DH is pissed off...But not at me! why do I still feel guilty??
Last night DH, SS25 and I were in the kitchen talking. SS25 was talking about the presents he bought for SDG7 (my step-granddaughter, his niece). SS25 says the stuff he wanted to buy had already been purchased by SD27, after she sent everyone the Xmas wish list. DH looks at me and says, crap, I haven't bought anything yet, and we got the list of what we are supposed to buy a couple weeks ago. They both looked at me, and being firmly disengaged, I said, "Well, not a problem for me. If SD27 wanted me to do any shopping, she would've sent me a list." SS25 looked a bit uncertain...and after an awkward pause trying to come up with something, asks if SD27 has my number.. Yep, she does.
(The wish list was a group text to all the family informing everyone what to buy. DH's phone has been blowing up for a while now with everyone claiming which gift they are going to buy. so nice seeing texts come in from the ExWife - not!)
Anyway, last night DH was apologizing to me that his daughter doesn't include me in any of the family text messages. I said not to worry about it -- I was perfectly fine not having all the replies from everyone, especially his ex, blowing up my phone.
This morning, DH had his quietly angry face on -- trust me, the quiet anger is WAY worse than anything else -- it means he's had time to calm down, think about things from various angles, and is STILL pissed. DH apologized again for SD. I said, she's an adult, and one of the perks of being an adult is to be able to choose who we have relationships with, and who we don't. His answer was a very cold "I'm tired of her being disrespectful to MY WIFE."
Soooo, part of me feels supported and loved, because he's willing to stand up for me, and at the same time I feel guilty because if I hadn't made a comment last night, just made a non-committal "mmm hhmmm" noise, he wouldn't be upset.
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I don't think the outcome
I don't think the outcome would have been different. You stated a fact, you did not receive a text. Simple really. (although the gift list sounds VERY tacky to me). This was his Eureka moment although he didn't run through the street naked. But he DID have a moment when he realized how his daughter treats you with no actual reason to do so apart from the fact that... she can so she does.
He realizes his daughter is mean and nasty. And maybe for a long time he has been in denial but last night without fanfare and a parade or raised voices he faced the situation that his daughter is not a nice person. I suspect in time he will face off with her. She will splutter and come up with the same onld reasons etc. But the rose coloured glasses are no longer on his face. He will see she is just like her mother.... and you aren't.
The only think I would feel
The only think I would feel bad about is letting DH know I wasn't on her super special VIP list... Yikes, now he might confront her and get you on that super special list too, then what will you do :?
This is a wonderful reminder of why SD doesn't have my phone number. I am not available to watch her, I'm not available to drop things off to her when she forgets to bring stuff to her mom's house, I'm not available to drop her off anywhere, and I'm certainly not available to fulfill wish lists for her.