I needed a place to vent earlier tonight when my bf and I got into a major disagreement over his 3 kids having little respect for each other, each others things, and mostly MY STUFF.

As everyone else here, I have a long and frustrated history with my 3 step kids. I'll do my best to be brief on the background info.

Met current bf/common law hubby goin on 5 years ago. I was in middle of divorce and he actually wrote my divorce pleadings for me as he was an ex-process server, personal investigator, and a few other law related things. He told me he had 4 kids, but really only had contact with the younger 3. The oldest one mom took and dissappeared for most of daughters life, and so now, while he does have occasional contact with her, its maybe 2-3 times a year. She's now...18 I think.

The younger 3 are from his marriage, they are now 15(girl), and 12 (boy/girl twins). At first, we didn't know where they were - mom was hiding from him. He had not had contact with her in nearly 2 years, and it was about 2 1/2 years into our relationship when he finally found them. Contact was made, and they started coming to 'visit' us on weekends. This was 3 years ago, and at the time the kids were mostly well behaved, with a few small mishaps. At this time mom was being a 'good mom', had a steady full time job, was getting remarried, solid respectable reputation, etc.

The only real problem I ever had with his kids at that time was just after Easter 3 years ago - I had purchased a brand new wooden bunk bed set for my kids, and it was a present from the 'easter bunny'. I had owned it for literally 2 weeks, when his oldest daughter, 12 at the time and nearly 60 pounds overweight, decided to get up on the top bunk with BOTH her brother and sister. The top bunk was rated for MAX 150 pounds ... and with nearly double that, YUP ... snap crackle and pop ... the wooden supports for the mattress broke like matchsticks and down everything went. No one was hurt thankfully but I was LIVID.... I however expressed my frustrations to bf only ... though I wanted to chew the three of them one good one. I should have seen the signs then...

We continued to have them visit on weekends, and the relationship between BM and us wavers between ok, and openly hostile. I wont' get into BM's history here, but lets just say that she'd never ever win Wife of the Year. All sorts of accusations from her onto him .... how he doesn't take care of them, how she always has to bring over food for us, he never has any money .. on and on and on. Never once did it matter that she was the one that dissappeared with them and HID for almost 4 years! During that time she lied, forged court documents and all sorts of other unsavory things ... including creating a severe drinking habit.

My own kids bounce back and forth between my custody and their dads, and while he and I at times go toe to toe, for the most part we get along ok, well enough to not scream at each other every time we see each other.

Now fast forward some, I had some serious financial problems, lost my apartament (got evicted cause I couldn't afford the rent)and eventually wound up at my fathers house with boyfriend, and my 2 kids.

We've been here 2 years now? And at first, it was ok. My Boyfriend and I have one bedroom, My father had 2 bedrooms, and my kids ... well when I had them they slept on the couch in the living room, as that became their bedroom. My father refused to give up one of his 2 rooms for them, and eventually I accepted that. (See, dad is a blog of his own).

At first, we refused to let the kids stay here, no space, didn't want them to see the place, didn't want them around my dad, plus a few other reasons. So I started driving DBF to their apartment on weekends, and then back home again. And this worked ... for a while ... until she started bringing home different guys different nights to sleep with ... while he and his kids were there. And she'd think nothing of this. He'd sleep on the couch, they'd sleep on the floor in their room (one full bed for 3 kids...), and mom would be having a PARTAY in her room with the flavor of the night.

Two weekends of this was all he could stand...not to mention the fact that the apartament was a trash dump, never kept clean, trash on the floor, kids never cleaned up after themselves.... no food or supplies like toliet paper, it was bad. So he stopped going over there.

Then, earlier this year, the kids started giving us and him reports that mom was drinking, bad. Started immediately as soon as she'd get home from work, and often not stopping till she was passed out drunk. When drunk, she'd get verbally and physically abusive toward them ... but mostly focused on the oldest daughter. We kept a record of what was going on, but there wasn't much we could do about it because of space issues and a lack of money to support 3 more mouths. I had lost my job and he is waiting on a permanent disability claim thats now nearly 2 years old (8 herniated disks in his spine, not a surgical candidate), and we were living off of food stamps and my meager salary. Once that was gone .... well feeding ourselves plus my 2 kids just 3 days a week was a serious struggle.

We took them for a 'summer visit' when their mom drank herself into oblivion one night just after the 4th of july. She passed out after a multi day binge and after most of a night not being able to rouse her, the kids finally got terrified enough to call 911. They took her to the hospital, and we got a call at 6.30 am from the city police asking if we were going to come and get them.

