I think you have responded appropriately, personally, and what you are saying is reasonable. I bet after the first trip (you will be going, as well); these little side trips will suddenly be of no interest to the SS or HB..lol.

Great move....

Personally, I wouldn't like it if my DH went on holiday with my SDs. He spent a lot of time while they were growing up, taking them away on long weekends to theme parks etc, and on one occasion a week to New York (we are in the UK).

About a year or two ago, we were talking and he said he might take them up to see his mother in Yorkshire - without me, I might add. I said "Why would you want to do that?" and was quite annoyed. I told him that I had put up with being lonely and left out all the time they were growing up, but I wasn't prepared to tolerate it now they are grown up.

As you say, time is on your side regarding the trips, but I can completely understand how you feel.

My dh recently divorced me due to his ds48. I must confessed when I was married I was so lonely, which is odd considering I had a mate. However, because he needed to shower his ds with attention. His quota for showering attention was used up when it came to me. He even spent our first day as husband and wife at his ds's place watching television because that is what ds wanted and he wanted to show him that he was important on our very important day. I am so glad that is all over. I cannot believe I tolerated what I did, and again I was very lonely. He and his ds went to each other's dentist and doctors appointments. They went grocery shopping together, for drives together apart form weekend watching sports on tv. While I just sat there by myself.

Sadly ex72 confessed to my ds that he is lonely, but that he will just have to get used to it. I had left hundreds of my the photos of my children behind in a file cabinet in the a huge empty basement mistakenly. I just received a small flat rate envelope that cost $6.00 with a note from him them saying that he went through all my photos and got rid of the ones "HE" thought were duplicates, not good, or that I might not want. How hard would it have been from him to just mail all the photos in the larger Priority mail box. Why would he taken upon himself to go through all my photos and sort them. Bizarre and cruel!!! However, a great reminder of what a gift he gave me in divorcing me because of his ds.

My opinion on this issue.... I will tell SO... it's the end babe, cause you prefer holidaying with your children then with your partner... good bey..

I'm just so tired of skids coming first all the time and being the alpha and omega.... why do you want to have a wife if you want to holiday with your adult children? SO will go on one of his holidays and when he returns there will be nothing to return to..... I will be gone ...

I've already made this decision and Aergia is not even an adult yet

I guess I'm not clear on what the objection is, other than your DH is spending time having fun with his son when you're not present. You say, "DH, poor soul, does not see this maneuver for what it is," but you don't say WHAT it is. Is it money spent, vacation time, or something else? I know you said SS asks DH to pay "odd costs," such as his cell phone bill. Is he asking your DH to pay for more than DH's portion of the trip, such that you think DH is only invited to foot the bill? Or, perhaps, if your DH pays even his portion of the trip, does that cut into your budget to be able to vacation together? Or maybe your DH only has a certain number of vacation days a year, so if he goes with SS, he won't have as many with you?

If money your DH spends on the trip means he doesn't have money for you all to go on vacation together, I understand that. Or, if it means he doesn't have any time off work left for the two of you to take a vacation, I get that as well.

Otherwise, I personally don't see what the problem is, and I think it's great his son wants to spend time with his Dad along with his friends. As you yourself pointed out, there will come a time when SS no longer wants to do these things with your DH due to his own life & obligations, so why shouldn't they do it now? The fact that your DH was "butt hurt" indicates these things bring him joy, and it makes me sad for him that you crushed his enthusiasm when he tried to share it with you.

My DH used to take my SSs on father-son trips when they were teenagers, which I thought was awesome. I'd love for them to do that today, and I'd even be glad to pay for it, but my oldest SS & DH only have limited days off of work, and the youngest SS is too self-absorbed to give DH the time of day. Unless I'm missing some information that's not stated (or perhaps it is stated and I'm missing it!) I guess if I were you, I'd happily enjoy my time alone (or with my own friends) when DH was doing this and would be as supportive as possible.

ETA: Also, I can't imagine expecting my SSs (or my bios, when they're grown!)to stay at a HOTEL rather than my home when they're in town! And I also would expect to at least provide most of their meals, like any other guests (unless, of course, you're talking about them staying for weeks on end and not just a regular visit.) However, I realize you mentioned there are "hostilities," so perhaps this is what makes the visits difficult, and if so, I understand that. However, the fact that I was providing a place to stay and meals when DH's kids were in town would not bother me in the least, and if they even suggested paying for a hotel, I'd insist they stay with us, but we have a good relationship.