I am from the group that was raised different too so I feel ya. My mother could stop me in mid sentence with the twitch of an eye brow.

I realized that X wasn't going to do anything to stop his D from being an embarrassment in public. He thought it cute, charming and just didn't want to deal with it. So, he expected everyone to just do what she demanded, including wait staff reading a menu to her.

I quit going in public with them.

ALL of the above!
I was horrified the first couple times I went to a restaurant with SDs (then 7 and 9). Utterly embarrasing. And DP once said, as they RAN over to an empty booth in the area where we were and they started jumping on the seats, "...it's ok, there's no one here..." ME: We are in a RESTAURANT and there ARE other people here and they are not respecting others' things.
They would also drink all the 1/2 & 1/2 containers, eat the sugar, crawl under the table, etc. At 7 and 9!

I flat out told DP I would not be going out with them again unless he was able to control them AND that I would be prepared to flat out walk out mid-dinner.

We didn't go out for a long, long time. They are better now because now there's rules.

My only last issue is a lot of the time they refuse to take of their coats. Why? I have no idea. Drives me crazy, esp. when coats/jackets are dirty and the sleeves are brown along the cuffs. But I don't say anything anymore - if they want to look silly or get food on the coats so be it.

Paddle or belt.... meet skid butt. End of problem.

Zero tolerance for inappopropriate behavior, bring the consequences, escalate them as needed. Lather, rinse, repeat.

My 13yr old SS has high functioning autism, but is VERY aware of who he can play & who he can't. He was still trying to test me to see where I fit in those the 1st time I decided to take him & his little bro, 9, to the grocery store w/out DF. I told him (because I knew how he was) before we left the car that he was to stay next to me the whole time, not go wander off, and not have a tantrum if we don't get whatever he wants because I had limited funds on me. I told him no toys, only food, and only 1 of those organic low fat beef stick thingies they like each if they behaved themselves (he has health issues & a fam history of diabeties so I worry). After I told him the consequences if he chose not to follow the rules, he agreed......yeah. I spent the whole time telling him "get back here!", then at check out, after the girl rang up his treat, he thought he was home free. He proceded to walk to a my little pony display (his long lasting obsession), grab a pony doll, and tried to get me to buy it. When I told him to put it back, he said "NO!! If you wont buy it for me, I'm just going to take it" and started acting like he was gonna stick it in his pocket. Yeeeeaaaah.....like I was gonna let that slide. Because his BM & her mom woulda given in out of embarrasment, he was expecting it from me too. I said, very loudly, "If you do not put that back RIGHT now, then you will lose all electronics for the next 2 days." Then I asked the girl to take the treat off of the list because we wouldn't be needing it any more. He tried to start crying at that, until I threatened to call his dad at work right then and there, which shut him up real quick. I have never taken him anywhere w/out DF since then. I don't care what other ppl think about me when I discipline a kid in public, I care about that child having enough respect for other ppl to not ruin their trip to the store because of his rude behavior.

I'm from a diff gen too. Yes, he's autistic & has limitations. I make allowances for that. But disrespectful behavior is something he can control, and trying to manipulate me because he thought I wouldn't want to be embarrassed by a scene in public was a BIG miscalculation on his part. Tho Im still kicking myself for not making him apologize to the cashier for his behavior.

My boys were the best behaved most polite kids in restaurants because I had a friend who's child was a holy terror when we went out.

I didn't have kids and we went to Red Lobster. It was me, exH, her, her hubby and their daughter aged 4. She jumped, she stared at the people in the next booth, she spat out food that she didn't like, she screamed when she couldn't sit on dads lap, she screamed when she couldn't run and look at the lobsters, she screamed when they didn't have the toy she wanted because the boy before her took the last one.
I told them to take her and go sit in the car, they were no, no she'll calm down, she's just a kid. And the best! Wait till you have kids, you'll see it's not easy to take a kid out.

I kept my mouth shut for the most part but told exH that our kids would never ever behave like that in public. We only ever went out that one time. Every time they would suggest we go for dinner I said not a chance. Your child is the worst behaved child I've ever seen and I'm not doing that again. My friend agreed with me but her hubby said I was a biotch and just wait till I had kids.
Needless to say we didn't see much of each other but their relationship didn't last and she and I reconnected after they broke up.

"It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others"

I used to secretly film the way my SD ate when we were in public, then play it back on the big screen. DH caught on to table manners quickly.

The only think we had to stop SD from doing in public aside from table manners was whining loudly about how she really needed (fill in the blank). From game consoles to ridiculously expensive shoes to underwear(which is a whole different story, I don't know why as I step I'm having to take a child that isn't mine shopping for intimate apparel). So I sat her down at 10 years old and showed her how many hours her father would have to work to buy her that particular pair of shoes, and if she really liked something, instead of announcing it, she should keep a list to give to others ideas for birthdays/holidays.

eeeee Table manners are a non negotiable. Whenever my kids would even be THINKING of acting up in public, I would make tyhem look me in the eye and tell them "look around- all these people didn't come here to watch a kid act the fool". And CTBB knew better than to start the eating with hands/lip smacking/no napkin shit very early in our relationship.