If any of you need a little encouragement:
For the sake of my marriage (and equally my sanity) I FINALLY accepted it's more important to me to be happy than be right.
So a few days ago I told my husband I'll be "checking out" of this sick relationship with his son and the Disney dad syndrome (though I said it politely, of course) and even though he asked me not to turn in my key to the bridal suite at Hotel Stepparent Horror, I stood firm.
Towards my husband, I have been especially positive. Anytime I think a negative thought about his son, I instead say something nice to my husband about my husband. I can see that he's feeling better that we are not fighting about anything. Which in turn, makes me feel better.
Since then, I found out that SS 16 and his girlfriend 14 are complaining about me to others. Found out that SS 16 is lying to his dad. And instead of doing what I would always do, which is to run to his dad and complain and expect results, I chose to get off the crazy train and do something different. And that something different was absolutely nothing.
This evening, SS 16 couldn't find his father to pick him up. He sent me a text "sparklelady do you think you or dad could pick me up at girlfriends house?" So I sent a text to my husband that read "SS 16 is trying to find you hun!" And then I went back to my movie with my DS 15. Half an hour later my husband sent a cheerful message back to me. Another perk.
This feels good. Really good. Highly recommend.