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post partum or lazy & selfish

Oldmom's picture

just a little back story
Son & DIL have been together 8 yrs. She as an 8 yr old boy that only knows my son as daddy. Last yr shortly after a miscarriage she threw my son out because there was someone else, the thug is a drug addict and dealer(and physically abusive). When she threw out my son he moved back home with her son. This lasted 36 days.

Son and DIL had a baby boy 3 months ago. He was 8 wks premature and she was in the hospital on bed-rest 3 wks prior. Last week he was put out again. The boys, of course are living here. Including the infant, She see them a couple hrs a day max. The thug is back and she is trying to see if they can have a relationship.

Son is devastated and has been severely depressed since the last time she did this. To me she seems to play this "come here I need you, get away from me I don't want you" game. Son only wants her back and I am trying to get him to a dr for medication and therapy.

I just don't think it's natural for a new mother to just walk away from her infant. I think there is some kind of psychological problem, mainly postpartum. She comes from a really screwed up family where drugs and criminal activities are normal. Her mom and brother are dead, both passed before she set her hooks on my son.

So thoughts... postpartum or a bitch

Ex4life's picture

I'm looking at the timing of the last time she threw him out/new baby/ thrown out again and have a question. Is your son sure he's daddy to the new baby?? If it were my son I'd be pushing for a DNA test pronto!#

Aeron's picture

It is possible it's PPD. Or even postpartum induced psychosis. I would be curious to know how she has treated your son when she was not pregnant or postpartum. If she has otherwise been a good and trustworthy partner I'd say it's likely PPD. If she was a shady rat before, it's probably both.

If she comes from a screwed up family or has had depressive episodes before it's very likely the hormones have set her off. She may think she doesn't deserve any better than what she grew up with. PPD can make it nearly impossible to bond with a baby. She could be having fears that she will hurt her child or if she's in a particularly bad way she may have a voice in her head telling her the baby isn't really hers. What's "natural" around childbirth is a huge huge spectrum and if you or your son can help her get into a professional that would probably be best for everyone.

jumanji's picture

Did you miss where she miscarried a year ago and SonnyBoy knocked up straight after?