You are here

What would you think

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 10:47am

This year I decided to send some Christmas cards to a couple of people in my family. I haven't done this in more than 10 years. I purchased the multi card pack and had tons left over because I don't speak to most of my family. I asked SO if he would like to send a card to his mom and one to his dad and SM. Ok, then he wanted to send one to his sister. Fine. Of course, I filled out each card and put pics of the kids in them, addressed them and put them in the mail.

SO's sister sent us a card back. Now the card I sent her said to the XXX family and SO, myself and each kid signed it. The one she sends back to us says to SO, SS and SD. No mention what so ever of me. I have been with SO for 5 years. I have met his sister on several occasions. While we haven't had much to say to each other because she's in her early 20's and we don't really know each other, I have always been polite to her, her husband and her 4 children.

SO says it's no big deal. Fine no big deal. I just won't send her another card and I know where I stand with her. She currently lives many states away so I won't be seeing her much.

Well, yesterday SO's sister puts on FB that they are moving much closer. (Her husband is in the Navy) and her and SO are now planning for SO me and the Skids to go visit them sometime later this year.

I don't want to. I haven't told SO because usually these types of plans with him go nowhere but what if this time is different. Should I just suck it up. Am I making too big a deal about a Christmas card? Or was it a back handed slap in the face? Any advice?

Comments

wth was I thinking's picture

Submitted by wth was I thinking on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 10:48am

I would be irate. I don't know if I would actually DO anything about it though.

Aeron's picture

Submitted by Aeron on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 10:58am

No, if you and SO live together, she was rude. You don't address something to each individual in the house and leave out an adult by accident.

However, if your SO is bad about following through on plans I would just leave it for a while. Be non-committal about anything he says in rregards to the trip, do not do Not make suggestions or be helpful in anyway. If he actually shows initiative and books things or whatever, tell him it's a bad time for you. Work, family obligation, whatever and just tell him you can't go but hope he and the kids have a great time.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 10:59am

Yes, we have been living together for several years.

When he was telling me about this "vacation" I just keep saying Ok, Ok, Ok....I might have to come down with the flu or something if this actually becomes real.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 11:47am

What do you know of her character? Have you reason to believe she is so poisonous you ought to stay away anyway? Or is she generally on good terms with everyone, well thought of? Or is she fundamentalist religiously (opposed to living together)?

If you know her to be a louse, stay away and out of her clutches.

If not known to be a dreadful witch, yes, she made a witch move but maybe handle it yourself. Go on the visit (if it happens) and check it out. Behave with the majestic graciousness of a grand duchess. Watch how she takes it. Is she warming up to you for the fabulous person you are? Or is she trying to find ways to shun you? File those results in your head.

Then, when you feel the moment is right, with a careless air say, "Oh, sis in law, while I'm here I thought I'd give you the proper spelling of my name, I know it's intimidating to remember whether it's got 2 t's or 2 n's, so it's easier to leave it off the card than get it wrong. Here, why don't I just write it down for you." Grab a napkin and do so.

What she does after that will tell you what the rest of your relationship with her is going to be like. Because you are gently letting her know you noticed and you don't like it and giving her an out. She would have to be pretty blatant to do it again or say "Oh, I left it off because I don't like you/don't recognize your sinful relationship/hope you give my brother back to the sister in law I liked better." So she would be the one bringing that out into the open. And that would be a whole different ball game.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 12:20pm

As far as I know, she has never gone to church. I really don't know what to think of it. We have never had a cross word with each other but I have heard some pretty bratty stories about her from SO. Last time her parents were on vacation she stayed at their place with all her kids and a couple of friends and left the place trashed. SO called her on it and she screamed at him and told him it was her house and she could do what she wanted (because she grew up there and he lived with his BM? She's his half sister).

The funny thing is the last time we saw them, I told SO that she seems more mature and actually had a few conversations with me.

I don't think his SM likes me very much and it could be a mother daughter tag team deal.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 12:35pm

Try the here's how to spell my name thing. If that goes poorly, cross her off your list of people you will interact with solid evidence and a clean conscience.

PokaDotty's picture

Submitted by PokaDotty on Mon, 01/05/2015 - 1:00pm

My SIL sent Dh a wedding invite and left me off... we've been married 8 years...