Nope never...... hell i do not even get a good morning or hello why should I expect a Happy birthday }:) }:)

Doesn't bother me at all, for 3 years, I bought presents and baked cake and did everything, and not even then did I get anything in return, so I stopped.....

SO once did something nice for me, bought a fav cake and made dinner at his house, he told Aergia and friend not to touch the cake cause it's my birthday cake.... when the time came for him to bring it out... it was half eaten, SO was livid and had a screaming match with his daughter, she knew why it was there, she knew what he planned and he told her to leave it... guess what she told him... oh eff off if I want cake I will have it I give a shyt if it's your wh@res or not.. that was also the last year SO did anything for me on my birthday

Nope but it doesn't bother me. I am not a person of importance in her life and that is fine with me, I don't need that kind of acknowledgement from her.

My skids are still in elementary school. Several times over the years they've made me cards for my birthday and gave me the mother/parent gifts they make at school. I assume it'll fade over time and they'll stop doing it.

My DH is a horrible gifter. He'd either forget completely or tell me what he planned on getting me and never follow through. After the second year together I made a deal with him that I'd just buy my own gifts for birthdays and Christmas. He's surprised me a few time since then. I couldn't imagine him actually helping the skids get me anything.

It doesn't really bother me.

No, they don't. Last year, they didn't even say hello or goodbye to me at the birthday dinner MIL insisted on having. The whole thing was a comedy of errors and dysfunction, that required DH and I to rush home early from a weekend away he had planned for me. So, this year, no birthday dinners. They only acknowledge DH's birthday because they are usually with us and I usually plan something. But, they never get him a present and don't even get him a card.

My SSs don't ever get DH a Christmas present, so I would probably fall down dead if they got something for me. Last year, BM gave DH some pictures from a family portrait session she had scheduled. She then tried to use that against him, saying, "I even had family pictures taken and you didn't even thank me!!" um, we didn't request your family photos and we had formal pictures taken, including SSs at our wedding that year, so we're set).

I know they get Christmas presents for their "family" with BM because one year she made a big deal about reminding DH to "make sure they send home the presents they bought for their family at the Christmas fair." I was like, "isn't DH part of their family?", but of course, if BM was giving them money, she never would have been ok with them getting DH a present. What I don't understand is why they don't want to or don't try to make something for their dad. I always wanted to get something for my dad, even if it was some ridiculous ornament or coaster that I bought at school. They get nothing and they don't even accept my help when I offer.

Of course, they expect to get things and sometimes, they will say they don't like something right upon opening it. It's so one-sided.

Nope, and we make efforts to make sure the skids aren't with us for my birthday, too.

Ironically, SS8 (!) recently explained to us that people are worth less--specifically 25% less--when they don't give you gifts, so I guess that gives me a pass, right?

My OSD42 texts her father to tell me happy birthday. Doesn't tell me herself. That way she can say "I tried to be nice to SM but she's the one with the problem not me dadddddyyyyy"

SD9 does make me a card for my birthday (but she's almost never with us then) and for Mother's Day and sometimes DH takes her to the store to get me a gift that he buys and she puts her name on. I've never expected any of this, and if it stopped tomorrow I would be okay. Sometimes it actually feels disingenuous or contrived because she doesn't put much effort into the process but then gets to take credit and expect big "thank you's" from me (like even if DH did it all and she wasn't even here for the gift-giving.)

In that case, I'd rather just thank my DH, not be forced to thank her for something she had nothing to do with and maybe wanted nothing to do with in the first place. I've known her most of her life though, (since age 3) and she's accepted that I'm here to stay.
Interestingly she doesn't make much effort for DH, and that bothers me because then it all falls to me.

I think by almost 10 a child should be able to think a little ahead and take some initiative - like, hey, dad's birthday is coming up- I need to make him something! Or, I need to get to the store, Stepmom can you take me today? and look, I have this bank full of money so I can buy him a little gift! But she never thinks to do anything for him, until it's the day of then she makes him a crappy card in 5 minutes. I sometimes take her to the store if she's with us the week before his birthday, buy him something myself, and we put her name on it. Just seems like she's not using her brain or putting any effort into it- and who cares if she doesn't want to do that for me- but for her Dad? She should step it up a little.

But I'm grateful for the fact that DH makes a point of recognizing me in her presence. There are 5 of us in the family now, SD9, DD3, DS almost 2, DH and me. The little ones are our kids together. In recent years we've gotten SD more involved in the process of celebrating each other, not just celebrating her. She wasn't that into it before, because she was an only child for so long, and completely overindulged by both him and BM, but she's getting to be more into it now. This year when DD turned 3 she actually found something cute to give her, and she helped me bake and decorate a cake.

I agree with miss joyful that it's important to teach kids to be selfless. Otherwise they're just inherently selfish beasties.
If I had to live with ungrateful step-brats who hated me and couldn't acknowledge me on my birthday that would certainly sting. I guess though, as a somewhat disengaged stepparent- it wouldn't matter- it would only matter how *DH* and my bios treated me on my birthday.