Due to the medications and doctors orders DBF is under, he can't/doesn't drive. So I got in my car and off we went to pick them up. They lived 30 minutes away, so by the time we got out there the paramedics had already left, and the cops had allowed the kids to go back to the apt. and wait for dad by themselves. One was 'very impressed' with the responsibility that the 15 year old was showing him, and thats why he allowed them to stay to wait.

Mom blew a .4-something at the er, and a day or so later, with signatures from the admitting er doc, her mother, and best friend, was taken to a 25 day dry out facility under medical lockdown. We had no choice but to keep the 3 kids. We had 5 kids sleeping in a 200 square foot living room with 2 loveseats and a recliner chair 3 nights a week when I had my kids - the rest of the week was not quite so packed. The month was stressful, but we managed, and she was released 10 days early. She of course promised not to drink again, but once an addict, always an addict, and she hadn't yet reached the point where she truly WANTED to quit.

We found out during that month that she had been fired due to excessive absenteeism, and the days that she was there she'd sneak off on her lunches to run home, grab a drink, and run back. She was never 100% sober in several months prior to the first hospitalization.

She was being evicted out of her apt due to 2 months unpaid rent, and was 'freaking out' because she had 'nowhere to go'. Thats what started the binge. So her sister bravely stepped up and vol'd her house for drunko and kids. However, the kids never made it that far due to binge number 2 the weekend after school started for them (first full week in august). After nearly 4 days straight of drinking, she again passed out sunday night, and monday morning, flat refused to get up and take the kids to school. Her excuse was that she was going to withdraw them anyways, so what did it matter if they went?

Well, come bout 9 am, she finally got fed up with them 'bothering her', so instead of taking them to school late, she drives them to the local city library and tells them she'll be back that after noon sometime.

I had just gotten home from taking my own kids to school, and sat down on bf's computer to read something he had found, and all of a sudden sd15 im's him. I reply saying that she better not be texting in class (she had gotten in trouble for that the first week in school) and she replies she's not at the school, she's at the library. I immediately get her dad, and within 10 minutes he's on the phone with the high school principal informing them of the situation. They recommend he come to pick them up and meet him at the school.

Off we go again. Only this time they come out of the library unshowered, unkempt, teeth unbrushed, stinking, and in pj's with hair unbrushed. Dad's yellin at all three of them because of their unclenliness, and we find out that they are not only out of essentials like soap and shampoo, but toilet paper as well. Mom is presumably home either sleeping or drinking, unknown as to which.

Principal brings in a school counselor trained to handle family emergency situations, and has already contacted the middle school for the twins. After a long 3 hour meeting which ended up involving a city cop, the agreement was that dad had the legal right to ask mom if he can take them to 'visit' but if she says no he has to leave them with her, as she is full time custodial parent. We get to her apt, and she says no, they can't go. So she's royally pissed at what we did, and refuses to let them leave.

We get in the car, and start to head home, with plans to head immediately to the local court for an emergency injunction, when the phone rings, and sd15 says she changed her mind, we're packing, come back.

So, they came back with us, and ended up with a nearly three week vacation from school as he fought for some type of parental rights, after finding out that she had forged and filed false documents for full custody during the years she was hiding from him. She claimed she had served him properly the docs - ok, he was living with ME during that time and we never once ever got served for anything. Total lies. But the court bought it, and awarded her full custody. So now we have to get some kind of temporary order on them to at minimum withdraw them from their current schools (well over a 40 minute drive from our current house), and into schools in our local district. We ended up going to the local courthouse 5 times in one day but in the end the judge awarded the temporary injunction and had set a date for the regular custody hearing.

So once Dad had the papers in hand, he wanted to go show them in person to his ex. I particularly did NOT want to do this, but he convinced me to drive him out there, so we did, and nearly instantly regretted doing so.

I stayed in the car, he walked to the door, and she opened it up with a full cup of strait Bacardi in which she turned around and gulped in one clean shot. Turned back around and faced him in the doorway - all under 30 seconds he told me later on.

