What are your thoughts on this scenario outcome?
A couple of weeks before our wedding day my H received a notice of his X's notice to relocate out of state and gain primary custody of their 6 year old boy. They divorced 3 years ago and managed to mediate everything including an agreed 50/50 schedule. Since the divorce there have been little to no issues with the schedule.
A little background of the last year or so. BM meets new partner, H meets me, H and I get engaged, set a date, and start planning our wedding, then BM gets engaged and not long after motions to relocate. Her fiance accepted a promotion and the built a house out of state (BM works from home), we move forward with our wedding and include our boys, BM has a shotgun wedding not long after in which she did not include her son. SS starts kindergarten and now we are in the middle of a court case trying to keep my SS here.
BM's basis of wanting primary is because she says my H relies too much on his mother and was dating too much after their separation. H's family is very loving and involved, they love time with their grand kids and are always looking for opportunities to get everyone together. Upon the kids request they have sleepovers maybe once a month. BM has no family life, so I feel she misinterprets a healthy family relationship as over involvement. Regardless of if H introduced people he was dating as friends, I told DH that we will probably just have to take his dating as a ding because it just doesn't look good to be seeing someone for a short period and introducing 2-3 of them to your son.
Moving on we had 2 days scheduled in court. BM added more witnesses the 2nd day so we had no chance to talk. Another day was scheduled and it was our turn. Well then BM brought forth another witness and subpoenaed 3 of DH's ex gfs, 2 of which reached out and said he was a great parent and they had nothing bad to say about him. The day before our next day in court she dropped all of the additional witnesses so we were able to speak our peace.
The judge clarified 2X in the hearing that if the child was denied relocation that the BM agreed she would stay in the area. BM has no family out of state where they intend to move. The motive is strictly a promotion and her new husband made it very clear that he is all about his career and the additional money he would be making, there is no basis for the move other than the promotion and a bigger paycheck.
My SS has lived here since birth and has a great support system. Even BM's parents live in the area. I believe that the judge feels the best interest of the child would be the least disruptive action which would be staying here but it's hard to say. We have one more day where DH has to be cross examined by her lawyer but the judge told them they have 2 hours to wrap everything up and he gave himself an hour to decide. I believe that means he has his mind made up. In my opinion this poor guy has been through alot over the past year in both households and I feel the court system would be doing him an injustice by allowing relocation. My SS is very close with his dad and family in the area, I think it would be an emotional struggle to be separated.
Anyone have thoughts or opinions??
BM argues that she is more
BM argues that she is more involved because she works from home. But in the past 3 years DH has never needed BM to take their child during his parenting time. He has been flexible and given her additional days for certain occasions when she asks. DH has no history of inability to hold a job (he has actually moved up to a great position in his company), He works a Mon-Fri 8-5 job (no nights or weekends) he has no history of drug or abuse, he's always provided a place to call home, and because it is true 50/50 they don't exchange child support.
3 days? All of ours was done
3 days? All of ours was done in a day. Bm wanted to move with her husband who was military. Dh was an involved father and fought for the CO to be upheld and he won. Bm moved and hasn't spoken to sd since. Good luck to you.
Thanks and yes going on 4
Thanks and yes going on 4 days just shows what kind of a person the BM is. She's pulling at strings and dragging things out presenting the same things over and over again through her various witnesses all of which had nothing terrible to say about my H. Accepting a promotion, building a house, and telling your son that he is moving and this will be his new home/community/school before anything is decided shows her lack of looking out for her son's best interest. And her thought that if she does all of this before a decision is made that they will have to grant the relocation, in my opinion the way things panned out was very irresponsible and inconsiderate
Good luck and keep us posted
Good luck and keep us posted on the outcome.
I don't think the judge will
I don't think the judge will grant the relocation. Both parents have 50/50. She is NOT married to the guy yet, and anything can happen. It would be very remiss for the judge to uproot the kid on those facts. Crazier things have happened though.
She is married but like I
She is married but like I said we had a date set upon our engagement. Because of the nature of their wedding (courthouse) I feel that they got hitched because they felt it would look bad in court if they did not. But in their hastiness they failed to involve the child in the ceremony.
