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So tired of the passive-agressive behavior

cmwolfe1264's picture

It has been awhile since I posted here. Things have been better overall since I stay away from stepdaughters and keep my mouth shut when I am around them. Over a year and half ago youngest stepson's wife left him for another guy that she was pregnant with shortly after she kicked him out of their house. Needless to say my stepson was devastated and hurt. I wasn't really surprised by it all because she basically did what I knew she would do when I first met her when they were both in high school.

Fast forward to today. Stepson has new girlfriend who we really like and she has a daughter and the four of them seem very happy. Apparently stepdaughters have remained in contact and have been even more friendly with stepson's ex than they were when the two of them were married. My husband has told the girls that he obviously cannot stop them from spending time with the ex but that she should not be included in family get togethers as she is not part of the family anymore and she choose to leave the family and she hurt their brother very much and we do not want to spend time with her. Besides which their brother has a new girlfriend and is happy so why make them uncomfortable having the ex around at family parties, etc. The ex was never very nice to us or even her husband the stepson when they were married.

So DH got a text message there is a bday party this Saturday for grandson of 2nd oldest SD. So of course its somewhat last notice so we had to rearrange our Saturday schedule so that we can be free to go to the bday party. MY DH called me a little while to say that apparently the ex has been invited and is going to the bday party!! So you know SD knows that her Dad doesn't want to spend time with the ex, he has already had this discussion with her. But SD wants things her way and says we all need to forgive ex since we all aren't perfect blah, blah and says she can invite her if she wants. This comes from the girl who got pregnant by a one night stand with a bouncer and then later got pregnant by her married mentor when she was working on her Master's in college. So I guess she can relate to the adultery issue that's why she's so supportive of ex?

My DH says he's not interested in going and I'm like amen to that!! I really didn't want to go but I do a lot of this stuff because I love my DH.

This SD has been a liar, cheater and manipulator since the first day I met her and things have not changed even though she just turned 34 the other day. Just such stupid, stupid stuff they do and they expect Daddy to just take it all. This is on top of the fact that a few weeks ago she scheduled a family picture day with a photographer friend of hers that was supposed to be no parents just the sibs and their kids. But lo and behold her mother was in town and staying with her so she showed up at the pictures to get her picture done with her kids and grandkids. The boys found out their Mom was going to be there and they left before she showed up so they wouldn't have to see her. Lots of backstory drama there, too much to go into but suffice it to say the boys have no desire to see their Mother now or ever. When they were making plans for this picture day the boys wanted their Dad included but their sister said no cuz Mom won't be there (Mom lives out of country) and I'm not comfortable having just one parent involved. But she was okay with just one parent as long as it was her Mom obviously.

So, so tired of their endless passive, aggressive ways.................

Justme54's picture

Sorry, I know that sucks. Reading between the lines, I am guessing this SD is a lot like her mother. As they say, the fruit does not fall far from the tree.

cmwolfe1264's picture

Yes, so very true. I used to the think the oldest SD was just like her Mom, but as they get older this SD shows more and more of her true self as time goes by. The oldest SD gets mad about stupid stuff but you know she's mad because she tells everyone else she's mad. But this SD manipulates people so very badly including her husband (who is a replica of her Daddy - funny that) her Daddy, her brother etc. So she gets even rather than telling everyone she is mad. I hadn't really thought she had changed over the years even though she acts like she has grown up and forgiven her parents and family but now I have proof that she really hasn't. Glad for that though because I now know she can never, ever be trusted no matter what!! Smile

ChiefGrownup's picture

That girl is one piece of work. Sounds like the ex sister in law should have married the sister, not the brother. Perfect soulmates.

oneoffour's picture

Just tell SD she can invite whoever she wants to her home. And she can understand you have the right not to attend as you see fit.

She is pushing to be top dog and make her brother and GF uncomfortable under the guise of "Well it is my child's BBBIIRRTTHDDAYY!". So let SS know and make otyher plans for DH and you. These people are all adults and can fight it out amongst themselves... or not.

Disneyfan's picture

Your husband can't make his daughter's cut ties with the exwife. He can not control who his daughter invites to her home. Not attending the party is pretty much his only option.

As long as they don't try to include the exwife in things that are held in your home, then there's no need to be involved with who they chose to be friends with.