show respect. That are kind, fun and at the least if there are problems to sort out can be honest. Its not always easy. But manipluation and control so pointless. Its hard to remember her behaviour is not about me at all.Really hard but getting easier. I've just been a scapegoat. I need to remind myself to keep handing it back to her and get on with my own life. Disengaging sounds mighty good to me. Thanks for letting my get it all out in a safe place. All the best for this New Year x