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Advice please

biomomof1's picture

Submitted by biomomof1 on Tue, 01/27/2015 - 4:04pm

So I have a really big problem w the way my ss6 acts at school and at home.. at school lately he has been getting in trouble for hitting no following directions ... and at home he never listens to me to reminder I have had him since he was 8 months old he lives w us and only visits his BM every other weekend.... we have lots of problems w/ him being mean to his younger brother that is 2... he thinks its funny to not listen when I say something unless he wants something... there are times where I just want to get my son and leave bc it would be easier than dealing w the drama of having a ss and BM bc every time I make a choice regarding ss I am reprimanded for making it by my DH... BM talks bad about me and I am always really nice to her w us having custody of ss I take him to dr. appts and I always invite her but she always wants to talk about DH .... oh and this past weekend BM weekend she txt DH at 2 and tells him that she has had strep this week but has been on antibiotics so she thinks its best to not get him so that will be 3 weeks that she will go w/o seeing or talking to her son what mother can do that

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kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Tue, 01/27/2015 - 4:22pm

Stop. Stop being nice to bm and inviting her along.

Stop inviting her in to your life.

Let her have her visits and that's it. Nothing more.

biomomof1's picture

Submitted by biomomof1 on Tue, 01/27/2015 - 4:25pm

well if I did that she would complain about how we never let her know anything bc she always txt DH about you never tell me about muffins w mom or anything at school or whatever.... but yet my ss can talk but she never calls unless she wants to talk to DH while ss is at school or daycare

Heregoesnothing's picture

Submitted by Heregoesnothing on Tue, 01/27/2015 - 4:41pm

My SS6 is a non-listener at home, but he's terrific in school. I think he fears teachers and their opinions of him at school. Home, we're working on it and have made some progress by limiting TV and electronics to an extent during the week. What's his currency? Electronics, toys, TV?

Is there a jealousy thing with his brother? My DD is 2 and I know sometimes his tantrums are worse than hers, but generally they get along.

We have full custody too, BM was gone by 15 months, I was in his life at 27 months... BM EOWE, She comes up with excuses and goes 3-4 weeks without seeing him, but she talks to him twice a day, usually. We have found the less he sees her/thinks about her, the more focused he is, more likely to listen....although today was a snow day and dH is trying to get him to do homework for tomorrow (he did today's homework yesterday, but needs to do some spelling practice for tomorrow) and he's throwing himself on the floor and shouting, what the heck do I know...I'm watching Frozen with my girl, I remove myself when he puts me over the edge, I emerse myself in my child.

I recommend letting DH do the communicating with BM if possible. I don't ever want her to have access to me, but again, that's me.

I wish I had advice, but maybe it's the age and being a COD?

biomomof1's picture

Submitted by biomomof1 on Wed, 01/28/2015 - 8:15am

yeah trust me I have tried that but then he will throw it in my face that I have a favorite child but I mean dang ss has 2 sets of parents well when BM has a BF but our son has one set and that's it... I just gets to me when I go out of my way and ss says well ur just mean bc im the one that picks him up from daycare takes him to school goes to all school events takes him to the dr. does homework bathes ect... that's all me my DH acts like that is fine I can do all of that but discipline is just out of the question and he doesn't watch tv all that much well when Dh is home he does its well I was on a good color at school today can I play the xbox of course no one wants to hear that all night but he does watch a movie to go to sleep but yet my 2 year old doesn't I lay down w him and about 15 mins later hes asleep but what do I know I have only had my SS for 5 years... im normally the one that picks him up from BM 2