She's sober, I'm out
Been w DH a total of 10 yrs.Married 5 years to DH with 3 adult sd, ages 27, 30 and 35. I have 3 adult children from previous marriage, twin daughters aged 27 and son age 30. BM had serious alcohol and depression issues, some requring hospitalization, moved out of her own choice and left DH w sds when youngest sd was aged 7,smacking up cars, etc. bm moved back into house when middle sd had a breakdown at age 10, but remained in a back bedroom 24/7 while house somehow functioned around her. DH basically Remained married for approx 9 yrs, (Catholic family), then divorced at bm's request in 2005. . DH provided and still provides including I met dh in 2005 when youngest was 17. BM is now sober. SD's never really took to me, but in the last year, since youngest sd announced plans to marry, sd's (especially the oldest)have been manipulating to somehow re-connect bm, with dh including reaching out to his extended family members, (she hasn't had a relationship with these people for nearly 20 years and planning gatherings with them, and even dh somehow finding himself at events where i haven't been invited and bm is present. We both have totally been excluded from ANY involvment w wedding plans. When finally confronted recently, the middle sd said that we were a problem b/c bm doesn't have anybody. I am in so much pain at the moment, bm is suddenly sober so I'm a nuisance. How long do we have to tolerate the passive-aggressive behavior.
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How long do we have to
How long do we have to tolerate the passive-aggressive behavior.
Probably until they need or want something... then you all will be the flavor of the month.
What's happened is that he
What's happened is that he wasn't told by his daughters that ex would be present at the event(s), eg sd college graduation, there were only 2 tix: dh and i were gracious and agreed to stay home, then suddenly a number of tix appeared, and he was asked to sit with his ex. It would be rather easy to ignore the sd's I suppose, except that they also orchestrated events without him with his brother and sil, and extended family where the ex appeared to have just shown up. The whole family is passive aggressive, and secret keepers, no one told dh about these meetings, which occurred last summer, till this week, after we connected a lot of dots...it would be painful enough to let up on contact with his d's but the other people he's known for his whole life, they know some, not all about the horrors, and he he's hurt b/c he can't understand why no one clued him in.
Don't let him go without you.
Don't let him go without you. You are a team. I have no relationship with my SD because she is toxic. Her choice to be horrible to us, with that comes consequences that she has no relationship with this family.
Just because we married someone with children, does not mean we allow them to treat us like crap. I am sure my SD will surface again when she needs something, but for now, we are happy and she is not an influence on my household.
She is old enough to be told that how she treats someone matters.