Before I started yelling at DH, I told him that SD19 could not bring the hedgehog into our home. He would have to talk to her. Then I looked him square in the eyes and said if he didn’t tell her, I would! Oh he immediately shot that down and said for me NOT to contact her. I still have that one in my back pocket. As for gross pics of SD13’s deposits on Facebook, she doesn’t have a FB page because she has no friends. Just a handful through Girl Scouts and that will end in the spring as they all get ready to go into high school/day care.

I DID make SD13 clean the powder room toilet before I left for work on the first day, and then two days later when DH got home from his trip, I had him talk to her about cleaning the basement toilet. She is now only using her bathroom upstairs. She is a 5’2” toddler, a full-on juvenile idiot. DH keeps doing for her, so she is severely lacking, esp with social skills.

Rags, I did try the sit-down thing last night. I also asked SD13 to stay out of my way for ONE minute as I got my breakfast ready today. Every time I turned around, she was scooting out of my way, it was making me dizzy. I finally said, “Would you stop jumping all around me and give me a minute? You hide in your room and then come down here when all of the action is going on (i.e. you're in MY WAY). DH immediately piped up in front of SD13 and said, “Oh no! I’m not having another day of THIS like yesterday! I had 15 years of this before (referring to dead alcoholic BM) You don’t talk to her like that!” Ooooh big defensive DH! I looked at the two of them and said, “SD13 won’t shrivel up if she stays out of my way for one minute. Don’t compare me to ’15 years,’ I will NEVER be like your 15 years.” DH replied “We all treat you with respect!” To which I said calmly, “Yes, DH, I get ‘treats’ every day. The gift that keeps on giving.” Then I went upstairs.

A little later I asked if he was going to be nice to me? He said he would. I told him that everything that I yelled at him yesterday didn’t come across very well because of my delivery. So for the third time, I suggested that when things calm down we were GOING to talk. I told DH I can’t live like this and something has to change. He agreed and I STFU. Now, as usual, out of sight out of mind. SD13 is out for a little bit and he doesn’t want to take the time to talk. He’d rather surf the internet for stupid shit.

I have told DH under no circumstances is that hedgehog coming in here. We already have 5 F-I-V-E dogs! And the SDog is in a wet pee diaper all day long because he likes to mark now! The hedgehog is at the dorm now and I have thought about seeing what the school's policy is and calling it in anonymously. }:) I am worrying already about when SD19 comes home in May because it will take that long for DH to get his act together. SD19 is BPD and very ODD. She'll tell me no to my face and then what do I do?????

DH leaves town AGAIN Monday and comes back late Tuesday.

~ Moon

I am on the deed to the house with DH. We bought it together after BM died because we needed more room for the SDs. I did mention that he is not to talk down to me in front of the skids, that wasn't fair to SD13 and it gives her juvenile mind the upper hand. He agreed.

Cat I am so with you. This is the root of the entire problem DH is a Disney Dad, he is a friend more than a father. Yes, he can have a calm manner about him when disciplining the skids, but it usually doesn't make a difference. I have known DH for 7 years, been married 5 and have had the SDs 2 years FT since BM died of cancer.

I tried AGAIN this afternoon and we talked for a half hour. He listens but then starts finding problems with ME. I keep telling DH that all I want in my house is some respect from a sweet naive SD13 who is so far gone she doesn't realize that leaving shit on the toilet is disrespectful. SD19 has always been defiant and rude to DH and I. IF we ask her to do something. As long as nothing is asked of her and she gets her way and the wind is blowing the right direction, she is just a snotty SD19 but doesn't do anything to me directly. Then her feelings get hurt because no one is paying any attention to her.

DH always mentions how SD19 and I "just don't get along." Every time I remind him it's because she is disrespectful and doesn't think she has to listen to anyone. I reminded him how I gave her a wide berth over winter break, yet he says she would go to him and complain how mean I was? I reminded DH that I kept a polite distance and purposefully didn't interact with SD19, that way I wouldn't get my feelings hurt and have to hear backtalk. He said he is always stuck in the middle. I reminded him that if SD19 was more respectful and didn't have a meltdown anytime someone asked her to take her laundry out of the dryer or bring her trash down from her room, we'd all be ok. I said her attitude is not needed in this house. She goes off at the drop of a hat because BM is dead and I am the wife, I guess. I have known these skids 7 years and BM divorced DH when the SDs were 12 and 6. So DH was out of the house and moving on when he met me.

