Christmas
Perhaps not the most important issue.. yet, I wonder what, if anything, to do on Christmas for two teenage SDs who ignore me, and pretend I don't exist? The younger girl used to sometimes be friendly and nice, until she turned 14. Now she does not acknowledge me, unless she wants something from me. The 17 year-old does not speak to me. While I love Christmas, and have bought presents for the past four years for all the kids (I have a teenage BS & BD, who live with their dad), this year I am inclined to do little, if anything for these SDs. I am naturally generous, and love giving presents at Christmas; yet this year, I think that going out of my way for the rude SDs would only serve as a tacit approval of their behavior. I know that my SO feels caught in the middle. There have been times that he has defended me, when speaking to them. But honestly, his normal m.o. is to rationalize THEIR behavior to me. Anyway, this year, I will have a few of my own extended family here to visit for Christmas. We like all the celebrating, and exchanging little gifts. As I say though, it seems to me that going out of my way for my SDs sends a very wrong type of message. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
"What, if anything, to do on
"What, if anything, to do on Christmas for two teenage SDs who ignore me, and pretend I don't exist?"
Nothing.
Partly right. It's rude to
Partly right. It's rude to give Valentine's cards and Holiday cards to everyone in the whole class except one or two kids.
After the age of 9, I'd like to think that people know that everyone is different. John gets a skateboard and Ned gets a microscope. Suzy gets a movie pass and Tracey gets a Kindle.
Do the skids have to be there
Do the skids have to be there when you do the family get together and gift exchange? Do you have them full time or do they go to BMs too?
If they are going to be there, then yes they should be included in the gift exchange. However, there's no reason that you have to do the buying. SO can do it.
no they have been ignoring
no they have been ignoring you, o fine... guess what you forgot to get them something and do not even apologize for it.... I'm sorry but i buy no one gifts that's rude to me or ignores me..... as Aergia, this was her first year of no Bday gift... she was not happy about it and asked me what did I get her... I replied... I'm not your mother, what did she get you....
Buying gifts for 15 plus
Buying gifts for 15 plus people was my biggest mistake (the women have to have their OWN individual presents as well as the husbands); so even that is self-absorbed! Oh, and it HAS to be that way, no couple gifts allowed!
Well, my presents were not "good enough," though I got a scarf and my daughter got nothing. This went on for four years, until I was done...completely done. No more, ever!
I am over trying, wanting to try, or caring to try now. I hate I put my daughter and myself through this abuse for so long, I thought they would come around and they only became more hostile over time.
Husband does whatever he wants with them, without us, and away from us too---it is much better, we were getting the message we did not exist to them anyway, so now at least I am not waiting on them in my own home and being treated like crap. It was the annual worship celebration, but we were only invited to watch it...LOL.
Just do not go down this road, it is not a pleasant journey because you cannot get it right, no matter what you do as a SM, given some stepkids. You have to know when to throw in the towel, I only hate I spent too long figuring it out.
OMG you sound like me. Trying
OMG you sound like me. Trying so hard for so long and expecting a different outcome. Hugs!
Have an honest discussion
Have an honest discussion with your DH and give him the task. Don't use the word "you", use the word "I" when having this discussion. Just explain "maybe you (DH) can help me out with gifts and maybe we can downsize on gifts a bit this year".
Then turn it over to DH next year, until you are not doing it at all. I wouldn't include them in family dinners if you can get by with it; but if you have to do so, just be civil and let your DH take on their toxic butts. When teens turn adults and leave home, you shouldn't even have to be a part of it at all.
Now with all of that said, I didn't do as I'm advising and I was my own worst enemy for 30+ years, trying to keep the peace and cater to my grown Skids. Don't go there, set boundaries for yourself, and let DH take over. I finally stepped away and now my DH does it. What peace!!!
Good Luck, I understand. ((((hugs))))
Daisyduck we have very
Daisyduck we have very similar situations! I too have two SD's 15 and 20. I also have a BS and a BD, both of whom are not living with me!
Again..the younger SD will on occasion interact...especially if SD20 is not around. SD20 has on numerous occasions snubbed me. I'm still on the fence as to what to do for this Christmas. My main concern is my DH's feelings NOT the Skids. DH has the ultimate wish that we will eventually blend..pipe dream to be sure...but he is a good man and I do not want to hurt his feelings.
I'm thinking a very basic token gift...just to show that I am considerate of them in that they are DH's children. I am leaning toward having a dinner for Dh and his kids and then a separate one for Dh, myself, and my side of the family. That way we don't have to have the uncomfortable "trying to mix" thing going on...and no one is left out.
At the end of the day my DH is my main concern.