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Sd calls me grandma

Dreary's picture

Submitted by Dreary on Wed, 09/20/2017 - 12:16pm

Sd is calling me grandma all the time now. It's great when she is referring to the babies but when she asked me if I wanted a drink she calls me grandma or she will say grandma is in the bathroom to dh. Why is she doing this?

Sd and the babies are in a routine now and dh is back at work full time. Sd goes back to school next Monday and this week we are hiring a nanny. We have a few that we like. Sd has asked my opinion after each interview on what I thought and she made notes. I saw the notes later and she referred to me as grandma yes or grandma no and then the explanation of why I said no. I think she is really listening to me and taking my advice. She has a cold so I fed the babies and gave them their baths last night and this morning it was thank you city so I know she is appreciative.

Bm is flipping out on sd and trying to get her to move back home but sd seems to be standing her ground. Bm flipped when she heard sd call me grandma, that was her name and sd told her to chill she can be nana. :jawdrop: She is telling sd she will be evicted if sd doesn't come home soon. I panicked (sd had her on speaker phone) thinking it would make sd change her mind but after they hung up sd hugged dh and said she was so happy she didn't have to live like that anymore and she knows she will always have water and power but she feels bad for her siblings. Dh told her that its okay to feel bad but her first priority now are her children and she shook her head yes.

Sd said last night she has $200 left over till the first from the money dh gave her and she asked dh to help her open a savings account. I'm really proud of sd although this seems to good to be true. I love those babies and I am terrified sd will still pull them away from me.

Comments

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 09/20/2017 - 12:22pm

Glad SD is holding strong and doing the right thing.

Good for you that you are helping and being supportive. I'm sure your DH appreciates this.

I don't know what to say about your fear because it is unfortunately a rational worry given BM's manipulation and SD's immaturity. All I will have to say is that sometimes we have to do the right thing even if it means we may get hurt. You can always know you did the right thing. No one can take that from you.

moving_on_again's picture

Submitted by moving_on_again on Wed, 09/20/2017 - 12:40pm

Same boat. We've spent thousands on SS moving in with us including buying him a car, building him a room, and buying a phone. We are using an attorney that's a friend so we haven't had to fork over any money yet but I'm sure it's going to be a few thousand more.

We visited with the attorney yesterday. We can't file until Oct. 1 because MSD is back at BM's and she still has the opportunity to enroll in college until Oct. 1.

I was so stressed about yesterday, I am back to stress puking.

I can't even imagine if babies were involved, I would be a mess.

I got my fingers crossed for both of us.

bearcub25's picture

Submitted by bearcub25 on Wed, 09/20/2017 - 1:23pm

I'm glad to see you are in a better place with SD and the babies. It is great that your SD is showing maturity and realizing that you are a help to her and is appreciative.

Believe me, I have worried many times my DIL would leave my DS, he is an ass at times, and I would never see my gkids again.

I call my Mom Grandma and my kids call me Nana a lot....its just habit and at least it isn't a nasty name.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Wed, 09/20/2017 - 1:23pm

You know, my favorite thing to do when I feel like I'm in a situation that may result in someone hurting me is getting it all out in the car. I run through worst case senarios and get all my feels out, then by the time the car ride is over I always feel a little more together to handle whatever impending heartache I feel is out there.

Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I'm really glad to hear this is going well for you and I hope that it stays that way. Having a baby or babies does change some people.

At the same time, people do get territorial. My step father has been with my mother for over half my life. Only in the last 3 years has my bio-father really come back into my life and my step dad definitely feels some type of way about it-only because he doesn't want me hurt and as far as he's concerned I'm his 2nd child. I make sure to tell him that he's my favorite and I love him the most (even more than Mom-which tweaks her :P) because he is and I do-he didn't have to love me, he didn't have to help me, he chose to-just like I chose to for my SS now. Just keep that in the back of your head, BM may change, SD may change, those feelings won't go away but you have to believe enough in yourself that you've done right by the situation and that has to be enough. You've done good Dreary.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Wed, 09/20/2017 - 2:23pm

Yes she could hurt you by taking the babies away and moving back in w/BM. She could move across the country in the future or withhold them even if she was your own daughter, children do this to their own bio parents all the time. You have no idea what's going to happen with this situation in the future. She could meet a boy, run off, have more babies and dump the current ones on you and DH. My daughters friend did this very thing to her parents.

So just relax and enjoy the babies. It sounds like you and DH have gotten SD and the twins to a good place. That's really nice that she's so receptive to you being grandma.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Wed, 09/20/2017 - 11:01pm

Hopefully she stays on this path. I’ve gotten the habit of calling my mom grandma all the time now, even with no kids around. Don’t think anything of it.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Mon, 09/25/2017 - 3:15am

WHy is SD calling you Grandma... it's easy, there's no more BM who poisons her mind against you and trying to manipulate her to be evil to you, SD just went from carefree teen girl to a mother herself and hopefully she will stay on this path, realizing that it's you and DH who's supporting her all the way, you opened your house to her when her mother chucked her out, you are the one who's helping her, and simply stay friendly with her and the babies.

You have the opportunity to have bond for life with SD and BM out of the picture, you have the opportunity to show to SD that even though you are not her mother she can depend on you, yes I know of SM's who has great relationships with their once evil skids and today those skids are more for SM then for their own parents, these things do happen.

The only thing you will have to remember, the Twins are not your babies, SD is legally their mother, and if she decides the day to leave with them, there's nothing you can do about it, if SD is age 18/19 competed school and has her own place and income, or maybe married to a man who takes these babies in, there's nothing you can do about it, no court will take them away from SD and hand them to you, Be the Grandma, and make sure you and SD stay on this path....then you will grow old with the twins as your Grand babies , yes they will move out, SD will go on with her life, but she will visit always and you will stay part of the babies lives