I spoke about SD19’s anger issues and disappointment with everything. I also spoke about what I needed in order to be comfortable in my own home. My needs are different than his. I am a light sleeper and don’t like noise. I can’t fall asleep easily and if the dogs hear SD19 downstairs late, they get restless. DH is snoring away so guess who lets them out? DH doesn’t understand why I have a problem with SD19 hanging out in the living room all of the time. I explained that it’s not her bedroom, it’s a shared space. She also has the entire rec room downstairs, but likes to park it for 8 hours every day from about 3pm to 11pm in my living room.

So, it seems I can’t win. DH is just more laid back and is defending his kids. I kept reminding him that I am his wife and I count for something, too. He agreed, and I asked if he could help work towards some common ground with SD19? He said he could try but I’m not too confident. This just sucks. I don’t know if the hedgehog is a hill to die on or not. We can always make rules for SD19. Yeah, that has always worked. I told DH that I'll continue to go through him when I have trouble with the SDs. He didn’t like that. I told him that they don’t respect me in my own home while I put a roof over their heads, so he’s going to have to continue to hear it from me.

I feel like I got nowhere, but he’s being nicer to me. Whatever.

~ Moon

I love you guys! Thank you so much for all of the good advice. DH is treating me like normal again, like nothing happened this weekend. It was really strange because we never have bad arguments. Maybe that's because I've always been so tolerant? I told him I felt unworthy and he said I shouldn't feel that way. Sigh.

I have been running the numbers through my head. We have a ton of savings from when BM died and we got distributions for the skids. I'd like to think that the money is still there in savings because I have saved and spent well. Never pay interest, balance multiple mortgages for rental properties. The health insurance for the entire family has been coming out of my paycheck for 5 years since DH and I married because my plan cost less and was the better plan as far as coverage. So, our funds are definitely together and shared. DH and I help to pay for this household and rental properties together. There would be good money to save on my own if I decided to.

I have my annual review coming up soon and I am hopeful for a promotion, a raise and a nice bonus. I work for a very generous man at a very generous company. If DH were to buy me out I would have a shit ton of money. I keep thinking about my dogs, ugh. I can't get past it. We bought this house so they have room, they can't go back to where we were before. I tell you, if I didn't have these dogs, I would be out of here. Dog lovers know that you don't take on that responsibility and then turn your back. Sigh.

When DH and I were talking, things got a little heated and he said that maybe this wasn't meant to be? I said I wasn't sure, either. I'm thinking he was still stewing because I had really screamed at him when this all went down. I had already started looking for apartments just to get an idea. I have never paid rent before in my life.

I don't take care of SDog except on rare occasion, I make sure DH and SD13 do it. Yes, I have already thought about getting that side account and saving. Legmel, yes, I asked DH if he really DID go back and tell SD19 no about the hedgehog over Christmas break before I shot venom at him. SD19 is already a spoiled brat who acts 12 and DH sticking his head in the sand just gives her more power.

I had a scary thought. Even if I stayed and these skids aged out and left the nest, they will always be around. They are needy and love their Dad. I will have to see them every holiday, have to hear about their stupid shit, etc....how much of that can I take? This skids are so immature it's ridiculous.

I don't know what to do. DH is out of town and will return late Tuesday after I've gone to bed. Maybe I can start budgeting and save. Just in case this crap becomes a pattern. I have my old TH that I am renting out so I have somewhere to go to. There are options.

~ Moon

My TH has a 25' x 25' backyard. Right now we are on a 1/3 acre with 4 large dogs. I'm wondering if I could rent a SF somewhere that has land for the pups. Probably not doable tho. Too expensive. Wheels are still turning. I'm looking at luxury condos down near where I work. I could always visit pups on the weekend. I like the idea of separate households! TY to MarieJeanne for the website suggestion AirBnB, it's great! Even if I just use it to get away for a short while!

~ Moon

DH and I each have a townhouse to go back to. When he was bitching during our talk, he said maybe he should go back to his TH. I said, "You can't because we have 5 dogs!"

I would love it if SD19 weren't here during the summer! The SDs each have a college fund which covers tuition. They also have trust funds left from BM that they can't touch until they're older UNLESS it's for education. So, SD19's tuition has been paid out of her college fund, and her room and board, which is education-related, comes out of her trust. I have already suggested to DH that instead of paying 6k to school each semester for the dorm, use it towards an apartment near campus. She can live there during the summer and continue working at her campus job or find anther one near by. She's probably off-campus staying with her boyF at his place. His parents pay for his apartment.

