Had a long convo with DH yesterday about SD14 and the possibility of her moving in with us.
I told him about her texts Tuesday night and how she wanted to come over because BM wouldn't let her hang out.
He laughed but I didn't think it was funny.
I took the opportunity to spell out a few things for him because I need him to know right off the bat how I feel about the situation.
I told him that I completely understand why he would want his daughter. It is clear that she needs structure and stability and PARENTING. She would be better off with us and I am in agreement.
However, from the experience I had with SS22, I am going into this situation a little differently than I did before. When SS22 was at our home I immediately was the BAD COP. It was I that insisted on chores, baths, homework, cleaning his room, doing his laundry, not eating in the rooms, not bringing people over without our consent. He let ME do all the dirty work and when SS22 got tired of it, he basically shrugged me off as if what I said didn't mean shit and that's when things went downhill and I made him leave our home.
I told him that I would NOT be the BAD cop this time around. That HE needed to parent his child and that HE needed to let her know what was expected of her. I told him I would always help him and that I have no issue playing my part but that we were a TEAM and that if his daughter sensed the SLIGHTEST divide between US, she will capitalize on that and make our lives a living hell. I told him that while SS was difficult, he was not MORE difficult because he had HIS/DHs personality, whereas SD has her mothers personality and that it is a very UGLY flaw and we will have to break her free from that. I told him that girls are bitches and that one day they can be the sweetest thing on Earth and from one moment to the next they switch into awful, awful beasts and that he will have to be VERY strong to handle that stage.
He listened to me intently. He did not get defensive, instead he said "I understand babe, you're right, don't worry, I won't let you down." I told him that he wouldn't be letting ME down, he would be letting HER down, because LOVE is not shown by being weak. It is shown by being STRONG and standing FIRM when a kid is challenging you. It is being strict and having expectations and knowing that if we want them to be productive members of society, we NEED to push them HARD towards success.
I told him "I don't like sleepovers, I never allowed my kids to do it, I won't allow her to do it. The texting at all hours of the night and bathroom selfies while everyone is sleeping that is NOT flying here babe. NO WAY NO HOW."
He said "Oh she won't do that here." I just looked at him and said "Really honey? You have NEVER taken her phone away from her to look thru it and see what she's doing. You have NO IDEA what she does on that thing." He went silent.
I told him to get ready for the mom to start trying to BUY her. She'll take her shopping, buy her whatever she wants, anything to keep her from going with him. He needs to stay steady and firm so that in 3 years we can send her ass off to college without too much drama. He agrees, so fingers crossed that he does what he says because I'm kinda done with the BS with all these damn kids. Mine included.