Teenage stepdaughter
My stepdaughter was a thoughtful, kind and caring person, she is 15 years old and i have been in her life sinse she was ten.. shes a good student is funny and clever and a generally good kid.
when i got with her mum she was wonderful, happy and loving and fun
but since age thirteen shes gotten worse and worse.
Her mum was pregnant to a man twice her age at sixteen and i thought she would try to help keep our daughter on the right path.. but she acts like she cannot stand up to our daughter.
The truth is the child has become very selfish and manipulating and is nice as pie as long as she can do everything she wants and we do not dare question her or try to discipline her.
When shs told no or qustioned she reacts like were the kids and shes the parent.
When on occasion ive shouted at her generally after being spoken to like scum or when shes disobeying my partner she deliberatly starts screaming and overreacting to involve her mother and has nearly caused our relationship to break up.
lets start with makeup
it began with occasional lipgloss which quickly became lipstick every day at twelve-thirteen
a concealer to cover a few spots became powder and foundation..
she just decided to start contouring and wearing eyeliner, mascara and whatervelse
I feel really embarressed to be seen with her.
day by day she began to aquire and wear more and more makup and inapropriate clothing for a child..
now at fifteen she wont walk out the door without a full face lie a drag queen..
As for dressing she has to be told every single day to cover her breasts or not to show her underwear
her excuse is its too hot.
Aside from not knowing where to look, i cant invite friends round and dont like to go anywhere public with her
never been a prude but i cannot look at her when i can see her cheast and her knickers because her clothes are so short. at times i have felt physically sick.
We used to have so much fun together and i love her like shes my own id give her my heart if she needed it.
But i do not like this person she wants to be she has no respect for anyone or anything and her only topic of conversation are makeup, clothes and celebrities.
i know alot of people will just say its normal and let her be, but i disagree shes still very much mentally a child she thinks because miley cyrus and nikki minag dress lie thsi and act like whores then is normal.
but to me her selfishness and disrespect for erslf and others are as bad as if she was a thief or racist.
I refuse to be seen with rag
I refuse to be seen with rag a muffin slutty dressed child and will NOT go out with them. I can be standing fully ready to go eat dinner and one of them will come out looking like a idiot, I will take one look at SO and say you know, my stomach hurts, you guys should go without me.
To me the people you surround yourself with are a reflection of yourself.
Is it only about make-up and
Is it only about make-up and clothes? Your examples were of that and I would like to make a point based on this. I have 3 bio daughters, ages now 19-35. Many parents put age restrictions on kids but many times those restrictions are based on what we were allowed as children and I do not feel we can put those same restrictions on our own children. Everyone is different and you have to go with their phases and what they are going thru. They are going to be influenced by peers....you can't just tell them not to be and think it will be okay; they will be influenced. When my daughters started wanted to experiment with make-up I did allow it, same with clothes and they wore some real crazy outfits, some I was embarrassed to be seen in public but I knew they were trying to find themselves. I did not harp on them about their make-up choice and they did put it on rather thick but they learned. The only thing I would say was to ask them what kind of attention they "thought" they would be attracting if the shorts were too short or a shirt was too low. I would tell them this might attract the male's eye but what they are not seeing is who you are inside. You see my dad was the type that us girls had to wear turtlenecks in the summer (exaggeration) and were told our make-up looked like s**t. He wanted us to be safe from the boys but he was doing so in a way that more controlling than loving. I did not want to do the same. I have had friends who have had terrible teen situations with their daughters over clothes and make-up, to me this is crazy. There are alot more worries. Target the issue...let them know they have value. They see this garbage on the TV everyday with these very beautiful women getting attention for their revealing clothing and it is accepted. They don't understand the dangers and those who do know what kind of attention they are attracting are probably doing so to make themselves feel good about themselves. Let her find herself and be supportive, this is a hard phase in their lives and what kids need most at this age is supportive parents.