OP- if you're doing lots for your step kids, i.e., planning parties, buying them gifts, baking goodies etc, and your skids know it- then your DH NEEDS to get those kids in line to celebrate you back - something special needs to done to recognize you on your special day. Otherwise I believe you should start stepping way back and stop doing so much. If they don't appreciate it, they don't need it.

The skids cannot be bothered to acknowledge my DH's birthday so they certainly won't acknowledge mine. They don't acknowledge DH on Father's Day either, nor have they ever bought him a Christmas gift or so much as given him a homemade Christmas card.

Since I disengaged, DH constantly forgets when it's a skid birthday and I find that absolutely hilarious. Had they been nicer to me, I would have continued reminding DH. Now they can all go suck rocks.

SS and now also SGS do and have always acknowledged me on birthday, Mother's Day and Christmas and on non-routine events in my life. Whether that event be a good or a sad one (such as my father's death, and mother's illness, my own several health events ect.)

They never did, if I occasionally got something it was a passive aggressive present, ie something so cheap or crap that that it was a hostile act.

However, since DH stopped CS for both his daughters this year, SUDDENLY I got a quite nice 60th birthday present in September. Hmmm. Wonder if it could have a teensy bit to do with the fact that any further money he gives them is entirely dependent upon our goodwill? }:)

I never give either of them presents any longer, after they ignored DH's 50th birthday 4 years ago.

I was once invited out to a birthday 'lunch' by my OSD and her brood. Of course, she chose the day, time and venue- gave some balloons, some tatty gifts and a card and then proceeded to dominate the conversation until she finally had a full blown tantrum and wept copious tears because her kids weren't normal. Never again!

Yes they do but I'm very lucky. DH's older children, SS35 and SD33, have always been good to me. Since they are nearly my age, we get along like mates. One year they even sent me flowers. For my 40th birthday nearly 2 years ago, they threw me a party at SS35's house. I also get along with BM1, their BM/DH's first wife.

SS15 gets me a card and small present too. Although he's a teen now and does infuriating things, he's really quite harmless. BM2 has tried to get him to hate me but he doesn't understand mind games as he's on the spectrum. Really makes BM2 quite mad and jealous so it's amusing to watch her freak out.

I'm quite lucky with skids. SS15 used to be a whole lot worse behaviour wise but now he's pretty much like any other annoying, smelly, teen boy. I did pay my dues to get here though

I get calls from both skids on my Birthday (no gifts), I think SO prompts the calls but they are both sweet enough to text or call me. On Christmas they will either both buy me one gift or each get me something small. They have made art at school and given that to me as a gift. I feel pretty lucky on the sliding scale of skid behavior because I know there are those of you that have it way worse then me.

First couple of years with SO yes, they did acknowledge me. They even wished me a Happy Mother's Day! However once SO officially moved in with me, it stopped for the most part. MSD or YSD would text me or make me a card on occasion but that is it. OSD and MSD stopped with SO as well at that time. YSD stopped with SO about 3 years ago. Up until that point she would sneak small gifts in for her dad and not take them out of her bag until she knew BM left. She even waited and watched until she seen the car pull out of the driveway and was out of sight.
When they completely stopped acknowledging SO, I stopped acknowledging them for the most part.

That's a good question, Stepmom101. My situation is similar to yours in this sense: "We always have a Birthday Family Dinner out to eat for everyone else. NEVER have we had a Family Birthday Dinner for Me." Funny, but I never really noticed that before or thought about it that way. DH and I have been married for approx. 17 years now. I have never gotten one B-day or Holiday card from the (now) adult SKs. Way back, I did get a Christmas ornament from SD once and one year I got a Christmas gift from my SS's fiancé, but SS seemed almost put off by it. The last two years, tho., I have gotten Christmas gifts when we all get together, but that is about it.

Like a lot of what you think would be obvious or dumb-dumb stuff, as soon as you throw the term SM and SK in there, suddenly it becomes complicated and even controversial. I myself have gone back and forth on this. Like you stated Stepmom101, everyone else's B-day is recognized and MOST importantly is expected to be recognized. Why not yours? On the other hand, SKs may feel weird giving a card to someone they see as only connected to their father.

Having said that, however, if there were a neighbor or shirttail relative who cooked and cleaned for you, looked out for you here and there, helped you with your homework, and so on, wouldn't you at least in some way acknowledge their presence around the Holidays? I remember leaving gifts for the mail person or teachers or tutors. I now think that once SKs are adults, they really should step up to the plate and at least acknowledge dad's wife or long-term SO around the Holidays. Birthdays?, I guess you could argue that is more personal. But, this is one of those slippery slopes and may be why SKs, even as adults, don't feel any need to acknowledge dad's wife. If for years they've gotten buckets of B-day cards, gifts, and have never had to do the same for SM, then, again, here is another reason for them to think of you as a lesser person.

