Long but need to let it

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I am a bio and step dad, my blood child is almost 3 with two step daughter's (15 & 16). I have had them since they were 2 and 3, been married to their mom for ten years, average middle class lifestyle and all that jazz. Up until about 5 years ago, the girls we're like my own and didn't think of them as steps. To this day, you would not think the 15 year old is not mine, we have an excellent relationship, like bio's. The other one is resentful, hateful, spiteful and down right nasty to me, her mom and my two year old little boy. They're dad abandoned them at 2 and I understand that hurts and all, but the younger one has processed the hurt and put it behind her, even the older one doesn't think of him as a DAD, only brings him up to try and hurt me. I grew up around a rough neighborhood and have seen shady and evil people, but she Trump's them all with the lying, false accusations of abuse and telling her school how she's got it so rough (she lives in a 5 bedroom home and I'm the only one working, mom drives an Infiniti, etc). So CPS and the school are familiar with us. They're polar opposites, 15 year old genuinely loves me as a DAD, honor roll student and understands the importance of family and education, we preach it all the time. I work hard, go to church and love my family and would do anything for them. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I actually fear that she would hurt my son to get at me and no CPS worker, psychologist, psychiatrist, doctor or therapist will take us seriously on how bad this past several months has been, sorry for blabbing so long, it's just cool to know I'm not crazy or the lone wolf in the situation. Peace guys and God bless.

It's scary to think I am

It's scary to think I am blamed for things I didn't do and it could effect my family that genuinely cares and loves me

Sometimes unfortunately

Sometimes unfortunately genetics win out. I've seen this happen even in intact families.

SuperJew (great name), she is

SuperJew (great name), she is just as catty and ugly with mom and hates her too, but I feel like there is a but more towards me. I can tough through the hate towards me, I've heard it throughout my life, but I don't want it to effect my son or other daughter. We are trying to get her emancipated after she gets a job, it's to much to handle, in 2016 my wife and I were both laid off from work, she still can't find work, with a degree! Her mom passed from a battle with cancer shortly after we lost our jobs, our own health issues mostly from stress, PROBLEMS after problems.

Nothing that I am aware of

Nothing that I am aware of has ever happened to her, when I met their mom, we moved from a bad neighborhood to the suburbs. She is disinterested in school, skips constantly, etc. We believe in physical punishment, but as soon as she gets it, she tells the school and they stick their nose in it. I worked for the police department and know what is reasonable force for a child. But she's lives the she privileged life her sister has but her sister is making a future for herself.

She has no privileges any

She has no privileges any more, she never had a phone, no TV or computer or any of that nonsense

Simply disengage from the

Simply disengage from the brat, you buy her nothing and you give her no money - you don't even talk to her...

pretend she's not there and focus on the children who respects you... shunn this little cow out, it's easy...
I'm the queen of doing this to a brat teenage daughter...

Seriously?

Yeah, most of you have been

Yeah, most of you have been cool but you have some weird issues Sheldon, for one, I don't spank her. Sounds like you missed a few hugs growing up or are a pedophile in the making, piss off, you're that one douchebag in the bunch.

OK thanks for the advice

This honestly doesn't sound

This honestly doesn't sound like a step problem...but a mental and behavioral problem.

Get her therapy...if she refuses then you and your wife have a huge decision to make. Either she chooses to get help to stay and live within your family or she has to leave.

If she is verbally abusive start documenting it...you worked for the police department you know the drill in documenting verbal and emotional abuse. Because that is what you and your wife are receiving. Just because she is not of the age of majority doesn't make it less real. You have to take the necessary steps to protect your other children.

Good luck!

Take the door off of her

Take the door off of her room, typically that melts them down in ways you've never thought it would. Turning off the internet is good as well. Mine and yours is correct when she says "You have to take the necessary steps to protect your other children."

Ignore Sheldonsbiggest fan.

Welcome, Jay. No, you are not

Welcome, Jay. No, you are not alone. Not sure I have any answers for you but just want to put out the welcome mat. Finding out children can act this way to others is a big relief when you've been suspecting it was just you.

BTW, since you take the brunt of it, it does sound like she has some kind of Daddy issues. Since you have gone a long way to mend her loss of Daddy, you are certainly the least deserving of this abuse.

With all these false allegations, isn't there a way to declare her delinquent? Surely it's a crime to make false reports? Then she can go spend time in a nice juvenile facility and throw her abuse at some trained professionals. Otherwise, if you can dig up the kopecs from somewhere, I might send her to a military school of some kind. Anything to get her out of your house and away from the baby.

She ran off again and neither

She ran off again and neither one of us want to have her home, she doesn't want to be here either, she claimed she has somewhere to go, so just think we're going to let her stay gone, the cops will just bring her back, and the same ole crap again

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Maybe she will stay gone.

My DH's elder son was a horrible POS involved in gang MURDER who fled the state two steps ahead of the police. Fortunately he stayed gone and underground - never did go to prison like he deserved but he still ended up dead.

I've seen the best parents in the world in intact marriages raise wonderful children except for one who turns out to just be a "bad seed". Not everyone is salvageable.

Please hush, everyone else is

Please hush, everyone else is cool here except you. You don't know me or what I do, and it's none of what you said. She isn't entitled to a phone that I pay for or a laptop I bought for the treatment we get. My other one has all of that, phone, tablet, etc. Because she earned it though hard work in school and respect at home. I KEEP phones and computers from her because she's abused the privilege in the past and you earn that, those are PRIVILEGES..... NOT RIGHTS.

