Is this appropriate to send to SD14??
So after yesterday's message Molly, We need to clarify a few things.
The comment at the party - your dad told me to say something because we was both upset u kept ignoring us. The first time you came over was with your hand out for money for a drink. So that was my reaction because I was annoyed.
Straighteners- I didn't think at the time you did deserve to use my straighteners because I was still upset with what you done to your dad at shopping. And it was frustrating to have to act like nothing's happened that day with a house full of people when we haven't seen you for 7 weeks.
I have NEVER said to you - your dad has another family now. After speaking to dad last night, he reminded me what HE actually said to you was "I live here with Rachael, Jenson & Matty and you don't seem to want to be part of our family anymore"
You have made it look like this is all because I am horrible to you but if that's the case why are you taking it out on your dad? I wasn't here when you argued about social media, when you gave your dad attitude on Friday, when you mugged him off at shopping.
I have every right to be upset with you for going to my mums grave. You should never post pictures of grave stones or memorials online without the family's consent, or at all in fact because that's extremely insensitive. We can't understand (and I quote your dad) "why you would go to the cemetery to my mums grave who you never knew when you can't make contact with the family you have got here" I have never told you that's your Nan. How can she be your Nan if she's dead. You should also never have taken your friend there. I have had a go at matt for taking friends there before and that's his own mum. It's a personal space. Please don't do that anymore.
We don't know anything about what's going on in your life, school, changing schools, the bullying, your counselling. Your dad told you before, we can't help you or support you if you don't tell us what's going on.
I understand you may be having a tough time as a teenager because remember I have brought 2 up already! And it wasn't easy for me when I was a teenager given what I went through. I would be the 1 person that would reason and understand with what's wrong but I can't do that when you are blocking us out of your life by making up silly lies and twisting things.
So you promised to come round and see us after Dannys party and you didn't. You changed your mind about going out for a birthday meal and I am guessing you don't have any intention of coming to see us at Xmas because you have brought Jensons present round already.
So your dad can get better, can you please let us know what it is you want to happen or what you want from us?
(Sorry for the long message but it seems to be the only way to communicate what we really want to say)
X
This is something your
This is something your husband should handle and not you. All this does is add fuel to the fire of a very angry teenager.
If I was Molly, I'd see that
If I was Molly, I'd see that letter as a rant by a childish SM. Sorry, but this should stay in your letting-off-steam folder and never see the light of day. It just reeks of nit-picking to the Nth degree. Disengage!
Sure you care, you want things to be normal and fair, but as SM, you need to Disengage and let her father handle her. He is all grown up and doesn't need or likely want you getting into the fray.
I didn't even read all of it
I didn't even read all of it (just the first couple of sentences) and am saying do NOT send this.
You have written it and gotten it off of your chest, now burn, delete, flush, or whatever.
^^^THIS
^^^THIS
No it is not appropriate. Dad
No it is not appropriate.
Dad should be talking to his daughter about this.
You sound very young. May I offer some words of wisdom?
Stay away from any hint or appearance to vent/explain to another parents 14 year old in writing. Absolutely no use of their name on Facebook NO texting her, not Facebook entries...no nothing.
IT will be used against you one way or another.
It is ok to say face to face "I am disappointed in your behavior" or What you did was wrong and hurtful etc. when an incident occurs right in front of your eyes.
If you think 30years old is
If you think 30years old is young but I have brought up my brother and sister from the age of 18 when our mum passed away. They were just 8 and 13. Now 19 & 25. As well as having a step daughter for the last 12 years and I now have a 1 year old son. So I might be younger then some but I think I've got plenty of parenting skills and morals. Think that's my problem is I was brought up with mannors and respect and these kids now days don't have it.
Here's my $0.02. The wise
Here's my $0.02. The wise road is always the one where you let your actions do the talking. I've got a toddler at home, and I have to stop talking to her and start enforcing what I say.
Just like me, you have no need to defend yourself, your thoughts, feelings, decisions, etc to your SD (or me to my DD). Good to explain, but only if you're calm. And you're only calm when their view on the matter is totally irrelevant.
In terms of overstepping... there is a line, but it's blurry. For myself, I think the best is always to set boundaries for yourself. Boundaries on behalf of your SD or your DH are overstepping (most likely).
We Have seen this child twice
We Have seen this child twice in 4 months! There's no chance to say anything to her face. She is playing a very clever game and everyone is sitting back and watching, even his own family. He has lost the will to fight for his daughter so by doing this I am supporting him.
Now I have done my bit there is nothing else I can do.
Don't put anything in writing
Don't put anything in writing when confronting toxic behavior... ever. Call her and have a direct conversations. Let her put stuff in writing. That gives you the advantage and allows you to roll out the written rant later if necessary.
I made the mistake of putting my heart felt irritation in writing and providing it to a Judge once. Fortunately she just noted that elements of what we submitted to court were not relevant to the case and would not be considered. I learned my lesson there.
So, no written confrontations. No email, no texts, no social media... ever. Confrontations can happen either in direct conversation or over the phone and even over the phone needs to be carefully considered because it can be recorded and rolled out later. We used this tactic against the SpermClan very effectively on several occasions. We lived in Texas where it is legal to record any conversations you are party to without notifying the other party. We used these recordings on several occasions to counter the SpermClan's claims that we were lying about something they said. We would push play and let their own voice prove our honesty on the topic at hand. That used to piss them off to no end and would drive some very interesting SpermClan ass chewings by the Judge.