Mediation
DH received a letter in mail from BMs appointed lawyer requesting he attend mediation to sort out outstanding issues and that if he refuses she will have no choice but to take him to court.
Last time this happened and they came up with a court order DH got himself an expensive lawyer. BM was going for full custody and tons of support she ended up crying when it was all over because they got shared custody and she only got half the support she wanted. I still think she made out like a bandit though. She gets to claim both skids on taxes and she gets all the baby bonus (money the gov gives everyone who has kids here in Canada, it does consider income and BM doesn't work... unless you count that she breeds dogs in her basement but that's under the table). From her 4 kids (oldest two are DHs) she gets more money in baby bonus than she would working 40 hours a week at minimum wage. But I'm getting off topic.
Anyways as to my questions, before DH goes and starts paying the expensive lawyer again I told him I think he should go to one mediation session and agree to absolutely nothing .... just go to find out what BM wants. Yes/no?
Also, DH has asked me if I will go with him. He wants me there to listen so that I can help explain things after. He gets confused easily when it comes to all this stuff. I don't mind doing this for him and I wouldn't mind hearing it for myself but I just don't know if that sort of thing is allowed.
Oh and finally, the letter said to either contact BMs lawyers office to set up a meeting or have his lawyer do it. Well DH has been calling and leaving messages for BMs lawyer for the last week and no answer. So we aren't sure what to do next. I guess contact DHs lawyer if they don't get back us.
I would do this, too.
I would do this, too.
I would send registered mail
I would send registered mail to lawyer if I hadn't heard and also to BM.
I would request in advance a list of outstanding issues and if possible her list of demands in this case. That way, he can formulate a counter request to be considered.
I might try to get some level of legal assistance to appear with him since the OP might be barred for some reason.
Great advice of requesting a
Great advice of requesting a list as we have no idea what this is about and that way he can prepare himself. I told him to ask on the phone but a physical list is way better. That way DH can also determine if he wants his lawyer present. Thank you.
Great advice of requesting a
Great advice of requesting a list as we have no idea what this is about and that way he can prepare himself. I told him to ask on the phone but a physical list is way better. That way DH can also determine if he wants his lawyer present. Thank you.
Twix, I too am in Canada and
Twix, I too am in Canada and my DH has just went through "mediation".
BM is perfectly in her right to request mediation. It will look 100% better on your DH if he makes every effort to settle this outside of court through this process.
Here is what I have learned of the process.
1. Each party as an initial meeting with the mediator to show what they want in an agreement. It's best to have some realistic criteria on paper before you go. You can use the federal child support look up online to determine the amount of child support that your DH will pay, unless he is planning on asking for a lessor payment, which is a whole different ballgame! This does not include medical insurance and extra medical expenses, extra ordinary expenses such as school sports or extra curricular activities, tutoring, etc. Include this in your initial proposal. Post secondary was also an issue for us. In Canada divorced parents are responsible for post secondary, after the child has exhausted all financial avenues available including employment income, scholarships, student loans etc.
Normally the extra's outside of the federal table is split by income proportion and I'm not sure how that would work if she has absolutely no income (perhaps that would be a question for a lawyer?).
2. The second meeting is normally all parties together. You are not considered party to this and would not be appropriate to ask to be (directly from our lawyer). However, my DH refused to meet with BM at the same time due to BM bringing up past and so on so they went back and forth between the mediator.
3. They go back and forth until an agreement is reached. One meeting does not mean your DH is agreeing to anything but shows that he is willing to work with BM in the best interest of the children (crock of SH** if you as me). It may take several meetings and/or proposals (back and forth) before something is reached. Remember that a judge will look at it as "in the best interest of the child" not you or your DH.
My advice is to come up with a detailed agreement before the meeting and take it from there. Do a lot of research in past cases and what normally is included.
PM me if you have any further questions!
Thank you for your detailed
Thank you for your detailed response! Also I don't know how to pm
I'm not very tech savvy haha.
We did mediation then court then mediation over the course of a year 2-3 years ago. They hashed out everything under the sun so we are lost as to what this could be about. She was working back then (not a real job, made 10,000 a year). But I don't think she has that anymore so maybe she wants CS reevaluated. But I have taken screenshots of her ads selling dogs ... in the two months I snooped she made 12,000. I don't think it's fair that CS was calculated without considering this unclaimed income so we kept this info on the back burner just in case she ever tried to come after him for more.
