The Ex buying DH father's day gifts?

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BM just emailed DH asking him for his work address (he's away for work right now) so that 'SS' can send him his father's day gift that 'SS' purchased. I am so livid I'm shaking. Every single year BM buys DH some extravagant gift claiming that SS picked it out and purchased it himself. I know this is complete bullshit because SS is never interested in buying anyone gifts no matter the occasion. I've even taking him shopping before to specifically buy DH a birthday present and he's always more interested in buying presents for himself. If SS really did want to get something for DH I would not mind in the least but it's obviously her buying it with her own money and claiming it's from SS. In the past before I came she would try and buy DH all sorts of things all the time even if it wasn't a special occasion. I know I shouldn't let her get to me but I am so furious. I feel like with DH away at work for long periods of time sending each other packages is one of the small ways we can show each other love and her asking for his address so she can send him a package? No. I feel as if it's inappropriate and crossing boundaries. Am I wrong here? Am I just being stupid and making a big deal as always? Does anyone else experience this level of bullshit?

I obviously don't know about

I obviously don't know about this package, it could be different but the ones in the past she has written from 'Mommy and SS.'

Luckily my DH is supportive of it. He's told her in the past that he doesn't need any presents from her but she continues to do it anyways.

SS knows that gifts from him

SS knows that gifts from him are always welcome. Earlier, when I said that SS isn't interested in buying gifts for anyone I didn't mean it was bashing him, I just meant that I don't think he realizes that these occasions are viewed as 'important' and that he just doesn't really think about it.

She has looked up his work address before and he sent it back. She has also given things to him personally and he gives it back.

I've tried that before but SS

I've tried that before but SS has no idea what i'm talking about and says he didn't buy DH anything.

Yes I do. I know everyone

Yes I do. I know everyone think its weird that I keep SS sometimes even when DH isn't there but I will occasionally.

I don't think its weird that

I don't think its weird that you keep SS when DH isn't around, I do that too sometimes. My SS is a little bit of a gamer so sometimes we hang out and game together for a couple of hours when his dad and mom are working.

Thank you for the suggestion

Screw her x100000000!

I'm... not entirely sure

I'm... not *entirely* sure what the big deal is. Do you feel like she's just using Father's Day as an excuse to maintain some sort of intimate relationship with your DH? I mean, I could see why you'd be pissed if you felt that was the case. But, honestly, I can't quite see being so mad you're "shaking" over a Father's Day gift, even so. Maybe tell BM "Oh, I'm going to take SS out to get a gift for DH, no need for you to have done it. Thanks though!" (That is, if there's a way for you to do that. Your DH does deserve for one of you to handle this!) If she pushes, just tell her you're not comfortable giving out that address without speaking to him first.

Thanks for the advice. And

Thanks for the advice. And yes, you are correct. It's that she's constantly trying to maintain a relationship with him not the father's day gift itself. I'm not going to get into too much detail but she's done a lot of things to try and get me to think that DH and her were still intimate with each other and to break our marriage. So that's why it gets to me so much.

How old is SS?

This is genius lol

LOL that was great! Thanks I

LOL that was great! Thanks I needed that

You made me giggle out loud.

You made me giggle out loud. What an excellent idea.

This is awesome. I'll do

This is awesome.

I'll do this to bm this year. Thank you. You're genius

LMAO!! This is genius!! Put

LMAO!! This is genius!! Put those pics up on facebook (if she has one) also! She'd look so pathetic to her friends on there..

I see her doing this as a way to stay connected to DH. Just pathetic. How old is SS?

Is she using it as a way to

Is she using it as a way to keep you out? That's the impression I get with Mothers Day/Fathers Day with our BM. The skids haven't gone with her live-in BF for the past two years to get her a gift and DH has had them before Mother's Day so helps the skids get her something...just in case the BF didn't. I'm sure he didn't and BM wants it that way. Then she takes the skids shopping for Father's Day even after we have gone through getting a gift at our house. She's got this chip on her shoulder about "only the bio parents." And for some reason Mother's Day and Father's Day cannot be done by anyone but the bio parents.

This year? I'm not doing anything. She's always done something with them and so have I, DH has told her it's covered but it doesn't seem to matter. So, if DH gets nothing. Fine. If he isn't going to figure out whether it is just bio parents or figure out and set a boundary with BM about handling the days at each house by the SO and the skid, then I'm not going out of my way to do a thing.

My opinion on the things that include her name on them: yes, that's wrong. Good for your DH for setting a boundary and sending them back, rather than "not rocking the boat."

This is my first post, but I

This is my first post, but I was so happy to find that this was a thread because I just dealt with this the other day.