They then started in on a conversation focusing on her drinking, her loosing the apt and a few other things .... I'll spare details but I ended up going into the apt as well for a brief time, and then going back outside to call 911, as she was beyond drunk and was in obvious need of medical assistance. She flat refused to go to the hospital, and was a crying hysterical mess, but when the cops showed up they pretty much said either you go in your ex's girlfriends comfortable car or you can go handcuffed in a squad car. Still resisting they walked her out to my car (oh JOY of JOYS), where she for one last yahoo, decided at the door to try to turn and run away. Now the woman could barely stand up, much less run, but she was talking, and could recite her ss number and phone number. So the cops didn't think she was all that gone, and thats why an ambulance wasn't called. Bf kept telling them she was at least a .4, but they wouldn't believe him.

I drive her (and him) back to the same facility she spent 2 weeks at the month before, and the whole time she's telling him how much she misses him, how much she still loves him, yet how much he screwed up HER life, and on and on and on. My car has leather seats, and while I can ignore her words, I told him the instant she starts puking, I'm pulling over and throwing her out of my car. I was livid that he had dragged me into HER DRAMA, and even more so that he was being NICE to her.

So we get to the facility, and they instantly see what a mess she's in. She's hiccupping and sobbing, and hysterical, and a total disaster, and yet she's telling everyone what a dumbass they are, and all this other typical drunkeness stuff. She's switching back and forth between telling us how grateful she is to us for helping her to how much of a bitch I am for various reasons. After a few minutes of disrupting their waiting room, they pull her into a side room where they make her take a breathalyzer .. at first she refuses, but BF sweet talks her into it by telling her she doesn't have to go to the hospital if she just blows into it. She buys it and blows ... I'm standing outside the slightly cracked open door and can hear everything clear as a bell, she blew a .462, and thought it was a .642, and started freaking out again.

Anything over .08 (state legal limit) and treatment facility calls paramedics. Anything near .4 and they go into freak out mode. They called for the ambulance, and told us to make sure she doesn't leave the building for any reason at all.

So its literally like 9 pm, I'm over an hour's drive away from home, sitting in a drug rehab waiting room with my boyfriends ex wife who's beyond drunk. He's trying to be as nice as he can to her to keep her calm, and she's literally trying to get him to do her there in front of everyone in the lobby. And i'm sitting there keeping my mouth SHUT, with every fiber I have. Cause if not I'm gonna BLOW up, and while she deserves it, THAT would cause major Trouble with the BF.

Paramedics finally arrive, and they can't believe how drunk she is yet still standing, walking, and talking coherently. Slurring horrible, but still coherent. She refuses to get on the stretcher, so they have to nearly force her to get on it, and when she finally does, she makes BF "promise" that he'll follow her to the hospital. I give him a look that basically says if you make me go there i'm gelding you, and as soon as she was in the ambulance, we drove off the other way.

Oh, the best part was that we expected that she'd be in the hospital for several days, like the first time, and had her apt. keys. We were planning to go back the next day and finish gathering up the kids things, when the next morning at literally 5 am, she called from the apt. office demanding that I drive her keys back to her. I looked at BF with the same look from the night before, and he refuses to give into her demands, saying she'll just have to wait till we get there. Don't care what she does, where she goes in the meantime. I go back to sleep, and we make it out there around 9 am or so. She instantly tries to jump over my ass because of it, and BF won't let her, thankfully.

So, we have the kids, a temporary custody order, and finally enrollment into local schools. Few days later, they have a court hearing for the more permanent custody arrangement, and instead of tossing her ass to the lions, he's 'nice', and allows her to retain joint custody w/visitation every weekend.

Now the other part of this story is she's got food stamp benefits for the three kids that now WE need. We're feeding them but barely, and had to go to the local food banks just to keep food in the house. There were more than a few nights where the kids got dinner, and we didn't. Meanwhile, she's sitting on over $400 each month and refusing to use it for the kids.

Enter a DES fraud claim that took 3 months to resolve. We finally got the stamps switched over to Dad's case number, but only after 3 months of her getting them, and spending them on herself.

She's still drinking, though she's telling everyone she's not .... last weekend one of the twins and the older daughter were with her at different times and BOTH came back saying she had been drinking.

There's an ongoing facebook drama from her saying that she's asking for forgiveness for her sins, how she's purged the evil from her soul, and that shes going to get her kids back as soon as she finds a job. yet she's "not drinking" and going about her life as if nothings happened. Friends of both of them on facebook wrote to BF defending her sobriety. He finally got so sick of her lies and emotional blackmail that he posted on his wall exactly what she had done, what she was doing, and what his kids were saying when they got back. She denied it publically, yet monday afternoon, after they got home from school, she called and tried to apologize to each of them for getting drunk in front of them. Yet BF is the 'liar'.

