My last blog was about BM continuing to visit my DH at his business and his unwillingness to do anything about it. My final word on the matter to him was that he needed to write an e-mail to her stating that these visits were inappropriate and needed to stop. I wanted to see the email and watch him send it to be sure he did so. I also wanted to see it to be sure it wasn't full of crap like "my wife said..." or "your visits make my wife uncomfortable....". Finally, we are still waiting on her to sign the CO that was read into the court record last January. As we were expecting the signed papers last week, I wanted to be sure we got them BEFORE he sent the email and pissed her off.

Well, instead of listening to me, he CALLED her last week and told her to stop dropping by the store. I am not sure exactly what was said as I was not present. In fact, I did not know he had even called her until he called me the next day in a panic. He told me that he had called her the night before, that she had gotten angry, told him that his wife and mother run his life for him, and started badgering him about money. He explained to her that he was putting CS in the mail the next day and ended the call.

The next day, he texted her "Just dropped CS in the mail." She replied "Too late. Just got out of the CS office. Pressed charges against you for non-payment."

That is when he called me, yelling and blaming me that now he was going to jail and it was all my fault for forcing him to make that call. Of course, I cannot even begin to tell you how much is wrong with that sentence.

And before everyone jumps on the "He's a bad dad for not paying his CS" bandwagon, let me just explain what the real deal is: Before CS was court-ordered, DH and BM had worked out an amount between the two of them and DH gave her a check each week. This went on for about a year. They also had no custody agreement at this time. Then DH began dating me. I told him this was a bad idea as he had nothing to prove that they had made this agreement and that the courts would look at any money he gave her as a "gift". Also, I told him that he should protect his rights to his daughter with a CO as BM constantly used SD to threaten and manipulate DH. DH told BM he wanted to establish custody through the courts and BM flipped out and called CS. They went to court, the judge asked BM if DH had been paying her the agreed upon amount for the past year. BM lied and said no, so the judge awarded her arrears based on the difference between the agreed upon amount and the court-ordered amount. So DH started out in the hole and was ordered to pay an extra amount each month until arrears were satisfied. Add to this that BM had insurance on SD at the time and DH was ordered to pay half which was included in his CS. BM lost this job and her insurance about 4 months after CS was ordered. DH never got his CS adjusted and has continued to pay her the extra insurance $$ each month (I know, I know). In all fairness, DH is somewhat behind because he left his job to open his own business (not yet making a profit) and last year I lost my job unexpectedly, so this has been a very difficult year for us financially. But he has made payments as often as he can and for as much as he can. I have tried to get him to have it adjusted so that the payments are more fair (no insurance) and reasonable but he has been unwilling to do so and I am tired of fighting about it with him.

So, in reality, this is all DH's fault. If he had listened to me and emailed her, I think she would have taken it a lot better than a phone call. Also, if DH had worked out all his CS issues, this would not even be a problem to begin with.

He spend all weekend pissed off and stressed that he was going to be arrested at any moment. I told him to visit the CS office first thing Monday a.m. and get this crap worked out. For all we know, BM saying she "pressed charges" means that she filed a complaint. Also, I told him that people who at least make an attempt at paying their CS do not get arrested. What good would that do anyone?

So, he went down there and they pretty much said that he would not "get arrested". That he would be served papers to appear in court. The judge *could* have him arrested at that time, but more than likely, the judge will order a hearing in which he and BM will both have to present their evidence. As BM makes much more money now, no longer pays for SD's insurance, and DH makes much less money now, it is likely that CS will go down. If nothing else it will stay the same with the old "insurance" portion now being applied to arrears. I am really hoping that BM screwed herself.

DH and I are still not doing great relationship-wise. We have a lot of things to work out, clearly. But if nothing else, BM's little outburst showed DH that her "visits" had nothing to do with SD and everything to do with BM. Otherwise, why would she have reacted like that when asked to stop? Duh, DH.