I'd like to think that the last couple of years I have at least gotten a Christmas gift was because SKs are growing up and starting to accept me more (yes, after 17 years!?). But, what it may actually be due to is that a couple of Christmases ago, DH got several gifts and I got none. DH, almost innocently I think, made the comment, "Where is XYZ's gifts?" The adult SKs and their partners looked sheepish and said nothing. The following year was when I started getting gifts. Once again, dad has to send the message that SM matters to, or it ain't gonna work. (By the way, any gift they were ever given, the card was signed by DH for both he and I, and in the past I sometimes picked out and purchased the gifts.)

i get acknowledged only when dh mentions something. they can hardly be bothered to send a father card for this birthday.

last year he got one of those generic card (40 to a box) on his birthday and it was two days late. of course they gush about his being their bff and gladly accept all the money he throws after them.

SS12 doesn't tell me anything or give me anything but always expects me to give him something. And when he gets it, he just tosses it to the side like it's not worth even looking at.

Absolutely not. I don't get a greeting, card, nothing. The first year me and DH were married they were over Christmas Eve. I said Merry Christmas when they left. (DH and I were going away.) They said nothing. I know they heard me. I don't even think they know when my birthday is. I guess they think I don't get a birthday.

I wised up and stopped giving them birthday and Christmas gifts. DH and I were discussing birthday plans the year before last, SS15 chimed in and asked were we talking about his birthday. I said absolutely not.

Those Step Spawns are selfish and feel everyone is alive to give them a gift.

Heck, I don't even get a good morning, good night, hi or goodbye from SS12. I've started disengaging from him to save myself from hurt feelings.

Yep my SS-25 does recognize me on special occasions. But then again he did ask me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen. I have been his dad since he was 15mos old.

Not for the last two years, since DH stopped doing it for them. DH was thinking about it this year, musing aloud and thinking I'd respond. Nope not parenting for you DH.

I don't help them too much with his bday stuff, but just a little.

I also withdrew from much bday help.

Nope, I don't ever get a hello or goodbye from SS16, and he doesn't acknowledge DH for his birthday, fathers day, or Xmas....sooooo..... pigs would fly before I was aknowledged.

blueskies4me said: “I’m not keen on false platitudes or being fake for appearances”.

This is 100% me.

Skid doesn’t acknowledge my birthday, but I think that’s because she lives far, FAR away, and no one makes her.

She’s here for Christmas, every year, though. She acknowledges me at Christmas, I guess, by MIL giving me a gift “from skid”. Just one of MIL’s games to get me to fawn over skid and treat her like one of my own. Yeah, not happening.

I don’t engage with DH and our children when they FaceTime or call skid in her birthday. And at Christmas I ghost the crap out of her from the moment she steps off the plane until the moment she boards to go home.

Your husband should encourage and lead them to do something reasonable for your birthday. That teaches them they are expected to reciprocate any effort you make for their birthdays and sort of sets expectations that you are not merely someone from whom they take (which is the dynamic with my adult SD now). You may not be their mom, but if you're expected to do anything for their birthdays, then it's just right and healthy to teach them to reciprocate. And that's decent manners - nothing more.

Well, my birthday was on the weekend. I remembered this post and thought I would reply with my answer today. No acknowledgement whatsoever from either SD19 or SD17. Even DH asked if they wished me a Happy Birthday. Nothing, nada. He was very disappointed in both of them.

I get zero. Never anything from either SS ever. I would text them on their birthdays and so would my DD who is now 17. They could not even be bothered with her on her bday. No text, nothing. One Christmas my YSS and his wife were headed to our house. My husband asked if they had a gift for my DD. My SS said no. He told them not to bring anything for us if they did not have anything for her. They came anyway to get their gifts. The following year- they added her to the $20 gift card they normally get us. Classy

BM, me, and YSD6 have birthdays within the same week of each other and within one week of a major holiday. Let me tell you how fun that is... LOL.

My SDs get their mom an actual gift, one that they make themselves or buy. On my birthday, they make little signs that say "Happy Birthday Lulu" and tape them on the walls throughout our house. I think that's very kind and perfectly acceptable. I feel like I have a pretty good relationship with my SDs at this point and I'm really grateful for that, especially since I know there are some SMs on here who have to deal with wretched skids.

I would celebrate their birthdays - enjoy the meal out and have a drink! Then relish in them not celebrating with you! That would be the best gift EVER!

I would celebrate their birthdays - enjoy the meal out and have a drink! Then relish in them not celebrating with you! That would be the best gift EVER!

Funny this is posted..as im having a bit of a mental breakdown over SS17 reluctance to go to school and SOs exscuses for his sons lazy behaviour
I like most on here have a fucked up step situation. SS17 has recently moved in with SO, BD2 AND BD9 as well as my parents- yep- i live at home...at any rate...it was my birthday in september not once did SS17 aknowledge nor say Happy Birthday- even though we bought pizza and pasta that day for my birthday
needless to say birthdays and holiday presents are up to SO going forward, SS turns 18 in february- after a few back handed comments to me, im not sure if ill be up to the challenge, not because he didnt say anything because of the few remarks over the years...its hard not to care, but practice makes perfect.

Never.

I still celebrate them because it's the right thing to do.