If I were dad I would give her a dress code for leaving the house. "Oh, sweetie, I see you're having trouble dressing again. I'll go pick out an outfit for you." That ought to send her racing to her room to get there first. To be clear, Dad should be the one saying that.

As for you, you can grab the stuff you bought and return it or donate it if already worn. That ought to cure her of complaining about her clothes.

Next, institute a system of chores for clothes. She wants new jeans? That's 5 mopped kitchens, 10 dust the living rooms, keep your room and bathroom clean every day for 30 days, and 5 vacuum the whole house.

She's long overdue for learning to pitch in and she also clearly needs to appreciate the clothes she gets.

It is pretty typical but I would put a squash to the behavior as fast as you can. It not something you want carrying over into young adulthood that's for sure.

I'm confused... Are YOU spending money on her or is your DH and you take her shopping?? YOU don't have to spend a penny on her unless you want to do so. Not your circus; not your monkey.

She gets out of cleaning up after dinner because her parents let her. Do not clean up after her. Let her father do it. When he's tired of picking up after his little darling, he'll make her do it.

My middle DD is always asking for stuff. The last time she said she had no clothes to wear... I literally emptied her dresser and closet, gathered whatever was in the laundry, dumped all of it on her bed, and told her to start trying stuff on so that we could figure out what fit and what didn't.

She had a small fit...which I put an end to immediately...mama don't play that way.

I told her that I'm not going to blindly buy her new clothes, because she already had more than what fit in her dresser and closet...and unless I was certain she didn't have enough, I wasn't going to do a damn thing about it.

She did go through the clothes - some didn't fit... by the end of it, she still had enough outfits to wear something different for 3 weeks without having to do laundry....

...got no clothes, huh?

She hasn't asked since.

She's nearly the same height/weight as me, so now and then I throw her a bone and let her borrow something of mine... as long as she gives it back in the same condition as it was in when I let her borrow it.

oh teen girls lol.. they never have anything to wear.

SO went through the same issues, Aergia never had anything to wear, quit right as well cause what ever she bought she was not allowed to wear going out with us, I do not go out with a slut dress girl. Sorry...

SO would simply tell Aergia, sort out your cloths and I will decide if you have enough or not, she did sort out her cupboards and there was basically nothing left, Before SO handed her his credit card, I said, let's see what we can safe and donate, we went through the bags she put out in the trash... (I usually take it out for donating, she simply trash) In the 4 bags of small cloths and old cloths, we got 2 bags of brand new cloths, still in the shop bags with price tags on. SO was angrier then what I've ever seen him, the cloths was bought the week-end before. He asked her about it and she said, she does not like it any more... he said tough.. not getting my card then, and he did not hand over his card till today.

Sorry, I can't get past the fact that you spent $250 on five items of clothing. For someone else's kid, no less. :jawdrop:

I don't think my entire wardrobe costs $250!

She's a teenage female. Of course she never has enough clothes. You could purchase thousands of dollars worth and she'd still have 'not a thing to wear' or 'you expect me to wear THAT'.

Teach the kid how to do her own laundry. If her clothing is dirty, well wash it kiddo.

Next time don't play her game. Teenage girls love me me me games. Just go on out the door to dinner and leave her standing there in her old clothes in the middle of the room. She's a teenager. She'll be fine. Go enjoy your meal. A few times of leaving her home might just change her mind on what she actually could have worn and be happy she has it.

I'm about to take my 17yr old for lunch and some shopping (well, if she ever gets done finding something to wear and finishes beautifying herself *rolls eyes*...this might take a while).

The other thing is, hand-me-downs feel 'used' and 'oh goodie, I get big sister/cousins clothes, whoopie' , give the kid $50 next time you're in a shopping mood and send her into Good Will . You'll be amazed at the selection and if you keep digging, the quality of some of the choices. She'll come out with a whole bag of 'new' clothes and wonder why you've not suggested this store before.

Get the bras, panties and shoes brand new and then let the kid go hog wild in resale store. The racks are full of nice items that some other teen girl conned Mom/SM into then either didn't wear or decided she'd worn it enough. Just be picky on which store and area you select to check out, not all are the same.

"Why do so many of our kids–raised in the most affluent nation on earth–fail to thrive and strive and enter adulthood lacking appropriate and effective coping skills? Drs. Swihart and Cotter have come up with a revolutionary theory on why our kids are having such a tough time of it today: It is because we allow our children to manipulate us, and the world around them, rather than teaching them how to respond to life and life’s tough situations. The result is that manipulative behavior is directly tied to low self-esteem, which only heightens its negative impact on kids, families, and the larger communities we live in.

"The good news is that Drs. Swihart and Cotter have created a radical and clinically proven program for breaking manipulative behavior and getting our kids back on track. The program teaches parents to say no without feeling guilt; to resist the urge to feel responsible for their child’s happiness; to view their children as emotionally competent and resilient; and most importantly, to realize that effective parenting means allowing your child to make mistakes and develop a sense of competence, which leads to enhanced self-esteem and an ability to live independently and successfully in the real world." The Manipulative Child : How to Regain Control and Raise Resilient, Resourceful,and Independent Kids by Swihart, Ernest W., Jr.

Repossess all of the new clothes for a few weeks and demonstrate what reality is in a way that makes the point in a very unpleasant way.

And.. no more running away while everyone else cleans up.  Put up a calendar and mark on it who does clean up for a couple of weeks.  Then pull all of the kids over to the calendar and review the facts. Then send everyone else away to relax and do whatever they want until this SD works off her hours of work deficit compared to everyone else. Until she works it off she can do it ALL by herself.  Once she works off the deficit then everyone else can phase back in while SD is forced to continue to clean along side everyone else.

Having to do it all alone should make the right point.

Zero tolerance for crap behavior combined with escalating age appropriate consequences works to modify behavior.

So invoke the zero tolerance abject misery model on SD until she learns  and complies.