I'm not technically a stepmother yet; we are getting married at the end of the year. But I spend a lot of time with my futures sds. I have been with my fiancé for almost two years. BM kicked him out because she is not the most pleasant person (but more on that in future posts, I'm sure).

She has always given him terrible gifts and made him miserable on Father's Day. This year, however, she decided that she would have the SDs write/illustrate a story book. She wrote all the words and they illustrated it. She even drew some of the pictures.

This may sound petty, but I had already purchases two books to have the SDs create books for their dad for Father's Day. I felt pretty crushed. She wanted nothing to do with Father's Day, but now it seems like she's using the SDs to maintain a relationship with my fiancé, even though she is the one who ended the marriage in the first place. He felt equally frustrated with the gift.

Do you think it would be wise to send her an email before the next gift-giving occasion and offer to take the task off her plate? Or is that a bad idea? My fiancé thinks it's an ok idea; I just wanted to know if anyone had tried it before.

If you want conflict email

If you want conflict email her. If not let it pass.

Step mom and bio mom

Step mom and bio mom here....

If my children see a gift they want to give to their dad (my ex) for fathers day, birthday, etc. I will buy it for them and they will pay me back with chores. I will also help them send it. In no way does this imply that I still love my ex, am trying to send him subtle romantic messages or want him back in any way. Whats going on is that my children love their father, are thinking of him and want to give him a gift. The gift is always from the kids, never me.

I think you need to chill.

There are differences between

There are differences between the situations; your children actually pick out a gift for their father and give it to him themselves. BM in my situation picks the gifts out herself, claims they are from SS, and then gives them to my DH personally. My SS has no idea about these gifts until DH is being presented with them. If it was truly from SS that would be different.

I totally agree with you.

I totally agree with you. Your BM is clearly using the gifts as a way to connect with your DH and stay relevant in his life. Every gift is a big "Remember me? Remember me?!" and it is maddening to witness.

That is worlds different from the scenario the previous person was describing.

Yes exactly! Thanks for

Yes exactly! Thanks for understanding. It's not just this one issue that has led me to believe that she is still trying to maintain a relationship with him but a whole bunch of things plus this issue. She even called my SIL when she found out DH and I got engaged and cried saying she wanted to divorce her husband and marry him. This is just one of ways I know.

You're right that there are

You're right that there are differences between the situations. One thing about yours is that DH seems to tell you everything or somehow you know everything, obviously he is not hiding anything from you. Maybe BM does want him back, does DH feel the same way? Before my DH and I were married BM would buy him little gifts here and there. I know she didn't want him back it was more like a guilt gift since DH pays so much alimony. One such gift is a nice set of bamboo towels that I use and love. I'm sure she never intended them to be used by his younger awesome second wife but oh well. I mentally thank her for those every time I use them.

I guess my point is that your DH is honest and open with you. You can't control BM's behavior so why bother. Sounds like she lost a good honest man and she knows it. Sucks for her.

I agree with what most

I agree with what most everyone is saying.
I dealt with this father's day 2014. All the years prior BM never sent a Father's day gift with her daughter to our home in the Summer. I would take SD out and purchase things to make DH something. Well all of sudden last year she sent some elaborate gift saying that SD wanted her to get something. Being that I know how she operates (I had the misfortune of knowing her prior to me meeting my husband... long story haha) I know her intentions are not kind ones. She still has feelings for my husband. And really, it doesn't bother me too much, because he married me, not her. but at the same time, how disrespectful can you be?? I brought it up to DH how uncomfortable I was with her buying that gift and he completely agreed... However SD was sooo excited for him to have it (she didn't even know what it was, she didn't even know about it) that we decided it would be more damaging to send it back or bring it up to BM, so it sits in a box in the garage. All she is trying to do is stay relevant in DH's life.
If you can identify that she is using the gifts as an avenue to stay relevant and connected or however you want to say it to DH then yes, i feel that is very wrong and that's just disrepectful to you and DH's relationship. Now, if it's because the child genuinely wants to give a gift, no issue there. That's actually very healthy and a great idea. However, from what little bit we know, it seems that her intentions are not good ones or she doesn't realize the impact vs intent. For all we know she might be thinking she is being nice to her ex... it all depends on what motives she has.

Just throw that sh*t away

Just throw that sh*t away when it arrives. Don't even bother unwrapping it or taking a look.

If it really bothers you,

If it really bothers you, find out where it is from, return it, get the money and take SS out to get the gift he chooses. Providing it was not from the SS. If it was from him, take a breath and just remember, he CHOOSES you... Nothing she is doing will change that if it is what he wants is to be with you!

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The Ex buying DH father's day gifts?