I am reaching out to sd

POOEY!!! I hate even having to do this. I sent her a gift certificate to a restaurant and to Michael's for her birthday. We are scheduled to visit Saturday at 1. Of coarse we weren't invited into their house but it's okay. I am going to get to see my granddaughter for the first time! Hopefully I can make nice with my sd but honestly I don't see it happening. I'm in the state of mind that will think "look at her drink that water like she owns the place" so........I'm going to try though. I bought a ton of baby girl clothes do you think I should bring them?

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I like this idea! Personally

I like this idea!

Personally I would try to make some amends so you can be in the babies life. If things don't work out for whatever reason, I'd do this, take the money you would spend on her and put it in account to maybe help with college etc. when she's older.

Good luck!

Can I ask how come you don't

Can I ask how come you don't have a relationship with your son? I know your husband's daughter has been receiving pictures and updates about the baby from his daughter, but how come you aren't receiving them from your son?

Me and DH currently subscribe to the belief that each person is responsible for maintaining our child's relationship with our own parents. This lack of contact and info is on your son, not your SD.

But... I did... I even

But... I did... I even responded to her other blog post when she had first posted it. All it said was that her son started pulling away from her? But I'm curious as to why it's gotten to this extent. Unless I'm missing something I'll go back and check the comments a little more closely.

I mean I still stand by having her son be the one to do the relationship with her and her grandchild, I'm not sure why the focus and responsibility is all on the DIL/SD, considering fathers and husbands should have equal rights in saying who can be close to the kid.

I can't stand my MIL and even then, I tell DH he's responsible for maintaining BD's relationship with his mom and I won't stand in the way. Whether he does or does not is at his sole discretion.

If he really wanted his mom involved in the wedding and birth of his child, he would have made the effort. We often tell those who wish to elope that it's their wedding and they can have whoever they want in it.

Edited to add: It's like telling the stepmom she's responsible for pushing her husband to have a relationship with his kids. It's not her job, or her responsibility--it's all on the dad and more often then not this type of thinking causes a lot of resentment.

Yeah it was a little strange

Yeah it was a little strange to me. But it's not really going against his wife to text pictures or call about updates to his mom, right? And it's not like she's completely banned from seeing the grandchild, just not in their kids homes (and she seems a bit... critical... so I know I wouldn't want someone coming to my house just to later go and criticize how I live).

Likewise, her husband gets pictures and updates which means she does too by proxy, maybe the kids think as long as one parent gets it, the other one shares in it? Maybe they just are afraid of direct contact with the OP because they are afraid of her or something? Like I'll tell my mom something and know she'll pass it onto my dad without me specifically saying it.

I would like to know why the son is distant with his mom, or are all boys distant once they get married?

I come from a family of girls so we're really close to our parents, and although my own grandmother from my dad's side was crazy, my mom never stood in the way of my dad or us visiting her, she just wasn't allowed in our home or to contact my mother. The fact that my dad could only stomach being around her for about 30 minutes a week (and would take us with him send us outside to play immediately after we greeted her lest she say something messed up--he tried once and she told us a story about our uncle accidentally killing his rabbits and laughed about it knowing we had new pet rabbits) and would only visit that much to do his duties as her child was on him.

You know when you breed

You know when you breed really nice purebred dogs without considering their mental health, only for the physical, you get some nice looking but mentally messed up animals?

That... was my grandma. Pretty and smart (idedic memory--could recite any page she had only read once) but an absolute nut. No one wanted to marry her crazy ass until my grandpa came around because he was shallow at the time and wanted a beautiful trophy wife. Pretty sure he regretted it.

Killed and cooked same uncle's pet chicken, then served it to him for his 10th birthday dinner. He still doesn't eat chicken in his mid-sixties. Thought it was a hilarious story to tell 6 year old me. Locked my mom out of the house when it rained. Took pictures of my aunt's house and sent it to her relatives detailing how dirty she thought it was.

Out of his brothers, my dad is the only one who came out mentally unscathed and only because he is stubborn as hell and left the house early to strike his fortune.

I see what you did there

I also feel like something

I also feel like something else is going on here & I'm extremely curious what it is.

I can see getting the GD stuff, but I don't know about the SD. I suppose if you expect absolutely nothing in return for it, then it's a nice gesture. I think talking it out would be better. If you don't feel like you could keep your cool talking to her, could you write a letter & put it in a card? Give the card with the gifts, then wait & see what happens. I would simply try to mend things & apologize for my behavior, in the letter or discussion. I wouldn't point fingers at SDs behavior. Good luck.

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