I feel I am so close to SD19 spreading her wings and flying from this nest, if I can just hold out a couple more years. If she decides to go to grad school, there is definitely no way I would still have her live here. Especially knowing that she can dip into her trust fund to get rent covered while still in school.

I'm dabbling with the summer vacation thing for ME. I would have to find short-term rent somewhere, and it would definitely be close to work so I'm not stuck commuting. Ahhhhh May 1st through August 31st.....just me in my own place, living closer to work putting in OT and making good money. It would be such a welcome break. Oh God. Did I just think that? Move back in with my parents and pay them rent? Oh dear lmao! I'm 45 and moved out when I was 23yo because I refused to pay my parents any rent! I still own my first place, that is the TH I rent out. It's a much longer commute to work, though, but if I got desperate I could go there.

I'm kind of excited for the break and I could come see the pups a couple of times a month on the weekends. It wouldn't be so bad because I would know that I would be coming back when SD19 is gone and then coming back for good once she moves out.

Mini-wives are just POS cunts. }:) }:) }:)

~ Moon

For the love of fuck, guess who didn't shower tonight? Bwahahahahah!!!

And on Sunday SD13 batted her eyelashes at DH saying, "I'm going to shower tonight so I'll be ALL FRESH and CLEAN!"

Sorry, those words don't exist in your world poo-poo skid.

Heeeeeyyyyy "poo poo skid!"

I am up way tooooo late and my meds are making me loopy. DH landed at the airport and is coming home through icy tundra. He says all of this jet-setting is over, which has been going on for 3 weeks. I'm not holding my breath. I'm going to bed. But now I want Chai Latte.

~ Mooon

I opened a savings account today with a few hundred dollars. I also had my review and will be getting a bonus in a couple of weeks. Starting to save for ME. Just in case. I AM going to push SD19 stay near college somewhere. Anything college related can be paid out of a frikking TRUST. I have to get her out of here. At least she won't be home until May. I wonder when I should bring up the subject of the hedgehog again with DH to drive it home? Maybe end of April so she can find a place down that way, or maybe go stay with her Aunt. Now there's an idea!

~ Moon

Guess what? Spring Break starts Friday March 13th. So Polly Prissy Pants SD19 will be coming home for a week with that rodent, for sure.

Now what the hell do I do? DH is being extra nice, but I feel a heated argument coming on. I m going to stand my ground!

Funny thing is, DH WAS THE FIRST ONE TO SAY "NO" OVER THANKSGIVING. SD13 and I were right there when DH told SD19 NO. She worked on him over winter break and I found out about it. She had already put a deposit down on the rodent. I insisted that DH go back to her and tell her NO again. He said he did, but he thought she would still buy the stupid thing.

~ Moon

We just had a calm talk for the most part, but things started getting heated and he walked away again. As DH walked off, he said he had some things to discuss with ME that he didn't like. I asked him to come back and talk so we didn't have to keep putting things off. So now I'm the bad guy.

I told him this wasn't about me.

ETA DH returned in less than 10 minutes. He simply said, "SD19 is staying at the dorm for spring break."

Victory!

I thought about it, and the dorms are a lonely place to be during spring break. I put it plain and simple to DH last night. SD19 broke the rules, so now she has to suffer the consequences. I even included that her attitude and behavior become quite toxic when she does not get her way, and this is with little day-to-day things. I reminded him that she is 19 years old and can't continue to treat the other members of the household like she does, it's not fair to any of us. She is always a whining, ticking time bomb when she's here.

So now that she will not be here for spring break, the next hurdle is summer time. I suggested to DH again that she get an apartment near campus and stay there year round if she wants to keep her hedgehog. It is not coming into my house. DH said we'd keep it in the garage and I shot that down, too.

DH texted her all of this last night so they did not talk directly. I think SD19 got very pissed and said well then she'll just stay in the dorms for the week of spring break. That leads me to believe that she was content to come home and just sit on her ass for a week here and not work at her part-time job near home. Funny thing is, she's running out of money. She would have parked it in the LR all day long for her cable TV marathons. I told DH I would have no problem with the Skids watching TV in the LR for a little while, but if it got excessive I would lock the TV with a password.

I feel bad for DH a little, but I reminded him of long ago when I told him to set boundaries for SD19. This was when she was 14. She still acts the same as she did 6 years ago. Nothing has changed as far as her growing up.

