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OT - Every couple should have to go through a remodel at least once....

Jsmom's picture

I am on day 4 of a Master Bath remodel. This is awful. I work from home and am tired of the banging already. What started out as 5K remodel of a shower, is now over 20K remodel of a complete bathroom. We started this because of the caulking in our shower kept getting mildew. We suspected a problem. Sure enough, lots of mold. They thought they could go on top of the tile there, but now, it all had to come out. Now a wall can move and that creates all new issues. DH and I agree on most everything, but then when the contractor comes with a problem and tries to explain to me, I get confused. I can not visualize what he is talking about. Last night, they decided to send the tub back, wrong color and size. Now they are moving the tub and I am not sure of this layout. I go to one meeting and they change the layout. DH is getting frustrated and me trying to understand what they are saying, is comical at best. I am getting a new layout of cabinets, a new closet and another small closet for possibly just shoes and purses. The previous layout had a lot of wasted space. Extra storage is the only reason, I can keep putting up with this turmoil. It clearly is making my OCD flare up.

I seriously think every couple should have to do something like this, just to see if you can agree on anything without a twenty minute discussion. DH has had about 2 meltdowns over money. I have had a few good laughs at him completely laying out tile formations at home depot as people are trying to get past him. Now contractors trying to make me understand things I really never will, because DH is working. I don't feel stupid until they look at me, when I ask a question, like I have two heads. I really want to understand flow of this bathroom and walkways.

I am not paying for this. It is DH's house and I am not on the title. I have another house that I rent out. I am paying for the tub part of the remodel, since I want a nice tub to the tune of 4K. When he was stressing about taking this much out of his savings, I offered to pay half if he added me to the title. I want it, because he refuses to do a will and I only get a 1/3 of the house if he dies without putting me on the title according to laws here. I have a will and he doesn't. Mine is still valid from before. He doesn't need anything so he doesn't care. My thing about the title, is we never really lived up to the pre-nup about our houses. I do not want SD18 to get anything, but the way it stands now, she gets 1/3 of the house and half his retirement acct. I get all of his life insurance and his 401K. My main issue is BM and she will be in my face if something happens to him. SD18 will spend it all. I think it should be in a trust with me until she is 30 years old. SS is good with money and he can have it at 25. My son is provided for this way in my will. I do not believe DH should leave anything to BS19. Not his kid.

DH's brother died about 9 years ago. Dropped dead of a heart attack. He is the age DH is now. DH is healthy, so he doesn't worry. My husband died at 38. I have done this and do not want to be dealing with a bithc of a SD and BM after. DH doesn't think anything can happen. So my answer is, until you put me on the title to the house, I am not putting my money into upkeep. I do not pay on the mortgage of this house. Because of this, I pay housing for all vacations. It is really close. We have been together now 10 years and married for 5. We are not divorcing, marriage is good, I am just a planner and he is not with this kind of stuff.

Because of this, as I am trying to plan the next phase of my life, I am looking at purchasing another property in the city to remodel and rent out until, we are ready to move into it. DH will not be on it, unless he matches me with the down payment.

Last night, as we are trying to now figure out doors on these new closets, it becomes apparent we now need to change the master closet door to match. At least we found some we like that will look nice for all three. Frustration with each other is helping us learn to compromise.

2 and 1/2 more weeks of this ought to really test my marriage. But, at least my shoes and purses will have a nice new home... Smile

Comments

Jsmom's picture

I know! When we moved in together we were fighting over SD and BM, but the biggest fights was paint color and whose stuff had to go.

We started therapy at that time and spent an entire session discussion the dining room. Did two more sessions and realized that we were getting nothing out of the therapy.

Last night I told him, the next house better not require so much remodeling or else we both can not be involved. He started laughing and said with our personalities, no matter what we buy it will not be good enough.

kathc's picture

If they aren't explaining it in a way you can understand they're jerks. There is ALWAYS a way to break it down to explain it to you so you "get it".

I agree with you about not putting your money into something that will go to skids but I don't agree with you having any say in it because of that. If your DH wants to do something one way and you want it another way, it's his house. You can't say, "I'm not on the title, I'm not paying for this" and expect a say in what's done with his money in his house.

Jsmom's picture

I can if he ever wants to be happy with me in this house. Remember this is the house that he lived in with BM. I am only living here as a favor to him. I need to be happy.

He is doing everything he can to make me happy. Gotta love him.

AllySkoo's picture

At least you have a contractor. I promise you it is a thousand times worse when your DH is doing the work himself. My DH is in construction. I'm a computer programmer. So he goes off about different types of screws or polybond or "the deck" (something to do with the roof, apparently, I have no idea) and I have NO clue what he's talking about. Then he asks my opinion. *sigh* If it's not what he was already planning to do then he argues with me about why my opinion is wrong. Lol See my last blog about DH's remodel of our pantry closet! He's still sort of pouting...

Jsmom's picture

Our income is almost the same, so it equates out to what I would contribute to a mortgage. I am making a very nice profit on my rental and he resents that.

I understand what you are saying about the vacations. But, I look at it this way, I like the vacations and if we split it we wouldn't do two every year and they wouldn't be the big cruises I enjoy.

Everything else in our lives is split 50/50. This is the only thing that isn't.

PrincessFiona's picture

On top of the wonderful blended family we deal with we are now on our second whole house renovation. Apparently we are gluttons for punishment. The first house we did not live in until it was well suited for living. This house however we have lived in from the start and it was not in any condition to be doing so. We are two plus years into the project and it's wearing on us.

DH does all the work himself with me as his supervisor, lol. It is definately a test of a marriage. NOTHING gets done without exhausting conversation about how and why and how much. We always say if you can remodel a home together you are good for anything.

He has this old habit of ripping something apart and building something new without any discussion with me and then being upset when I don't LOVE it. I have finally made him understand that if he needs me to LOVE it then he needs to do it the way I want it done - it's my home ! I have strong opinions.

LouisaMingle's picture

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