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Sd who looks fine but is mentally a lot younger than she is physically

frustratedstepmom25's picture

Submitted by frustratedstepmom25 on Sun, 06/28/2015 - 11:19pm

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Step Kids with Disabilities

I am a bm to 2 dd's one 19 and the other 13 and a sd 12 (but mentally has an IQ of 86). I have been a sm for almost 7 years and I have tried to treat her just like I do mine, but it just doesn't work. I have worked with many persons with disabilities, but have never had to deal with it at home until now. I have tried to fight for my sd to get the services that she needs, but her bm and bd don't want to see what is really there. I am not a dr, but I can almost guarantee that she has a form or autism. I am a very loving person and I am also a very strong Christian, but when it comes to my sd I can say that I deal with praying and trying to not hate her everyday she is here. We have her every holiday, all summer, and spring break. Bm moved out of state and that was when we took her to court and got this custody arraignment. My sd will go home and things are amazing when she is not here. I think even bd is now seeing that she is more work than my children who would be considered above average. I just needed to get this out. Any ideas on what has worked for anyone else? Thanks! :?

Monchichi's picture

Submitted by Monchichi on Mon, 06/29/2015 - 1:57am

Hi and welcome, try and ascertain what the issue actually is. Is it the child's disabilities or the parents refusal to acknowledge it. I have a special needs SS whose actual problems I don't particularly mind. I do mind the handling of them as well as all the other issues we face not related to his needs.

If it's the lack of caring and buy in from the parents, then you need to let that go. Much easier said than done. If it's the child and her needs, disengage.

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Mon, 07/13/2015 - 1:56pm

I have a teen son who has a global learning disability meaning he has a very low IQ and is delayed compared to his classmates in several areas. What has helped him is structured activities, mainly martial arts. He goes 4 days a week, has to focus, concentrate, learn new forms etc. He also takes Omega 3 and 6 supplements. The martial arts really help because the master reinforces obedience to parents, teachers, discipline etc.

KH4573's picture

Submitted by KH4573 on Thu, 09/07/2017 - 2:04pm

I am in a very similar situation. I finally chose to disengage and let "daddy" handle her. I'm at my wits end as well.