A side note here, all my girls made it thru this stage just fine. They no longer dress cray and they do not dress seductively or wear heavy make-up. The youngest is probably the strongest of them all. She went to a school with bullies and she learned to deal with them. I wasn't sure my girls were listening when I would ask, "Do you know what kind of attention this might attract?" but they were and I can see they value themselves to be more than just a pair of thighs for the next guy.
no its about me loosing my
no its about me loosing my little girl..
i understand shes growing up and thats fine.. just sickens me that the tv and musc has lead her to beleve that she should walk around seminaked with a face full of paint.
its the complete opposite of confidence shes becoming afraid to show her real self and is creating a caricature of disney actresses and popstars
who are little more than talentless attention seekers.
Shes loosing everything that makes her individual and special and pretending to be a brainless bimbo just to try and be cool or popular.
shes turning into one of the mean girls , selfish and thoughtless and self obsessed.
I rarely fall on the side of
I rarely fall on the side of disengagement but in this case... disengage. Other than to give the child and her mother clarity that she will not go anywhere in public in your presence if she is marketing the goods like a two bid hooker. If you are leaving the house to go to dinner as a family turn her around, tell her she is not joining the family because she is an embarrassment and the rest of you go to dinner.
Lather, rinse, repeat. No need to be any more involved in this situation other than to set your own boundaries for her dress when she is in public with you.
It is puzzling that her mother got knocked up at 16 by a much older man and yet tolerates her daughter strutting like a street walker. :?
Apparently lessons in that gene pool don't sink in.
This is all very normal, but
This is all very normal, but let me just say if you and your wife are on the same page, then YOU KEEP AT HER EVERYDAY.
I am not buying into the whole body shaming and girls should wear what they want crap. I think its a good thing to teach a girls how to dress without their underwear, boobs and butt hanging out. Good for you! So many men are not doing this nowadays they feel like they aren't allowed to tell their daughters how to dress. Its shameful.
Oh I went through this not
Oh I went through this not with my bio daughters but with my SD's. My bio daughters were embarrassed by them. I would not sit with them and I would walk behind them or in front of them. This too shall pass. Now that they are older they look back at pictures and say why did we dress and look like that? One suggestion would be to take her and have someone teach her how to properly apply make up that looks pretty and natural.
My YSD started this at about
My YSD started this at about the age of 14 and quite honestly, at 30 she stills wears tons of make-up, "tarty" clothes as DH describes it, and definitely seeks that kind of attention
I used to react as you do...irritated, disgusted to a degree, and didn't want to be out in public with her dressed like that
I finally reached a level of disengagement where this was concerned where I simply decided that she was not my daughter, it was not my business, and unless I felt some harm would come to her - she wanted to walk to a friends house several blocks away on her own half dressed, uh no - I stayed out of it
DH would get irritated when I didn't want to join them for dinner in a restaurant, but eventually he also started to see her manner of dress, and surprised me by getting after her on it more than once
At the end of the day, my YSD is truly a sweet person with a good heart. So she dresses for attention. Okay, so what. She's still awesome and I've learned to ignore that thing about her
You say your SD was a real sweetheart. So maybe she still is. And is simply going through a stage.
My advice? Look past it! Look at all the other good qualities that she has and ignore this. Other than her behaviour putting her in harms way, let her mother deal with it
It looks like a man dressed
It looks like a man dressed in female clothes....you can tell by the stomache and legs. Plus, in the picture up close of 'her' face, it looks like a man.
What's the mother's opinion
What's the mother's opinion on this? It sounds like you're the one frustrated the most about it :/ it's hard to be a step parent with a partner that has different conceptions and would not back your values ...
I've been an active alum
I've been an active alum involved on the board of a very, very prestigious women's college for the past 30 years. These are young women who are "superstars" - perfect SAT scores with 4.0+ GPAs.
I've seen some who literally must apply their makeup with a spatula. Others who wear none. For the most part they grow out of the extremes and learn how to enhance rather than cover.