Nice Try, SD11...Try Harder!
So it's been over a week and SD11 has calmed down from the last fiasco, and we're trying them for another week. So far, it's been ok (we've had them since Monday night). She actually hasn't asked to eat every hour on the hour, so our food supply is pretty good!
Anyway, as per usual, when things are TOO good, she needs to start some drama - which she did (or tried to!) last night! I made pizza and wings for supper and they had ice cream waffle cone sundaes for dessert. At one point, she asked if she can have a smoothie with dessert - I said NO, but they can have smoothies later on in the night before bed...So, DH goes and rents movies, and we're watching them. Half hour later, "SM, can we have smoothies?" "Not yet, SD11. You just had ice cream. You can have a smoothie a bit later." Another half hour passes. "SM, when can we have our smoothies?" "In a bit, SD11. After the movie..." Another half hour passes. "Is it time for smoothies yet?" *eyeroll* "Nope..." So, she starts playing on her phone and 5 mins later "BD, my mom wants you to call her" (like we don't already know what this is about!) So he reluctantly checks his phone and sees the text "BD, tell SM to stopp yelling at SD11" :jawdrop: Are you fucking kidding me??? He rolls his eyes and puts his phone away. Seeing as how we're not jumping at her command, SD11 CALLS her mom and then gives it to her dad, acting all "I don't know what this is about"...So he finally tells BM straight up that SD11 wasn't getting a smoothie right away, so she was trying to get me in trouble. BM told him that if he needs to, to take her phone away!
I can't believe (well, I can!) she went and ratted on me over a fucking SMOOTHIE! This is just low and pathetic! Nobody ever died from not getting a smoothie right after their sundae! And by the looks of her, she could have done without both - I was in a good mood and thought a treat would be nice for the kids...Her older brother and my BS8 are both very active boys who eat a LOT, and neither of them seemed to need a smoothie to survive the night! WTF! I'm just glad she was called out by her dad AND her mom! I was biting my tongue the whole night over this, but I'm the adult and I'm not gonna get into over a stupid smoothie!
BTW I didn't make her one after that! She's gonna learn pretty fast that you don't bite the hand that feeds you (literally!)! DH was pretty disappointed in her for such a petty "revenge" that didn't even work in her favour! I told him to follow through on taking her phone away after that - and BM doesn't want her free time interrupted over stupid things! We're actually on the same page with this!
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LOL I know! It's like
LOL I know! It's like ordering a milkshake with your Big Mac meal :/ blech!
Granted, the pizza and wings were all homemade so there were no preservatives or extra grease...but a SMOOTHIE with your SUNDAE??? WTF???
Thanks for your response, it
Thanks for your response, it makes total sense. For the record, we only did the take out that one night as a special thing - I cook homemade meals the rest of the week...
I admit, I was always making special desserts for when they come over because I know that their mother doesn't really buy food, so I always thought, "Well, I'll be the cool stepmom who always makes cool treats!" Since her weight gain, though, I've tried to pull back on that a bit. Problem is, when they're not here, I do make the desserts and there are usually leftovers by the time they come back :/
SD11 is a "bored" eater - when she gets bored, she needs to eat just to have something to do. Her older sister was like that (although I'd peg her as more of an emotional eater as well), but her foster parents were strict with her diet and she's since lost over 30 lbs and she looks great! SD11 always needs to be eating, even after she's had cereal and toast and whatever, she's hungry again right away. If we try to gently explain to her that she's just eaten and will have to wait until the next meal, she'll go crying to BM and say that we're not feeding her! Meanwhile, the boys (SS13 and BS8) don't get hungry again until HOURS after a meal...and they're very active! When DH tries to talk to SD11 about her weight and eating habits (not in a mean way, just explaining how overeating isn't healthy, etc), she gets defensive, saying "I'm not fat" (as her stomach is pooching out over her pants) and that her Dr doesn't think she has a weight problem - I've checked her BMI, and 120 lbs at 4'10" IS in the overweight category for an 11-yr-old. I'm 5'ft tall and weigh 117 lbs (just recently lost 1/2 a pound - yay ME!)...
