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OT: I asked DH if he is bipolar!

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:25am

I do 95% of the housework. I do 100% of the cooking. I do 95% of all dishes. I do 80% of all laundry (DH does only his own clothes, BD11 does towels and sheets). I do 95% of all childcare. I do 25% of all outdoor work. I do 20% of all pet care (DH is pretty good about that). I also work full time outside the home.

So last night I am making dinner. DH has a bad habit of disappearing into our bedroom, with the door shut, for hours at a time. So it is just BD8 and BD11 and myself.

Dinner is done, I dish up dinner for BD8, dish up dinner for myself, dish up dinner for BD11. Then I sit down. Yes, I could have told DH that dinner was ready but he KNEW I was cooking. He knows I serve dinner by 7 every night. He was just being lazy as usual, and I am fed up.

DH comes out of our bedroom about 7:30 and sees BD8 eating (I had already finished). He had a baby man meltdown about me not coming and telling him dinner was ready. I mean making SEVERAL passive-aggressive comments about it and even confronting me to my face about WHY I didn't tell him dinner was ready. He said, "Thanks a lot," and I said, "You're welcome." Dude, I cook dinner for you every damn night and you're going to get all hostile that I don't come tell you it's ready? Suck it.

So of course I'm pissed, he's pissed (wrongly). He disappears into our bedroom with his dinner and slams the door SUPER HARD. Later I had to go in there to do something in the bathroom and I walk sideways with my eyes averted because I don't want to look at him and I have no intention of engaging him. I am trying to leave and the man asks me, in a normal tone of voice, if I want to watch some show he likes to watch "together."

I'd had it. I looked at him and said:
"Are you bipolar or what?"
His response:
"I don't know."

I said:
"You scream and yell at me for not telling you dinner was ready and you think I want to hang out and watch a show with you?"

He just gave me the dumb look and I left the room.

I do think he is bipolar, or just a giant asshole. And he does NOT see it.

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:31am

I do think he is from other actions and how he seems to get to this point where he will say and do the most hateful things and the later claim to not remember them and not mean them. I have other bipolar people in my life.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:41am

He's so damn passive aggressive I think he likes to lay in wait and EXPECT me to call him to dinner like a king. I'm not up for it. I'm tired. I get up by 6 am to get myself and the kids ready for school. I take one kid to school (taking the other to school is the ONLY thing he does for them). I get myself to work. I work all day. I leave to pick one up from daycare and go home to pick up the second. They have activities three nights a week that I ALWAYS take them to (because DH works evenings four days a week). Then I bring them home, make dinner, help with homework, try to get a couple of things done around the house (dishwasher is broken so all dishes have to be washed by hand), get both kids to bed, get about 30 minutes of me time (while also doing chores), go to bed by 11 pm and start it all over again in the morning. I'm too tired to parent a third child!

JustAgirl42's picture

Submitted by JustAgirl42 on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:52am

I don't know your history, but it sounds to me like it may be an anger issue. The main signs of bipolar are severe depression and manic highs.

Emotionally and physically abusive people will hurt you and then either apologize profusely, saying it won't happen again,or act like it didn't even happen.

From the way you say things went down, you may have triggered his negative emotions by passively aggressively not telling him that dinner was ready, esp. if this is the norm. (Not that his actions towards you were right.)

It sounds as though things in your household are unbalanced...as far as taking care of the home goes. You have most of the burden.

ETA: in short, what Sally said...she got to it first

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 10:52am

Right before crazy ex asshole and I divorced we had this same thing happen only mine would go sleep in the bed and then eat in it. I made dinner, we ate dinner and as I was cleaning up he came down yelled at me for eating w/o him and then dished up and went and ate his meal in our bed. Disgusting.

I think he has some mental illness.

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 10:52am

Right before crazy ex asshole and I divorced we had this same thing happen only mine would go sleep in the bed and then eat in it. I made dinner, we ate dinner and as I was cleaning up he came down yelled at me for eating w/o him and then dished up and went and ate his meal in our bed. Disgusting.

I think he has some mental illness.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 1:15pm

See, he used to cook. We used to have an agreement that he would cook two nights a week. Seems reasonable, right? Then one day he just decided he didn't want to do it any more. :jawdrop: And since my kids need to eat and I don't like feeding them crap, I cook.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 2:29pm

You're right, that does sound more like him. I don't get the joy of the highs most of the time. Sad Just the passive-aggressive approach to life where he sets me up to fail every time. I could dish up his food and serve it to him in his chair, along with a drink, 10 times and the ONE time I don't it means I don't care. Sigh.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Mon, 04/13/2015 - 9:51pm

FFS..the man is a gigantic douchebag. Lazy asswipe shud've had his ass in there helping you. My SO does the same passive aggressive shit and he's learning that I'm NOT gonna put up with it and will call him out on it every.single.time. We've had massive arguments as a result of that but he's dreamin if he thinks I'm gonna take that crap.

I would continue to cook for myself and my kids - he can bloody well eat bread and water if he can't be bothered to help you or cook once in a while.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 04/14/2015 - 8:09am

I have resorted to that, but it's frustrating to have to treat a grown man that way, you know? During the week I cook for me and the kids. If there is food left over and he can eat it, good for him. If not, he can feed himself. Sometimes he gets mad about it, sometimes he doesn't. But he's a GROWN man, damnit!