We didn't involve the SD's in
We didn't involve the SD's in our wedding either. We went out of the country.. just the two of us. No family drama to deal with then:)
From what you've said it
From what you've said it looks very good for Dad and the judge will rule that she can't move SS away.
However, don't count your chickens before they hatch. Judges can and do make some strange decisions. He could very well think that all children belong with their mother.
You and DH have done all that you could and now it's out of your control. Let it go and hope for the best.
I do hope you realize that if DH wins, BM could very easily leave and you'd be left with a very confused abandoned child to deal with. Be careful what you wish for.
Good luck.
Yes I agree we've done what
Yes I agree we've done what we can. Our intent isn't for my SS to lose time with either parent. Although BM can be hard to work with we feel it's best he continues to have equal time with both parents. That is why because this move has nothing to do with her work and she is still living in the area that her new spouse should either commute here or move here. I feel like a transition out of state would be harder on him because he would have no one but his mom, he hasn't lived under the same roof with this new guy and she's now pregnant as well.
Dad's are getting more and
Dad's are getting more and more rights to their children. I do not think the judge will allow that to happen either, however, how far away are they moving? As he could say she can move and then you do every other weekend and summer's alt. holidays. Again depending on how far away it is. Hang in there. In the end the child will know that Dad really cares and loves him and then it's just a matter of time.
My DH's ability to provide a
My DH's ability to provide a stable home and community for SS where he has always lived was one of the deciding factors for when he was awarded primary custody.
It would be about 300 miles
It would be about 300 miles away. The new proposed schedule would be 1 weekend a month and summers. Being a Dad with a son, it's just tough to think about missing out on all of the school activities during the year. The fact that they already share custody, we see my SS every week for either 2 or 5 days alternating, makes it unimaginable to see him hardly at all during the year. My other concern is that BM has not been with this new guy very long either, my SS has not lived under the same roof with him and has had limited contact. With moving to a new home, a new step parent, and BM is expecting a newborn in Sept, I think the transition will be very tough when the only established relationship he will have in the area with is his BM.
Based on your narrative the
Based on your narrative the odds are certainly in your favor. However, there are two variables that concern me. The first is the BM preference consistently exhibited by family courts and the second is that Judge do some stupid shit quite frequently so there is notable risk that this Judge may follow suit with his cohorts and pull something out of his ass.
Your Judge seems to be frustrated with BM and her attorney so that is something to leverage when your side gets on the stand. Your attorney needs to keep it focused, counter BM's convoluted repetitive case, and respect the Judge's stated desire to keep the next session short.
In our case we spent 8hrs in court on a single day for the most comprehensive court action in our blended family experience. SpermGrandHag had filed for custody for her idiot son without telling him. She forged his signature on the paperwork. We nailed her ass to the wall for that but they then filed correctly with the SpermIdiot signing the attempt to get custody. My DW had been awarded full physical and legal custody when SS was 9mos old and left the state with SS for university when SS was 15mos old. The SpermIdiot had made no effort to visit or see the kid for months until the small town grape vine informed him that my bride was dating someone. DipShitIot whined to SpermGrandHag that he missed his son and my wife so she called an attorney and we were off to the races.
At that time SS was just short of 2yo, DW and I had been married for two weeks, and the SpermIdiot had been married to his statutory rape victim 16yo child bride for 4wks. He married her to keep from getting arrested for statutory rape when he showed up for court.
We won, my wife retained sole physical and legal custody,and the SpermClan was awarded only 7wks of long distance visitation per year. (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring).
We had a few other court appearances over the years for CS modification and to smack the SpermIdiot and SpermGrandHag around for stupid manipulative crap. We never lost.
I hope you and your DH realize the same the same outcome and the best interests of this little boy are upheld.
Good luck.
Had court and relocation was
Had court and relocation was denied so little man stays!! We are so happy. I'm not sure what his BM plans to do about their situation but for the time being I feel this is best for my SS. The schedule stays the same so he'll continue to have equal time with both parents. As far as we know,she plans to stay in the area.