I'M FREE!!! :)

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Hi! I haven't been here in a long time, but I wanted to say that I'M FREE! DH and I separated in June. My boys and I have been living in an apartment since then, which isn't ideal, but MY GOD. It is SO worth it. No more skids (I had three - all boys, ages 12, 11, and 10), no more erratic visitation schedules (I literally never knew when they'd grace us with their snotty presence), no more BM drama, NO MORE OF ANY OF IT!

DH and I were married for almost three years. It's been about two months now since my boys and I left, and I thought I'd miss DH. Honestly, I haven't missed him even a little bit. The negative of the whole situation had gotten to the point that it overshadowed anything positive about our marriage. He's reached out to me several times, asking if we could meet for lunch or hang out, and I always say I'm too busy. Which I am. I still work full-time and have a lot of stuff to take care of every evening/weekend. I don't want to see him. The thought of it causes a lump of dread in my gut. Recently I went to the grocery store, saw his car in the parking lot, and turned around and left. I don't even want to bump into him anywhere.

The problems he and I had weren't just skid- and BM-related, but that was a huge part of it. His kids are snotty, entitled brats, and they have their dear Daddy wrapped around their grubby little fingers. And they know it. It caused a lot of drama that I don't miss AT ALL.

Was it hard to leave? Finally, yeah. It's been very expensive, as I had to replace almost everything (furniture, dishes, housewares, etc.) as part of our separation agreement (to keep him from touching my 401(k)), but it's been worth it. SO worth it. Eventually I'll be in better shape financially and can buy a house again, but for now, we're staying in an apartment. It's nice, though. It's a good size (about 1,420 square feet) and in a nice area. It even has a pool and tennis court, which we've enjoyed this summer. So it'll do for now, until I get the money stuff sorted out.

Anyway, YES it was expensive, YES it was a pain in the ass (I hate moving), but YEESSSS it was worth it!!! I am SO glad to be out of there!!!

I also wanted to add that

I also wanted to add that every day is like Christmas, in that I realize another thing I'll never have to deal with again, or it occurs to me that I can have something again that I couldn't have while with DH.

The thing I realized today is that I'll get Labor Day weekend back. I won't have to go spend three days at his parents' mountain house with them and DH's entire freaking family, cooped up in a tiny bedroom with the skids and my kids, and probably 3-4 other kids, sleeping stuffed in there like sardines. I won't have to mainline Xanax for 72 hours just to get through that "fun family weekend" EVER AGAIN! Woo hoo!

Congratulations!

I'm so happy for you!

Congratulations...it's very

Congratulations...it's very hard to make a move like that, yet so empowering and healthy for you and your kids!

haha congrats! I can relate

haha congrats! I can relate as I left mine in March. I feel the same way you do, including having the holdidays back!

Good FOR YOU NCGAL, good for

Good FOR YOU NCGAL, good for you.

It is freeing when you can walk away NOT in hate but for you. That is key and seeing his car in the parking lot, making the decision to turn around tells me you are on target.

A lot of women will torture their ex by way of stalking, or by way of court case after court case after modification etc. Keep it clean and keep it honest.

Oh, and one more thing..DO NOT LOOK back.

Enjoy your life and freedom. Hey maybe think about sticking around to help someone out who has been in your shoes, once in a while?

Thank you! I was just

Thank you! I was just sitting here at work, thinking about how nice it's going to be this weekend, weather-wise. The kids and I can go hang out at the pool, I can lounge under one of the big umbrellas and read a book while they play in the pool, then jump in occasionally when I get too hot. No husband to buzz around asking me every ten minutes (passive-aggressively) if there's laundry in the dryer, or if I plan on going to get groceries soon, or if there's anything else that needs to be done because he can't stand to see anybody sit still and relax for any length of time. GOD I hated that. His kids can lay around like slugs all day playing video games and that's just fine and dandy. Let ME sit down for five seconds and he can't stand it. He'd orbit into and out of the room every 5-10 minutes asking about this or that, or about some chore. He'd never actually come out and say "Hey, get up off your lazy ass and DO something," but that's exactly what he was getting at.

GOOD RIDDANCE to that shit! I can lounge around on my lazy ass all day if I feel like it!

GOOD JOB!

I'm so happy for you! Please

I'm so happy for you! Please keep checking in with us. There are members who could really benefit from your example.

