numbers 4 and 5: no way in hell.

thanks for posting this. so very unrealistic.

just look at the happy sm in the picture. so happy and willing to be a door mat.

I so don't agree with most of this.

Aside from not talking crap about BM the meth-head in front of skid, this is BS.

Edited to add - she must not have kids of her own, and she must be one of the lucky few who doesn't deal with a nutcase BM.

1. Yes he had life before you.. everyone has.. how ridiculous.
2. Um nope, don't have to like her. Shoot DH doesn't like her. Both my Skids are over 18 and the only contact we have had with the EX was her failed attempt to blackmail my DH into paying her health insurance.. or else she would take him to court for spousal support (way past any time that it would have been possible).
3. Don't badmouth the other parent. Yeah, I can go along with this, but that doesn't mean that you can't defend your spouse if the kids spout off with some trash mommy said about them. I did tell my YSD that while everyone has their part in the divorce, there WERE reasons why her dad couldn't stay with her mom any further.. and that her mother wasn't an innocent/injured party in the situation. (conversation happened when YSD was over 18 btw).
4. Yeah, maybe/maybe not. Don't expect it.
5. UM.. nope. Kids do not rule the world and they are part of a family where everyone's needs will be considered. They will not always be put first.

I really have a feeling this was written by a Bio MOM. GUBM/MOTY

It think the key here is to not give generic one size fits all advice. What works for her and her household will not work for all.

Raise your hand if you don't believe for a minute she is a real stepmom having to do real stepmom things. Ha! Get along with BM? Yes because she is such the precious gem, why haven't I tried that...oh wait I did :sick:

There is always a reason that people get divorced, and it doesn't make for pleasantries afterwards. Anyone who has been through a divorce knows this.

I generally have a dislike for (rhymes with) hunty witches. So I am not going to like one now just because my husband used to dip his stick in one.

*yawn* Silly little rabbit.

Wow, the author is so naive. This sounds like her first relationship ever, nevermind marriage! The only remotely rational part is where she says to not bad mouth the ex in front of kids. Otherwise, wow, I need whatever happy drug she's taking.

HaHaHaHaHa!

Now that's some seriously funny s*** right there.

Look at the ages of the cute little bundles of joy. Give it a few years. And as for rule #2, that starts with the BM learning not to be a total AH to the SM. How can I "like" someone who badmouths me to her kids? Who pretends I don't exist? Who gets angry if the kids talk about me? Who says I'm not allowed to meet "her" children because my relationship with my DH is "purely sexual."

Yeah, let's ask her for the five year update.

I only agree with number 1 + 3 the rest... nope...

I hope this woman falls in love, have children, 2 and then gets divorced, may she meet a guy with 3 kids from previous marriage and live happily ever after in step hell... wonder if she will have the guts to ever write anything again like she did in this article....

https://lifeat30something.com/about-2/

She doesn't have bio kids. 2 step sons.

The grand irony is that a BM would probably disagree with her too.

Many BMs will tell you a SM isn't a "real" mom. In reality, SMs can run the gamut from "real mom" to parental figure to dad's wife to "that b*tch".

Honestly, it really does depend upon so many factors. For her to high horse act like it's because these women aren't smart enough or not trying enough is sickening.

BM's don't want to like the new lady. BM's don't want their kids to love the new lady.

I guess that she is just into it so young and early and it's possible that her DH is a primo dad and things are wonderful. She ought to come to this site and see some of the reality though.

In an ideal world, yes, one might agree. We do NOT live in this imaginary world. With 80% of the step children hating their step mothers, the liklihood of achieving this utopian state, is next to zero. Maybe the other 20% have a good chance of doing so, that would be nice to believe. Hell, if the ex was so fabulous, he should still with with her and this lady would not have to even write this ridiculous article.

If I was that in love with the ex, I would be sleeping with her; since that is not going to happen, most of this...is just insanity.

We should ALL be in love with all the ex's, seriously? The author is out of touch with reality!

GMA just reported this morning a new study citing babies ONLY take on their mother's gene for intellect (none of the father's); so we better love the ex's brains as well; if any of these new findings are true.

I believe this is the family that posted that picture a few years ago from Halloween with -- the author's husband (he took the pic and posted it), the author, her husband's ex, her new husband and that guy's ex. And the three kids -- two were his and one was his Ex's new husbands.

It went viral if I recall (it was on some holiday) and apparently lots of people have similar arrangements. Of course, what is true for one family is certainly not true. The problem with this kind of stuff is when people read it and expect all families to function a certain way.

And for what it is worth, I absolutely know step families that exist in similar dynamics