She could be looking for extras to be covered as well. He stopped paying extras because she would just pocket the money. Ex. He paid her the money for a basketball camp she wanted to sign SS10 up for, and she never signed him up but kept the money. She even pocketed a measly 20 bucks he gave them to buy books from the scholastic magazine. This list could go on and on. She freaked this year about school supplies because he told her to use CS to cover them. She sent them to our place with no winter boots (during a snowstorm) so that DH was forced to cover the cost of new boots. I read the list of extraordinary expense and I don't think there's anything that really applies to his kids. They don't have any regular activities they follow or are good at, no health conditions, still in elementary school. Although your comment about post secondary school gave me a mini heart attack... maybe I should be happy they are D students (ah I'm bad). Are parents of intact families required to pay for school? That seems just outrageous.
Best interest of the children in this case = best interest of BM.
click on her name - her
click on her name - her profile will come up....go to message poster thingy, click on that and whala
pm message
BM's income (or not in your
BM's income (or not in your case) has absolutely noting to do with the amount of CS he will pay. His income is used and you can look that up on the table.
You can have the new agreement state that DH will pay for his share of the extras right to the activity (ex: if it's soccer he would pay his share of the soccer fees right to the soccer therefore not having to give BM the money). OR as in our case it's gone through support enforcement. Anything extra has to be paid for by BM and then the receipt is submitted to Support Enforcement who then charges DH for his share. No receipt..don't have to pay.
School supplies and clothing are included in his monthly CS amount. He does not have to pay extra for those items unless he wants to. If she is sending the kids without proper clothing I would buy for your house...when SK goes back to BM the cloths stay.
It's still good to have all possible scenarios covered in the agreement. Our lawyer said the more detailed the less likely of issues arising in the future. Have a plan for medical in case something does show up. What if something happens and one of the kids need physio? Who has medical insurance? How much are the premiums? (this may be considered as an extra as well!) The extra outside of insurance, after the first $100 per year, would be split by income proportion. What if extra curricular activities do come up? Have a plan on how it would be handled.
Post secondary may not be an issue now but it might be in the future. Intact families do not have to pay a cent for their child's post secondary education. Divorced parents do have to pick up the tab after savings. loans, and scholarships etc. How stupid is that. If said child decides to go out of province to school you are on the hook then for living expenses as well as tuition, books etc.
Better to do research and be prepared. And you are right....best interest of the child = BM
Use mediation legitimately?
Use mediation legitimately? He has every intention of using mediation. I didn't mean go once and be done with it, I meant attend one session without agreeing to anything just so he can find out what this is all about. That way he can go home, think about, get prepared etc. Although, hopefully they can give him a list of demands prior to mediation.
As for legal council, BM will have an appointed lawyer with her so I was just worried he would show up at mediation get bulldozed by BM and her lawyer and call it a day. I don't believe he qualifies for free representation (that's what BMs lawyer is) and I don't think he should spend the money on his lawyer until we know the whole story.
They are allowed here, that's
They are allowed here, that's why he hired a lawyer before. They already did mediation and came up with an agreement that became the CO.
That's why we want to hear what the heck this is about before forking out money, hence attend once then regroup.
First appointments is usually
First appointments is usually DH and BM by themselves.
He spoke briefly with a
He spoke briefly with a lawyer (like an hour ago) who said he can request that it be just himself and BM and see if she agrees. But in this case I think that's a terrible idea. They don't get along and she can be very manipulative and he's really bad picking up on it.
No I mean DH by himself then
No I mean DH by himself then BM by herself and then they meet together...or they can communicate through the mediator
My DH refused to meet face to
My DH refused to meet face to face with BM...she cries poor me, I'm doing it all by myself routine.
Interesting...GET THAT
Interesting...GET THAT advance list of her demands.
"the attorney will see if BM agrees" pfft, turn that around, otherwise she starts with the ball in her hands.
YOU will agree to xyz--- not see is bm agrees.
Please keep us posted, I am sorry about this new legal event. It is sooooooo stressful.