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Stepparents can't win

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 12:08pm

I was reading some archives off a different site about stepparents. Most of the post were from stepchildren.

Here are some of their complaints...

Smom redecorated the house. It was the "family" (BM, DH and skids) house. After skid went away to college. Skid never felt at home again.

Smom didn't love them like her own. Super evil smom

Smom did love them like her own. Didn't she know they already had a mom?

Smom deferred to dad when skids weren't doing chores.

Smom shouldn't be an authority at all in her home.

One person was upset because he felt smom broke up his "family" even though he admits later in the post that she came along after the divorce and after his mom had a new boyfriend

Buy them things to show you are thinking of them

Don't try to buy their love

Another said don't be jealous. Apparently dad spent Christmas with BM and kids. Said the house was "uncomfortable" for weeks afterwards because smom was jealous.

There was some good stuff, like don't bad talk bio parents. But it seems every other post was contradicting the last. Pretty funny.

Comments

B22S22's picture

Submitted by B22S22 on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 1:51pm

I know it's circular logic, but the one thing that can be done to be successful is not to do it. :?

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Sun, 05/14/2017 - 11:42am

-That thread was ...ugh. Couldn't read the whole thing but read quite a bit.

So many adults obsessing about a gift that wasn't good enough they received as a child from people who had no obligation to them. I barely remember any gifts I received from anybody when I was a child. How could they still be obsessing about this s*it? What I do remember is a time I was about 10 and I hurt my grandmother's feelings in re a gift. That I remember painfully. It was my fault and I still wish I could take it back.

"Treat them like your own...Don't try to be their mom."
"Treat the kids equally...don't treat them equally cuz it's not fair to skids."
"Love them like your own...Remember your place."

Those are all adults posting there, has it never occurred to any of them that the SM's may have been spending their own money or the other father's child support on their own kids while their own dad was making the spending decisions on his? Or was SM supposed to spend her ex's child support on kids who want to "put her in her place?"

Really, I think the thread is revealing that many COD obsess over their childhoods forever in a way other people don't. They seem convinced everything is about them...still. The whole thing, the contradictions, the eternal small child viewpoint, it was exhausting.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 12:23pm

Well... I guess from a site you are going to be more likely go get the extreme complainers.. somewhat like we see here right?

I think that one of the bigger mistakes that people make is thinking that they can go in with a one size fits all solution. Sometimes one thing works, sometimes another and in other cases, nothing will make a difference.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 1:00pm

I mainly get it from DH. "I'm the parent not you" and then "They are both of our kids." Crazy making.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 1:13pm

hoooboy. "you mean nothing". "they are none of your business".

Yeah.. um nope. People that live in my home and are dependent upon my husband. Darn sure they are not only my business but that I do "count".

I am thankful that my husband was always willing to listen when I had something to say about the kids.

I mean, I didn't go out of my way to create lots of rules or try to be meddlesome in their lives, but when I DID have something to say, he knew it was thoughtful and that I should be heard.

Salems Lot's picture

Submitted by Salems Lot on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 1:47pm

It's the damned if you do and damned if you don't situation that many Step parents have..

Most of ours came from BM and skids parroted it!

You never let the kids do anything they want.....
You just let them do what ever they want any way.

Skids told me that all they are allowed to do at your place is watch TV....
You never let them watch anything they want on TV.

You have to buy things the skids need too.....
You are only trying to buy their affection.

You're not a real parent. They already have a mother so they don't have to listen to you....
You still have to cook, clean and spend money on them....

I could go on an on.
It was all BS.

It was a headache when they used to visit....

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 1:38pm

Since I knew I couldn't win either way, I just went about it however the hell I wanted to.

Not too over the top, not too evil.

KittyKatMomma's picture

Submitted by KittyKatMomma on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 2:09pm

I went my own way
"Do No Harm"
"Mind your own business"
"Stick up for yourself"

and it may have been my stepkids that said I broke up the parents marriage even though i came after the parents split and BM had a boyfriend because in my case-BM actually told DH that if things did not work between BM and Douche Bag (the guy she cheated on DH with) she always expected him (DH) to wait for her. And she said the same thing about Big Man-her latest boyfriend when she found out we got engaged.

Fuck off and Hell no were my favorite phrases
}:)

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 2:43pm

You know, I see a lot of "step grandparents bought gifts for step siblings but I got "nothing" or next to nothing".

Gee.. don't you have two bio parents with potentially two sets of grandparents all in biological line? While it is nice they think of you at all, you are not entitled to gifts from every adult you know!

So your own bio grandparents are duds compared to the step grandparents.. your beef is with them.

Ndtotalk22's picture

Submitted by Ndtotalk22 on Thu, 05/11/2017 - 7:32pm

I have been thinking about the perfect book titles for being a stepmother....

Stepmoms, when your best is never enough...

or Stepmothering,,,the art of no expectations.

my 2 stepkids just came home from college, they are continuing to do the week on week off bit even though they are beyond custody, BM is getting remarried next week, we just found out. I just hate feeling like they are my kids and they just basically don't care. I have been co raising them since 2005.