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HELP PLEASE!!!

26yroldStepDad's picture

Submitted by 26yroldStepDad on Mon, 03/05/2007 - 8:31am

Hello, this is my first time writing and I've read the blogs before and know there is a lot of experience in here. I need help. I'm 26 my girlfriend is 30 and my stepson will be 12 next week. For a good while now he's been rude and has an attitude when anyone one even in school gives him orders. It's gotten to the point that he's rude to me, answers back, has told me (friday) to shut up and it's getting worse and worse. I'm always there for him. If it's for homework, to play, he's hungry I'm always there and take time out to cater to his needs. This past weekend has been the worst. Friday through Sunday there has been arguing in the house which I've tried to ignore due to the fact my girlfriend and I decided to let her handle any situation when it comes to him, for the most part. Well, it's a known rule in the house you take your shoes off at the door. Sunday he claims he called me (which i didn't hear) and being that i didn't answer he walks in the house with his sneakers. I got angry because we've been living together for 2+ years and we all take our shoes off. Well make a long story short he asked me, "but why do you have to get angry!" I told him why and he started walking away as he left I closed the door and said, "get the F out of here". I've never spoken to himlike that before till yesturday. I know i was wrong in using foul language but I exploded everyday this weekend it's been constant fighting in the house and I guess I exploded. Well it got realy ugly when he ran and told my girlfriend what I said and now we're at the point of deciding if we should continue or seperate. She feels it's bad enough she has to deal with her sons attitude and misbehavior and on top of that deal with the problems between me and her son. I feel his rudeness towards me is growing as he gets older and soon if not already has lost respect for me. I don't want to find myself being disrespected by my stepson in my house and the situation escalating as he gets older. I need some helpful insight Thanks for reading my entry.

Comments

stepup's picture

Submitted by stepup on Mon, 03/05/2007 - 8:47am

Ever thought of some family counceling for you and stepson? Might help you both find your way.. and find your place within the house hold. I know people are always reluctant.. but if it's a choice between breaking up with the woman you really care about.. and seeing a therapist.. I figure you may as well see the therapist.. see if it can help.

Stepup

holeekrap789's picture

Submitted by holeekrap789 on Mon, 03/05/2007 - 9:51am

I have been in a somewhat similar situation for the past 3 yrs. My bio children being rude and having an attitude towards my B/F, and his bio son having an attitude and being rude towards me. I was letting it go for the longest time, telling myself that B/F needed to be the adult here and learn how to get the kids to like him, you know, he had to put the effort in. My poor babies had been through hell and needed understanding, love, support, compassion, etc...
His son and I were having the same problem and I was expecting the dad to crack down and enforce respect for me. I began resenting his sons visits.
Then a major revealation hit me...If my B/F should enforce respect for me, shouldn't I do the same for him? So I began cracking down. I told the kids they don't have to like him, but they sure as hell better talk to him like they do to their teachers, pastor or whoever they did show respect to.
B/F's resentment started letting up, he became nicer to the kids, they saw a good side to him and they all started interacting positively....It is by far not perfect, there are still a lot of hurt feelings and anger that is on the back burner being worked on. But there is a change happening for the positive and the kids are acting the way they should be. This keeps B/F from fighting with them..and me seeing him as just as immature, and it keeps me out of the middle of their fights so neither one is feeling that I am choosing sides.
The kid needs to show respect, The only one who can force this issues is his mom, She needs to see why it's necessary. If you can find someone mom trusts to talk with her and point things out it would probably help a lot....I know when this was goin on here I would not accept any opinion my B/F had of my kids. His opinion only angered me.
Good luck it's a hard spot to be in....oh and forgive yourself for the swearing...we are all human and have a breaking point ....it sounds like you reached yours
Lisa Dawn