You are here

OT: Having a Hard Time

Annoyed1's picture

Submitted by Annoyed1 on Sun, 08/06/2017 - 6:18pm

I just need to make this post. I'm not necissarily even looking for feedback, I'm just hoping that doing this will maybe make me feel better. ANY better.

I'm currently 36 1/2 weeks pregnant. I'm high risk due to my blood pressure (and possibly age? I'm 35). I have to get a biophysical profile done on my baby once a week. He's doing great! Me, not so much Sad

I don't even know how to say this. Yesterday, I was cleaning out my car, and we have (had) four dogs. Me and my husband each came into the relationship with 2 dogs each, and we can't just get rid of them, they're family so they stay. My husband called in the dogs. I assumed they all went inside. I was wrong. So wrong Sad I backed up my car to park it back in its spot. I put it in reverse and heard my 12 year old best friend )who I had since 6 weeks old) crying. My husband came running out, grabbed her and ran inside with her. I sat in my car bawling my eyes out. I went inside and I knew she wasn't ok. She was doing such a good job puttin on a brave face for her mommy (me), but I knew. She couldn't walk. Her back end wasn't ok. I called the vet and we drove out. I fractured her pelvis in 3 spots. They couldn't help her Sad my option was to put her on pain meds and take her home and see how she does or put her down. I couldn't bear to see her in pain. I couldn't watch her suffer, knowing that she wouldn't make it, because of her age. I killed my best friend. As they put the needle in her leg, she was licking my face, trying to tell me "it's ok". It's not ok. I'm not ok. I ended up in the hospital last night because of my blood pressure. They put me on an IV because I guess I was having contractions. They were 2.5 minutes apart. My cervix was closed so once the IV was done, and my blood pressure was back to "normal" they sent me home. I can't eat, I can't sleep. I just cry and wish I could be put out of my misery. I keep reliving the entire incident in my head.

My husband has been trying. He was at the vet, crying with me, holding me while I cried throughout the night. He's been trying to get me to eat. I told him that he should just go and try to enjoy his weekend. Now I'm mad at him because he is out trying to do that. He went fishing/drinking with a friend.

Part of me is actually happy he left because now I can sit here, cry and watch my shows on tv. I'm just not making any sense with how I feel besides complete and utter heart break and guilt.

I loved that dog more than any dog in the world. Ever. Everyone knew she was my favourite, including my other dogs. She will be missed Sad

Comments

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Sun, 08/06/2017 - 6:48pm

I'mm so sorry to hear this. I lost one of my dogs last January, and the other one (who is now 15) has some kind of growth in her lungs and won't be with us for much longer. We've got her on medicines to make her more comfortable...but the vet only gave us 2 weeks worth because she said we should probably put her down within the month...she'll give us another 2 weeks if we ask.

I am sad about losing this one, but I also know she's had a long, full life. I was devastated about my other dog...he was also my favorite, and he was only 8. I felt responsible because I was out of town on NYE and had a housesitter...and apparently didn't fully impress upon her the need to keep the dogs well-contained during fireworks. I got home, and he was wandering out in the neighborhood having frantically dug out under our fence. I instantly noticed that his belly was swollen in a weird way, so I rushed him to the Emergency Hospital since our regular vet wasn't open...but he didn't even make it into the building. I got in the back seat with him and tried to move him...but he just put his paw on my lap like he was telling me to stay and wouldn't budge...then he put his head on my lap and kept me there with him for a few minutes until he passed. I felt so guilty about losing him for so long, even though I know it was a total accident.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sun, 08/06/2017 - 11:35pm

I am so sorry, I am not a pet person but your grief and distress are clearly evident, even to me. If you can see a therapist in the next few days they might help you to find ways to ease your feelings of guilt and how to grieve and still have energy left for your little one when they arrive. Grieving is important as well as keeping your health in check and being in a good mind frame for your baby when he/she is born.

This is a tough time for you. Reach out to those you can for any and all help and support you need. Be easy on yourself.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Mon, 08/07/2017 - 12:01am

Try googling "pet grieving support." There are on-line support groups and in-person support groups as well. I can't personally recommend any of them, but you might find one helpful.

I know nothing anyone says right now is going to make much of a difference in how you feel. Try and cut yourself some slack - this was a terrible accident and your pup doesn't blame you. She will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge. (If you aren't familiar, google Rainbow Bridge and you will find a lovely poem about the loss of a pet.)

Please take care of yourself and your baby.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Mon, 08/07/2017 - 4:40am

It can be hard to think when we're in the midst of strong emotions. But I can tell you, the best advice I ever received is that guilt is a feeling for when we do something wrong ON PURPOSE. Responsibility is what we feel for our actions. You made a mistake, and you feel the heavy weight of responsibility.

But it was an accident. And you did what you could to make things better. You didn't let your lovely girl suffer. You were strong, even though it hurt.

Later, when you reach something approaching calm again, you will remember that and know your dog loved you, no matter what.

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Mon, 08/07/2017 - 8:52am

I am so, so sorry. I love my pets like my children too. This was a terrible accident, but it was an accident.

I don't think you can help but cry and grieve--you're a mess of pregnancy hormones on top of normal sadness. Please take care of yourself and that new baby. Focus on one thing at a time -- have you had liquids lately? Have you had nourishing food? Can you sleep for a bit? Just the basics. You can do it.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Mon, 08/07/2017 - 10:15am

I'm so sorry about your furbaby!! It was an accident. Please do your best to breathe and get some nourishment - even if it's in the form of protein shakes. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}