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simultaneous disengagement and engagement

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 8:15am

yes folks, it IS possible! things between kaos and i have been........ LOVELY.

shocking, right?

i've been working really really hard lately on my disengagement. dh has always welcomed my input and seeing things that he doesn't see. but even tho' it's welcomed, i've come to believe that it's not necessary. i'm trying to stick to things that are actually necessary. so it's gotten to where dh has rarely heard my commentary on his kid's actions.

on the other hand, i'm re-engaging with kaos as a person. and he's been responding really well to it. he always wouldn't say a word to me unless or until he needed something, so if he was outside playing when i got home, i would just quietly go about my business and go inside. but in an effort to change our dynamic to the positive, i've been the one to initiate conversation first, and it has been setting the stage for a pleasant evening with him.

in fact, he and i actually talked about it last night! he likes how things have been between us and wants to keep it this way.

so, win-win!!!! dh doesnt hear me griping that his kid has left the d@mn light on for the 10,000th time, and i actually enjoy being around kaos most of the time...

ETA - MIL is moving. awaaaayyyyy. poor dh is mourning the pending sale of his childhood home. but MIL and FIL are moving out of state. doesnt really affect me as she is not very enmeshed with dh, kaos or lurch, but i'm still thrilled. not sure what oss is going to do, i haven't asked.

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 8:20am

it's to late for April fool's jokes tuff... you've missed it on the week-end...

you are better person then me lol, once I closed a door, i never re-open it, I do not live in the past... thus I will never re engage with Aergia, she can me nice or what ever, I simply ignore her... I'm sorry too much has happened..

Glad you and Kaos could sort it out though... hope it stays like this

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 9:47am

ya know, acra, i totally understand what your saying. aergia is just evil, but i've always thought kaos is a good kid at heart. and he's still plenty young enough to not write off for good. i want the next 5+ years to be pleasant, not war.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Tue, 04/04/2017 - 10:32am

Great job. Engagement and reasonable interface can work. It did for my kid (Skid SS-24) and I. To the point that when he was 22 he even asked for me to adopt him. We made that happen.

As for the morning over the sale of a house..... Though intellectually I understand the attachment to a structure (childhood home) I do not understand it from a personal experience perspective. For our family when we were growing up it was always the family that was the home. That is still the case now that mom and dad are in their mid 70s and 3 of their GKs are adults (one is a freshmen in HS) Where the family is.... that is home.

My bride and I have duplicated that model as have my brother and his wife.

My wife and I have lived internationally for the past 6 years and my brother and his family have for 8 of the last 10yrs. We all, including the GKs, consider mom and dad to be home. When they are at their house.... we all visit... when they are on the road in their monster RV.... we all visit.

I hope that your DH transits the sorrow of his parents move quickly and effectively. They are still his parents and their home very likely will always be "his home" or at least one of his homes. Where you are should be his home.