Judgemental family members
I would say that I am more physically close to my family than emotionally close. I work for my grandmother alongside my 2 aunts. I am 25 and my aunts are 27 and 41. My aunt 27 is like my best friend and more like a cousin than an aunt. But recently we have went through a lot that has changed our relationship for the worse.
My SD8 is a beautiful and outgoing little girl. Shes caring and lovable but tells it like it is and says whats on her mind. I see it as a positive and love her blossoming personality. But I feel like my family is very judgemental to the point where I dont want to even bring her around them very much. Sometimes my SD8 does get a little bratty and Im trying to work with her. Its not her fault though as for most of her life shes only had her dad to raise her and (as Ive seen with most men plus being his only child) mostly gives in to what she wants because its easier and he feels bad when he cant give her some things because he doesnt have a lot of money. Weve worked with her more and Ive seen a lot of good changes in her behavior in attitude. But it makes me very sad and it reminds me of the way they treated my sister when she was little because she had that same fiery, outgoing personality. But at least my sister was blood family and they couldnt help but to love her and had my dad to stick up for her. With the approaching holiday there will be more family get togethers and Im just looking for advice as to how to deal with this. They are the type of people who dont say things to you so they can be changed. They just gossip to each other about their opinions and hold grudges until theres a big blow up when they decide to lay it all out. Has any other SM had troubles with their family adjusting to your new family? What did you do about it or how do you deal with it?
Time for dad to teach his kid
Time for dad to teach his kid to keep her mouth shut. There's no way an 8 year old should get the red light to blurt out whatever pops into her head. Your family is free to distance themselves from the SD and her rude behavior AND comment on your husband's lack of parenting.
I have to agree that an 8
I have to agree that an 8 year old would have to say something pretty rude or offensive to upset extended family to any kind of real degree. So, it is either worse than you make it out to be and she actually IS a little snot mouthed brat, OR your family is kind of unhinged. I go with option #1 as being the more realistic.
I don't understand how your boyfriend's kid could make THAT much of an impact on your holiday unless she is over-the-top out of control ruse or nasty.
It always boggles my mind
It always boggles my mind when individuals defend rudeness by dressing it up as "honesty". Nah, people just often gleefully feel that their know it all attitudes is just being honest and sadly in children it can evolve into manipulative bitchiness. Its an excuse to blurt whatever the hell they want, when they want without repercussion, as they dress it up as harmless honesty. There is a fine line between honesty and hurtful rudeness.
At 8 yrs old, your sd needs guidance from the adult figures in her life on social etiquette, and what is acceptable otherwise she will only get worse. The fact she has certain characteristics which you love e.g. individuality, passion, can almost certainly be encompassed into her social life without strangling them and teaching her good manners has nothing to do with killing those elements! They both can go hand in hand you know.
I have to agree with
I have to agree with everyone. IMO, when someone says they are just "telling it like it is" that's a nice way of saying they are rude to people for the sake of being rude. I wouldn't let an 8 year old(or any age) child tell me how it is. They haven't the first clue on how things really are.
If everyone around you is telling you there's a problem instead of getting mad at your family maybe you should realize they are also just telling it like it is. Since these are adults, most older family members you consider giving there opinions as much weight and respect as you give the childs.
Goodness gracious people are
Goodness gracious people are rude on here. Sorry the wording i used wasnt really the right way to say it and its not really that theyre telling me things. They just seem to ignore her and not try to get to know her. The things she says arent rude or out of line. She does have a filter, she just talks a lot. Plus they are extended family but since I work with them I have to see them every day.
Have you ever asked them why
Have you ever asked them why they ignore her? I'm married to a disney dad too, and no one in my family wants to be around his daughter or middle son because he lets them "speak their minds" the little girl won't shut up, all eyes must be on her at all times, the boy, he's a rude little ass who also won't shut up. I can understand why they don't want much contact. None of my friends and most of his do not like coming to social events if they know those two will be there.
You have to realize what you consider not being rude or out of line they might feel it is that way.
Pot meet kettle
Pot meet kettle
"....but tells it like it is
"....but tells it like it is and says what’s on her mind." Sorry, but this screams mouthy, brat who is allowed to get away with running her mouth because her parents thinks it is cute.
Instead of listening to your parents and everyone who has posted here, let her be. I guarantee her peers (or their parents) will put her in her place soon enough. Once the other kids stop playing with her and inviting her to parties and playdates, she will change. kid OR not. She may turn into a bratty teen who feels no one wants to be around her because they are all jealous of her. :sick:
I can already see the other parents pushing their kids away from little Miss Tell it Like it is.
I would recommend you ask
I would recommend you ask your family members, specifically someone who is easier to approach, about how to encourage inclusion for sd in the family. I would casually mention you noticing that things seem a little tense and you would like to know about any issues there may be.
You do mention that she talks lots and her dad mostly gives into what she wants. I must be honest and that doesnt sound like great ingredients for a polite, socialised child. Remember people can only give advice based on the information given. As a side note, they likely ignore her because she isnt their child or a blood relative so they do not feel comfortable disciplining her or saying anything, as its awkward criticising your bfs kid. So the only thing you can do if they feel her behaviour is obnoxious and she doesnt have any parents controlling that, is to ignore. Sorry, but any child who isnt told where the boundries are just escalate extreme behaviour!
Child needs to be taught that
Child needs to be taught that not everything she thinks is worth saying. Do other people react to your SD this way? I'm guessing they do. This kid lives in a world full of people, she is not an Empress hurling her opinions at minions who have to cower and take it.
Sounds like you care about this girl. Do you want her to have friends? Or do you like being the only who "gets" her? If you want her to be welcome in the homes of others, teach her to say kind things. It's basic civilization. All kids need it.
If your family reacts this
If your family reacts this strongly to her, it's one of two things:
1) Your family is hyper-sensitive, snobby, and completely out of line; or
2) It's a lot more than just a "very talkative" 8yo or sometimes being a "little bratty"
Personally, I find kids that can't shut up to be annoying; as I think most people do. It's great that she's social and likes to chat, but there is a time and place. Constantly talking to the point of annoying adults is not okay. Saying anything rude, hurtful, or inappropriate should be passed off as "speaking her mind". She needs to learn how to self control and adjust her behavior accordingly. It may be "cute" to you now, but it doesn't sound like anyone else is impressed; and that won't improve on its own.
Kids are taught how to be respectful and polite; it sounds like someone is lacking that .. either your family or your SD. Being that you say your 27yo aunt is basically your best friend, I don't think it's your family.