Need a distraction...wine and chocolate chips.
So, up to speed. Tried to parent SS who was diagnosed with mental illness, essentially he suffers a severe case of spoiled by Disney DH, and gets his way all the time. It's out of hand. SS accused my parenting of abuse, so I told DH I wash my hands of it. He's never to be in the house without DH. BM and DH have to figure out what to do with him, I am no longer a child care provider for them.
Meanwhile DH tells me his reliance on his pain meds is now controlling him. (Something I called out on him months ago, but he wouldn't admit). So I go into strict problem solving mode, take the pills and agree to ration them until he gets into the doctor. He miraculously gets into the doctor that day (never happened before), and requests his pills back, they've got it under control now. He said he'd have to have two bottles, one to carry to/from work to hang on to the 2 he needs during the day, the rest he'll keep locked up, and I'm welcome to supervise.
The next day I check out the bottle, it's been emptied and replaced with aspirin. I told DH he needs to leave. I have my own kids to worry about, and there's enough crap. I've been contributing 90% of this marriage and family, and he gives so little in return. He said he understands. He's staying with his parents.
I'm crushed. I have a family gathering tomorrow, with an aunt who has been irritating the hell out of me with my "handling" of my family issues, and my demeanor in general. I don't know if I'll be able to make it...it's my grandparent's 65th wedding anniversary, and now showing up with my 2 kids, no DH, and a plate full of garbage. I have yet to explain this to my kids, 11 and 8.
I can't even.
For what it's worth...you did
For what it's worth...you did the right thing! Your DH needs to get help and by lying to you about his addiction, he is clearly NOT getting help.
You need to protect yourself and you children from him and his addiction.
Now...as far as the family Gathering. No one needs to know your business. As far as they are concerned....DH had something to do with SS and couldn't make it.
I would confide in only those who you know will be supportive, but not at the family gathering. This is your grandparents time, not yours to take over with your issues. Not that you would...just saying keep it to yourself until after the gathering.
After the family gathering, tell your kids that DH is sick and needs to get some help before he can come back home.
I'm sorry all this has been dumped on you.
Just take this time to be with your children, find some peace without DH or the SS and just breath.
Oh so sorry. My SS pulled the
Oh so sorry. My SS pulled the aspirin crap with one of DH's medications too. He 'fessed up as part of his recovery, and has been clean for a couple of years now. At least we think so.
You did the right thing. And I agree, all you have to do at the family gathering is tell them your DH is sick. He is. Addiction is a terrible disease. I hope your DH gets help.
In the meantime, you must take care of yourself. Talk with addiction counselors yourself to make sure you are getting what YOU need to cope with all of this.
Thank you everyone. I hung
Thank you everyone. I hung out with my neighbor last night. I called my mom and told her what's up. I asked her if she and my dad could bring the kids and make up an excuse for us. She said it wasn't a problem at all and completely understands. She said to sleep on it, maybe I'll feel like going, but don't worry about committing either way. My mother in-law allegedly had a heart attack which forced DH to leave me with 3 of our kids (my two and one of his while we left the other with his parents) for the rest of the week while we were on vacation 5 hours away from home. The kids asked last night where DH was and I told them he's staying with his parents because of that. My mother's going to use the same excuse. I'll tell them after the party that DH will be there a while because he's the one who is sick.
I'm going to meet with DH either today, or tomorrow to see what his plan is. I don't know what conditions I need to set to let him back in the house. He's never abused me or anything. Mostly it's just been lazy parenting and laziness around the house, and being very secretive, going out, being protective of his phone etc. I told him I"m not going to be the snooping wife. Clearly he has things to hide, and I want no part of it. I went to the therapist yesterday and she said clearly he needs rehab. He has an appointment with her Tuesday. I'm thinking I won't even consider his return before he's gone to rehab. But I don't know what else. I'll just start with meeting him this weekend. He wants to talk to me. I haven't told him what I know, I told him that when I'm so open he exploits it by keeping only to that topic and lets other things go unaddressed. So maybe now is the time to fess of up everything that's been going on with him. He said there are 2 things he needs to tell me.
I told my neighbor I hate drama. She said you're avoiding the drama by removing this problem from your life.