DH was nice to me this morning, like nothing happened last night. He bounces back quickly. I'd like to think it's because he knows I'm not being unreasonable.

~ Moon

I wondered about the dining halls, too, and her being away from her boyfriend who is most likely going home for the week. SD19 has money in her account but she is blowing through it like wildfire. Maybe seeing the cost of eating out or buying her own groceries for a week will grow her up some....or not. She'll blame it all on me, in true BPD style, and that's fine by me.

I know she has no one to thank but herself.

This is a BIG moment for this family, SD19 being told NO by DH to the point where she won't come and visit.

And I have probably REALLY pissed her off where DH is concerned. She needs to know who makes the rules, and it's not her!

All part of my master plan to have her hate it here and not come around!

~ Moon

Thanks for all of your advice, Chief, it has really helped!

Get this! I checked on the college website today and you have to be OUT of the dorms by 8pm on March 13th. You can't return until Sunday March 22nd. What I think is going to happen is that SD19 will stay at her boyF's apartment near campus, regardless of where he is. He might go home to visit parents, work, etc. His parents live 2 hours from campus. If boyF isn't working, I can see SD19 tagging along with him over break.

What cracks me up is that SD19 will have to haul all of her clothes and crap out of the dorm that she needs for break. She won't have the luxury of a free washer and dryer to use like she would if she were here at my place. And the clincher? She'll have to drag that hedgehog around with her, including the cage, bedding, food, water bowls etc. Oh she hates to exert herself unless it's at the gym. It will be like her towing a baby around for spring break!

Last night when DH and I were discussing this entire charade, he said SD19 couldn't back out of buying the hedgehog because she would lose her $200 deposit. I laughed and asked if he had looked at her bank account lately? Since she has her car on campus everything is trips to Starbucks, Forever 21, shops all over town. Hundreds of dollars in the space of a few weeks. She even had her paycheck sent home so DH could make a mobile deposit for her using his phone. I told DH that she needs to check with her campus employer and make sure they hold her paycheck for her to pick up. She can take a picture of it with her phone and deposit it herself. DH started making excuses about how it was the first paycheck of the semester blah blah blah, and I quickly reminded him that she is almost 20 years old. Have her do it herself!

Still picturing her toting around a glass hedgehog cage is hilarious! Don't lose your footing in the snow because landing on your ass wearing nothing but leggings is going to hurt! What a piece of work. I sincerely hope that she doesn't come home next week and really stays away. I'm not mentioning campus being closed for break to DH. I will sit back and watch what happens.

}:) }:) }:) }:)

~ Moon

I am taking my chances and speaking up more. And when I speak up, I firmly but calmly tell DH I mean it, because by that point I have put up with entirely too much shit. He is taking notice! This deal with SD19 not coming home is a huge step in the right direction!

DH has been his usual optimistic loving self today. That's how he is. He still doesn't notice everything going on with SD13 on a daily basis, but I am pointing out that he needs to be a Dad. He's coming around. He hugged me today and I whispered to him, "You know I love you. I know last night (telling SD19 NO hedgehog) wasn't easy for you. I don't think I'm being unreasonable, you'd tell me if I was being unreasonable?" He said by all means he would tell me, yes. I think he is digesting what has gone down. I think he is starting to see that SD19 is the problem, not me.

~ Moon

Nope, not in one of those states. Believe me, I checked on that a few weeks ago as well! I have read that headgehogs are notorious for carrying fleas and mites, although the fleas don't transfer to dogs. I have 5 dogs and I wasn't going to take any chances. Also, it's less common, but there is a fungus (Sally! lmao) that hedgehogs carry that can be transferred to their handlers.

And I thought bedbugs in SD19's room would be a problem! I just checked the campus website and all the students can have in the dorms is a 10-gallon fish tank. Hmmmmmm...... }:)

That hedgehog is NOT coming into my house.

~ Moon

We have 5 dogs, I am at my limit. My four are less hassle than yappy SDog with the pee diaper. Why is everybody so into hedgehogs if they carry fleas and mites? It's not like dogs, who MIGHT get fleas, the literature I found said it was almost certain that fleas and mites would be difficult to control with most hedgehogs. Those poor creatures. To think one is at the mercy of SD19 who probably holds it all of the time.....ugh.

Sally, I truly thought your nickname for Fungus referred to something even more dirty and evil...... }:)

Am I crazy to worry that SD19 might show up during break? I need to ban her from my home somehow....

~ Moon