I'll try to do that. I know

I'll try to do that. I know a lot of people don't come back here after they leave their step-parenting situation, but I think I'll try to hang around.

Getting out of that situation gave me a MUCH better perspective on things. You really can't see how bad it is until you can get out of it and breathe for a little while. Stepping back and looking at it, I don't know how I managed to stay as long as I did.

Oh, yes I do. Effexor. And Xanax. Lots and lots of Xanax.

if you dont come back, i will

if you dont come back, i will understand. no use discussing and reliving a time in your life that was frustrating and painful for you.

go and be happy, and wish my good wishes for you. i always liked your avatar. i managed, after being hurt too many times, to really embrace the whole sm thing and be proud of it. they made me who i am!

Do you think you would ever

Do you think you would ever get involved with another man who has kids now that you know what you know?

HELL NO! NEVER AGAIN. I

HELL NO! NEVER AGAIN. I realize that limits the number of men out there, but I don't care. Not one bit. I'm not interested in dating anybody right now, but if and when I ever do decide to date again, I will NOT be dating anybody with kids.

Remember to make no

Remember to make no exceptions, even if the kids are grown....80% do not like their SM's, from what information has been gathered. That is not a good average.

When one door closes, another

When one door closes, another opens...select wisely. Happy for you, can tell from your post....you have made a change in your life that will make a difference for everybody!

I've learned something about

I've learned something about myself, and it wasn't easy to accept, but I finally have. I'm not cut out for marriage. Really, I'm not. I'm too independent and too much of a hermit to tolerate another adult living in my home. I like my space and privacy, and my peace and quiet. That's hard to find with two kids, but damn near impossible with five kids (my ex's three and my two) AND a clingy spouse. I never had a moment's peace in that house, and I never felt comfortable there. I just felt like I was a guest in HIS home. It never felt like mine.

My biggest regret is that when we got married three years ago, I sold my house. UGH! I loved that house. And now the mortgage for his house is in my name (Yes, I screwed up BIG TIME there, and freely admit it), and until he can refinance it and get my name off it, I can't buy anything.

It's just as well, though. I need to pay off some debt and save up for a down payment anyway, which I'll be working on. I don't know how long it'll take him to get that house out of my name, but in the meantime, I can enjoy my life with my boys, and they can enjoy a bullshit- and drama-free life, too. I'll buy another house again, eventually. I'm not going to stress out over it now, though.

It's all good. The boys are happier as far as I can tell. They say they're happier, and their actions and behavior lead me to believe that that's true. I don't think any of us miss the drama. I just wish I'd gotten us out of there sooner.

Actually, let me rephrase that...I wish I'd never gotten us into that mess to start with!

My ex knows that I could

My ex knows that I could force him to sell that house any time I feel like it, and it's kept him from wigging out and being a total asshole throughout this process. We parted on civil terms, and I did agree not to do anything as far as forcing him to sell it, but he has to make a concerted effort to find a way to get the house out of my name. He hates having it in my name, so he'll do it. I'm not worried about that. He'll also keep paying the mortgage. He loves that house and would do anything to keep from losing it. It's just a little hiccup in the road, but as I said, it really doesn't matter at this point because I don't have a down payment or anything available to buy another house with right now anyway.

Oh Hon, you sound like an

Oh Hon, you sound like an introvert, which is not a bad thing at all. It just means that you enjoy your own company, appreciate peace and quiet, and have a low tolerance for b.s..

Congrats!

(No subject)

My condolences on the demise

My condolences on the demise of your relationship and congratulations on the start of your new life adventure.

Take care of you.

You're my hero lol

CONGRATULATIONS

CONGRATULATIONS HUNNY!!!!!!!!! ❤
I hope you get to do everything you have ever wanted, hobbies, travel, relaxing... You deserve it!!! Your courage is amazing thank you for sharing it with us

i really envy you for your

i really envy you for your courage and am happy you are getting out.

here i am 25 years later and too mired in things to move on. i survive by putting myself first before anyone else. i treat myself well.

congratulations on your move out of this toxic situation. you deserve better! your husband may be too thick to understand what went on at this point and perhaps never will. he lost a good woman due to his being clueless.

an idiot of a parent will

an idiot of a parent will allow a good marriage to be poisoned by their children. when the skids were young and in teens i had zero desire for my husband. i still dont. his lack of balls with the skids and his still having cow eyes for them as adults does not inspire love and admiration from me.

its good you are moving on. rejoice and dont look back!

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