Help!! Relationship advice
I have been with my fiance now almost 2.5 years. She has a 6 year old daughter who is 7 in less than a month.
Iam 25 and work full time and also in college full time my fiance doesnt work but is in the same class as me. I have about a 19 hour day. Not 1 min of my day is used on myself. I go to school at 7 end at 3 work 3:30-12:00 then follow with a shower then eat and of course 2 hours of home work which leaves me 5 hours of sleep.
Now my step daughter is very needy and aggresive. She cries because she knows she will get what she wants then. We will be in a store and she will want a 50$ toy and will cry and fit until she gets it. She plays with it for half an hour then thats the end of that toy because she will just get a new one the next day anyway. I tell my fiance well we are at the store "she will play with it once so she doesnt need it" then my fiance will respond with "shes my only kid so its not a big deal". Sometimes she even gets me to pay and she will say she will pay me back. I have said no before which has landed me in alot of trouble.
Another MAJOR issue is the sleeping. Lets go back to the fact i only am left with 5 hours of sleep. But the thing is i dont get that 5 hours to sleep. (Im on my way to work now with 3 hours of sleep) my step daughter is NOT even in the slightest bit bed trained. Im not joking. Her mom will start and it will last one night then it ends there. Until i complain again and it starts a fight. Her daughter will come into our room at about 2-3:00 in the morning. Once again hysterically crying. And she isnt having a nightmare because if she does she is crying in her bed yelling for someone if she does. She comes into our room yells and cries and her mom just lets her in. (i have a broken foot that im having surgery on this tuesday, this will help make sense of the next part) now i sleep on the right side of the bed so my foot doesnt wind up on the floor. When her daughter comes in she will cry her mom will let her in the bed and then she will continue to cry, her mom asks whats wrong snd she says shes cold so her mom will RIP the blankets off me even if i have them wrapped around my foot. Her daughter is almost 7 and not bed trained of course im mad. So i get up and limp to the couch because her daughter usually kicks my foot in her sleep. Shes a restless sleeper. So when i move to the couch my fiance gets mad at me. Well i cant help it!!! Then why i complain im mad she gets mad at me saying her kid can sleep with her for however long she wants. So i give up and say well looks like ill be on the couch for a long time. So my fiance will agree to bed train her and thats when it will last for one night.
I love them both but cant take this anymore. What do i do????
I would leave. no reason to
I would leave.
no reason to stay in that kind of relationship
If fiance wants you back she needs to train her daughter to stay in her own bed before you even consider moving back.
My son will be 25 this fall,
My son will be 25 this fall, so I'm going to tell you the same things I would tell him.
Are you out of your mind??? You're in college, sounded by tons of young women WITHOUT CHILDREN. Why in the hell would you makd the CHOICE to hitch your wagon to a user????!!!! There's no way you should be supporting her and her kid.
Stop allowing her child to sleep in your bed. You're opening the door for someone to claim sexual abuse.
Dump this chick and find a woman who wants to be an equal partner in your relationship, not one who is looking for a free ride.
I will add that if this were
I will add that if this were my son, and he responded with the 'but, Mom, you don't' understand. I loooove her'? He'd get the next round.
It's been 2 1/2yrs. Nothing has changed. You complain, she humors you for a night or two. Then it's right back to the same old sh*t. Look, son, she likes the way she parents. She doesn't want to change a thing. Sure, she'd like it if you'd just STFU and stop whining about her chosen parenting style, but she doesn't intend to change. She's happy. The kid's happy. Flash forward five years. Do you think, son, she will parent your future child any differently? Nope, she won't and you'll find yourself not sleeping on the couch, but being a EOWO Papa with a child who is being raised and parented by this same woman all but 96hrs a month. Is that really the future you had in mind?
YUP, OP, whatever you do, do
YUP,
OP, whatever you do, do not knock this one up.
If she isn't working now with a school aged kid, she's not going to want to work when (if???)she gradutes. She'll get pregnant by mistake on purpose then point out that it's much cheaper for her to stay at home with the baby instead of getting a job and helping you support the family.
Be careful and don't fall for the okey doke
Just proves that women can be
Just proves that women can be user/losers too.
You seem like a hard working
You seem like a hard working and responsible man. Save yourself, get out of this relationship. It will not get better and you are definitely being used.
You sound like a smart, well
You sound like a smart, well adjusted young man with your head on your shoulders... about everything except relationships.
What you describe doesn't even sound like a relationship.. Hell, by your schedule, you don't even have time to be a partner to anyone- at least not for someone with their shit together.
What I read loud and clear is this woman sees "SUCKER" written right across your forehead! Almost 7 and co-sleeping? Screaming for toys? That's toddler bullshizz, and stuff that is supposed to be being PARENTED OUT OF HER. Your "partner" wants to parent that greediness INTO HER.
Is this really what you want out of a life partner? Is this really the woman you think will hold it together when your time of need comes? Will raise your children if you want any? Care for you in old age????
I'm thinking not. She sounds pretty awful, actually.
You seem decent and hard
You seem decent and hard working. But this is an unworkable situation. Leave ASAP - it's not getting better
Do not give her any money and sleep on sofa from now on so you actually get sleep. Heck sleep in ur car at this rate
Get out of this situation before you are tied to them forever
You know what to do. So do
You know what to do. So do it. You are making a Herculean effort to build a life for yourself and she and her mini-me are the Sucubus pair that are draining your life energy from you. Staying in this situation is just permanently surrendering your man card IMHO. My XW required that of me and the greatest event of that hellish 2.5 years of my life was when cavern crotched skank whore ran off with her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar daddy/out of wedlock spawning baby daddy. Good riddance to that crap. Let me tell you.
My greatest revenge was completing my undergrad, grad school, a great career, and most of all the amazing life that my incredible bride of 21+ years and I have made together and the son we raised together (my SS-23 now adopted by me).
Cut your losses on this relationship, rid yourself of the drama of this toxic breeder and the spawn of her shallow and polluted gene pool, go on to an amazing life, and do not settle for making a life with anyone that is anything less than an equity life partner who matches your own effort, commitment, and contribution to the relationship. Do not tolerate a partner who is not additive to your life.
Congrats on school. When is graduation?
You do what you want honey.
You do what you want honey. If this relationship has goals..stay in it. If it has roadblocks that you think are keeping from your own goals..sit down and think about it. Decide what YOUR needs are. If you and your fiance are in this together..sit down and talk about it. Make it work.
I feel for you. My advice -
I feel for you. My advice - don't settle for an abusive relationship.
And it is abusive, IMO. Look up emotional abuse in relationships.
Your girlfriend makes you buy toys for her daughter otherwise she gets mad?!
She disrupts your sleep then gets angry when you leave the bed?
Please don't settle for the manipulations, guilt tripping, and emotional abuse.
You're 25, so young. You have all the time in the world to have a family, especially as a man. My advice would be to leave and focus on your studies, find a young woman without kids and have your own family in the future if that's what you want.
But you deserve a milliom times better than what you have now.