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Do you love me the same...

step.life's picture

Submitted by step.life on Thu, 09/29/2016 - 8:18am

Is this a normal question? SD9 asked DH if he loved her and BioBaby the same, he said yes. Then she asked me that question. I respond "I love you both". She pushed further on the "same" part of it and I said "I just told you I loved you both". I wanted to respond "Well think about this. Only if you love me the same as your BM"

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Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Thu, 09/29/2016 - 8:20am

You should've asked SD - do you love me the same as BM ?

she would've said NO... then you could've explained the whole thing about different kinds of love for different people... and just to clarify.. }:) explain why Daddy does not love her the same as you, cause you are his wife and she's his daughter... different kind of love for different people...

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Thu, 09/29/2016 - 9:05am

It's a 9 yo girl looking for security, I would have answered just as you did. It wasn't a lie. "I love you both". If she pressed the issue as in.. "how can you love everyone the same". You can say, "love is a funny thing, we love different people in different ways. I love my mom and dad differently than I love your dad. I love you and the baby differently than I love him. But I love every one you". There isn't really any need to inject doubt into her head by pointing out she probably loves her mom more and therefore you might not love her as much.

onwednesdayswewearpink's picture

Submitted by onwednesdayswew... on Thu, 09/29/2016 - 10:16am

I think its a normal kid question. Around the time that bioson was born biodaughter would ask questions like "do you still love me?"

notsobad's picture

Submitted by notsobad on Thu, 09/29/2016 - 1:02pm

I think your answer was perfect for a 9 year old. She's just wanting to make sure she still fits in the family.

I don't know what the situation with BM is but she could very well be telling SD that Daddy doesn't love her anymore now that he has a new son and that you never loved her.

Maybe throw out a few unsolicited I love you's every now and then. Everyone needs to know they are loved without having to ask.

New_to_this's picture

Submitted by New_to_this on Fri, 09/30/2016 - 8:59am

I also think you gave a great answer for a 9 year old. My SD was 15 when I had DS and she posed the same question to me. It was awkward and I probably would have said the same to her. Instead DH piped up and told her point blank that it was extremely rude to be asking that question. He basically told her that of course I love DS more, he is my baby. He also pointed out that he has a step father (her grandpa) and that his mom had his little brother when he was the same age as her. He said that he would never have posed that question to his stepdad and she should know better. To me, it was kind of harsh but I'm glad he piped up and forced some maturity on her. That said, she's a fairly mature teenager other than occasionally having little filter when she speaks.