This weekend, I haven't made any of my usual desserts, just some fruit and yogurt popsicles, granola bars, and we have a box of sugar-free freezies in the freezer. We can make all the healthy foods we want at our house, but when she gets home, who knows what crap BM will be feeding her...and when she comes back, carrot and celery sticks will be deemed child abuse and malnourishment!
The problem is BM facilitates
The problem is BM facilitates the tattling BM should have shut her down right off the bat...
SD11- "Wah, wah, SM is yelling at me"
BM- "Yelling about what?"
SD11- "She won't make us smoothies when she said she would"
BM- "Ok, are you going to die from lack of a smoothie? I doubt it. If you are having an issue with SM, then speak with your father about it. Love you have a good night"
I just don't get it???? I mean BS5 has come to me MANY times and said "wah wah, Daddy is acting like a jerk! (pout, pout)" and I say "Well, what did you do? Daddy doesn't just "act like a jerk" for no reason, you must be doing something, so stop it" And life goes on. I can imagine if every time BS5 did that, I went off on DH, then I would have a monster by age 11 just like you do.
BM spoils her. Period. And
BM spoils her. Period.
And now, we have to deal with this spoiled little Princess. Well, she's going to find out the hard way that the world doesn't work like that. You can't go crying to Mommy if the store is closed, or if McDonald's has run out of milkshakes, or if someone tells you NO. She outweighs me (a 38-yr-old woman who has had 2 kids) by at least 10 lbs! She don't need no damn smoothie! What, we can't have any treats in the house (for ourselves) because she'll want to eat it all? That's ridiculous! I have to hide my sons' candy just so she can't get to it behind our backs :S
Luckily, though, that we can see through all her BS. And lately, BM has been on our side. The last thing she wants during her free time is to have to deal with these stupid little arguments over nothing!
My SDs try to tattle to their
My SDs try to tattle to their mom. The only difference is BM would never be on our side. We are supposed to bend over backwards to spoil her babies. Luckily, my DH is like yours. He doesn't tolerate the crap. He tells BM that what happens in our house is none of her business. That is the only response. She hates it.
And yeah, I agree. After all that food, a smoothie really wasn't necessary. And after her tattling, I wouldn't have made her one either.
What we used to do (before
What we used to do (before SD11 started inhaling everything on her plate) when she didn't finish her meals, was left it on the table...then if she got hungry later, she could finish what was left on her plate, which by then was a congealed mess :sick:
(No subject)
PPS - I almost died once from
PPS - I almost died once from not having a sundae. Just sayin'
(No subject)
Shit, you're nicer than I
Shit, you're nicer than I am.
"Can I have a smoothie with dessert?"
"No"
Yeah, that surprised me. BM
Yeah, that surprised me. BM never used to be this..."nice"?
The last few times SD11 has tried to get me (and DH, just last night) in trouble with BM, it's only backfired for her LOL I think BM is seeing how spoiled and vindictive her daughter is getting, so she thinks "F*ck, I gotta LIVE with this, so I better start putting my foot down!"
As I always say, "You reap what you sow!"
Wow, what an entitled brat. I
Wow, what an entitled brat. I feel for you there. In my experience, skids having mobile phones causes so many issues. SD8 (I know, why the fuck does an 8 year old have a phone?!) would use her phone to text behind BM and DH's back to play them off against eachother. She even tried to manipulate me once, crying wolf because she'd behaved like a little shit for her mother all morning, so they didn't go to the cinema like they originally planned. Perfectly reasonable punishment. But no. She texts and rings me like her mother is fucking abusing her or something. At least we're all in the same boat I suppose, and we're not constantly battling with BM (things weren't always that good). Depending on how well you and DH get on with BM, it's worth sitting down with her face to face and talking about how SD is trying to manipulate you all and play you off against eachother to her own ends. Bitching to one parent when they don't get their own way with the other is textbook manipulation and it needs to be nipped in the bud. You all need to be on the same page, after all, you're all workintg together to try and raise SD to be a functional adult, and bitching and whinging to get her own way isn't going to go over well when she's an adult.