Jay - do not feel bad cause

Jay - do not feel bad cause one kid has things and other kid not, you are right people who deserves it will have it, brats not so much.

but seriously you are not going to change this little cow, it's a battle not worth fighting

Yeppo!! Totally agree with

Yeppo!! Totally agree with Acra! Sometimes its better to just..let.it.gooo!!

Is she on drugs???

none that I know of She ran

none that I know of
She ran off yesterday and since her goal is emancipation, we are letting her stay wherever she's staying

My 15yoBD had a really rough

My 15yoBD had a really rough start to 2016, I thought 2015 was bad but first few months of 2016 were worse. She informed me one weekend that she was going to move out as soon as she turned 16 and would never be speaking to any of us again...this conversation happened in the car when I was dropping her off to a party. I told her "why wait" you are so keen to get rid of us, start now. I dropped her off at the party, put restrictions on her phone so she couldn't access internet or phone anyone but me or her father (just in case she really was in trouble) and ignored all her calls (she left no messages). She had no money, no food, no changes of clothes. I secretly kept tabs on her via her friends parents. 3 days later one of her friends parents rang and said I think she's learnt her lesson...I went an picked her up, told her she would always be welcome home as long as she showed us respect. There have been other events post this that didn't have to do with her home life that have really opened her eyes to what life is like on the feral side. Her grades have now gone from D's to B's, she has 2 part time jobs and bought me flowers the other day just to say I love you. Sometimes tough love works.

One could only pray for that

I live in Texas though, for

I live in Texas though, for such a tough state, they believe all children are fragile snowflakes who can never do wrong, and if they do, it has to be because of poor parenting. I just don't want to get any flak from the legal system because she up and left and we're letting her do what she wished for

I'm in an entirely different

I'm in an entirely different country so not sure how it works over there. In my country at 16yo, they are still considered a minor and therefore the parent is responsible for their wellbeing. Do you know where she currently is? It is not so much over here that they have to be living with you, but you need to do your best to make sure the child is safe. If the child/parents cannot live together then the government and police will support the child- they will make sure the child is adequately housed and the govt will even pay them a "living out of home allowance" if they think it is necessary- does it work that way in texas? Do you know where she is? At this point my priority would be making sure she is in a suitable environment, if you don't know where she is, I would file a missing person report at 48 hours. I understand you think you don't want her back but I am hoping is that what you really don't want is the behaviour. If this started 5 years ago, its the onset of puberty. At 16 most kids still don't know their head from their butt but as a parent I don't think you should give up until they are adults. If she is harming your 2 yo then that is a totally different kettle of fish, she needs to be removed from the house.

Understand where you're

Understand where you're coming from, but puberty could play a role, but the 15 year old hit puberty, acted a fool doing normal pain in the butt stuff, got over it, now she's a great kid. But the other one is abnormal and way beyond typical teenage rebellion. I expect some pushback from them, they're teens and I understand, I did it too. But never to the extent of this, it's just down right hate. I do not want he here anymore because it's happened before and she goes back to being an awful person. I have a wife, 2 year old and a 15 year old that I need to be there for, I don't have time for nonsense, sadly, she'll probably end up back here.

Understand where you're

If its down right hate then

If its down right hate then IMO you are right not to want her there. If she is toxic to you and other family members then she needs to be living elsewhere, thats why our Govt will pay the living out of home allowance - so the teen can house, feed and provide clothes for themselves. first step is to try to find another relative to take her in, if not then one of her friends, then if that fails its supervised but independant living - they move into a house where they are responsible for everything - personal care, housecleaning, cooking, shopping washing etc but there is a "support worker" on the premises which changes every 24 hours. So basically they are supervised to make sure they are safe and not getting into drugs etc but the support worker does nothing for them. They have a curfew. If they blow this situation then they are out on the streets and get no financial aid.

Wow, Jay, sorry to hear of

Wow, Jay, sorry to hear of your troubles with SD16. She's a handful, to be sure, and there is nothing more heartbreaking than to have to let someone go who you have poured your heart into. I have friends going through something similar. The eldest stole from Dad, the SM, her younger sister, younger brother, messed up her room, and all that. She decided to move into boyfriend's house because her stealing bothered everyone and the rules were just too tough.

Take care of the ones who love and appreciate you, and hopefully you can someday make peace with the other.

Long shot and I know y'all

Long shot and I know y'all aren't lawyers and I'm probably on the wrong page but, like I said about their dad, he's abandoned them at 2, doesn't pay child support or speak to them. I wanted to know if I could legally send the trouble one to live with her, and him not be allowed to file child support on us. She doesn't want to be with us so give it a shot with him.

I would file back child

I would file back child support charges on him first. Then he is owing a giant debt toward your household. That would prevent any money leaving your house because if he DID get a child support order against you, it could just be docked against his debt.

These dang courts do funny things. Their standard is "best interest of the child" not justice, not fairness, not evening things out for the parent that's done all the heavy lifting.

So smack him with that back cs order first. Then send the kid to him. I like it. Good plan. Girly girl will learn a bit of something about how good she had it.

There dad is $30 grand in

There dad is $30 grand in back payments behind, he works up until they go to take child support out of the check and he quits. The last payment we saw from him was a couple years ago for $29

I can't imagine that he would

I can't imagine that he would be a good father to a messed up 16 year old that he abandoned.

You are here

Long but need to let it