All this crap that the ex has caused .... none of it is greater than what she's dumped on the kids. They are not spoiled in a sense, as they haven't HAD anything in the last 2 years or so, but they have also had absolutely NO discipline, no responsibility, no accountability for their actions, no respect for each other, no manners, and basically no civilized mature behavior.

The 'responsible' 15 year old turned into a whiny, pouting, selfish brat, and the twins are incessantly at each others throats for every stinking little thing. The girls are constantly fighting over clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc - anything and everything.

For the last few years its plainly obvious that they've been left to fend for themselves way too much. And a pre-teen with two pre-adolecent siblings left alone for YEARS basically without parental supervision .... its a complete nightmare.

SD12 is the worst of all of them. She absolutely refuses to retain ANY rules at all. It doesn't matter what you tell her to or not to do, she 'forgets' instantly. And we know its on purpose because when it comes to her sister using her stuff, she's got a 10 year long memory. She's nearly caused several kitchen fires because she refuses to listen to our rules about not cooking on the stove, has caused several things in the house to be broken when she let the dogs into the house and they immediately started chasing the cats, and has a mouth that will just NOT stop. Whining, constantly whining.

The worst part is the lack of respect these three show on a daily basis. The way that they talk to each other is appalling. They have no regard for each others belongings, or for their things in general. I personally can't stand being in the same room with any of them because of it. They fight constantly, and everything is 'you're so stupid' or a variation thereof.

Dad, thankfully, does the best he can to discepline them... but with his back sometimes he simply can't even get out of bed TO yell at them. They have learned that when he's laying down they can get away with murder, and ESPECIALLY when I'm not here.

I have a pile of my possessions in my bedroom on the floor next to my bed - including things like my razor, shampoo, and other bathroom items that belong to my daughter, simply because they won't leave my stuff be. They take without asking, and end up using my supplies which means that when I need them ... its gone.

I don't ask for much regarding them... there's a recurring fight between Dad and myself over my interaction with them. For the nearly 3 years my kids lived with me before his kids entered the picture, I got lecture after lecture over how 'well behaved' his kids were, and how I should handle my son. Over the last year or so my son9 has developed somewhat of an attitude. Its caused some pretty big blow up yelling matches where he decided to test to see how far he could make me go ... and of course BF had to jump in with his opinion.

But it turns into a comparison of bad child behavior where each of us thinks that the others kids are 'worse behaved'. Its non stop and came up again today when I found out that one of his daughters had not only used my razor in the shower AND used the last of my facial wash (at $15 a 5 ounce jar... I was LIVID), not to mention my son's heirloom quilt that my mother had sewn several years before. The quilt I can forgive as we had a power outage the other night and it was the night we had the huge winter storm hit ... freezing rain and no heat/power was not a good combination, and so every blanket in the house was called into service. What I could NOT forgive is that the day before the main water pipe in the house broke, and was leaking under the sub floor in their bedroom.

Due to the suddenness of gaining custody of them, we were unable to prepare for their arrival, and so they sleep on a thin mattress on the floor of the third bedroom (my fathers 2nd bedroom ... he gave it up for the step kids, but not my kids....) and the carpet was and still is soaked. So they were unable to sleep in that room for a few days, but last night the oldest decided while dad was sleeping that she'd sleep in there anyways, and put the mattress back on the wet carpet floor without a tarp and threw my sons quilt on the mattress. Well, its a full size quilt on a love seat sized bed mattress and a good portion of it hung over the edges of the 'bed' ....and soaked up water from the carpet allllll night long.

We found it when we were in the room taking the daily damage control survey, and again, I was livid.

But BF doesn't see it as a major problem ... his answer is that if I don't want them to use my stuff, to put it in the bedroom.

Well sorry. I don't see this as a SOLUTION. Just a freakin Band-Aid. Hes not teaching his kids anything. Yelling at them and telling them to shut up might solve the arguing on a temporary basis, but their behavior is not changing after 4 months of being here. Its getting worse. And I've about gotten to the point where I'm seriously thinking that going back out on my own again isn't such a bad idea, even though next year we are going to move into his moms house after she moves to vegas.

*sigh* I've been writing for nearly an hour now, I had no idea I had to vent THAT much. It's been building up in me for a long time now, and no one I know of has step kids.

I'll stop this post now lol before it turns into a book.