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Not sure how I feel about this

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:10pm

I discovered that SD21 has posted a bunch of pictures of my kids (her half-sisters) on her Facebook page in a Family album. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm not sure I like having my children's photos out there where I cannot control them.

In addition, SD21 is only in one of those photos as she spends little to no time with my two bios. The rest of the photos are ones which I have to presume DH is sending to SD21 so she has a clue about what is going on in their lives.

Not sure this is worth rocking the boat about, but it does bother me. Thoughts?

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:24pm

Yeah, the only people I share photos of my kids with are my friends and family. I keep them very tightly controlled. DH is within his rights to pass them on to SD21, I just don't want to see them posted publicly on social media. I am NOT friends with SD21 and I can see these, which means it is a public album. Even if it was private, SD has about 2000 "friends" whom I do not know and whom I do not really care to know what my kids look like.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:57pm

Have seen that meme! I hardly ever look at her Facebook profile, honest. This being public really bugs me though.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:40pm

Oh come on. They are her half sisters. Just because the relationship doesn't look like YOU want it to does not negate the fact that they are indeed siblings, and they do have a relationship. Maybe for all the OP knows, the relationship they have works just fine for everyone else.

Really, OP? She posted pics of her half sisters. If she hadn't, that would likely offend you as well.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:43pm

She posted photos of my two bios PUBLICLY, for the entire Facebook world to see. I could care less if she NEVER posts a damn photo of my bios, she never has before. At least lock it down to the 2000 or so "friends" you have.

The_Atheist's picture

Submitted by The_Atheist on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 11:25pm

Gotta agree! OP is lucky her skid likes her siblings enough to even share their pics. Many of us here wish the skids cared in any regard.

OP will look like a control freak if she rides this. If my SO got angry over something like that I'd think he was a petty nut and I'd be re-analyzing if he was worth keeping as a partner...

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:37pm

I respectfully disagree. My Facebook page is tightly locked down, only friends and family can see them and I keep that at a very small pool. I am not "giving myself an excuse."

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:41pm

But any family or friend can also copy that picture and share it, so YEAH, it actually is a really lame excuse.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:42pm

So now I have to have an "excuse" for why I do not want people other than their actual PARENTS to post photos of my two BDs?! Thanks for letting me know that.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:49pm

No, but common social media norm is that if you "share" something with someone that they are welcome to share it onward as well. Unless you want to pointedly remark on each and every photo that you do want anyone sharing photos of YOUR children without your express permission.... which makes you look like a loon.

The_Atheist's picture

Submitted by The_Atheist on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 11:29pm

The reality is "your" kids are HER blood too, and she just may be surrogate mom to them when you are in the grave. Don't shit on her relationship gesture with them just because you have a frankly: IRRATIONAL fear that some psycho takes a liking to your kids pic... There's billions of kids on the net. The mathematical chance someone will faun over a pic of your kid is practically nil...

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:42pm

So now I have to have an "excuse" for why I do not want people other than their actual PARENTS to post photos of my two BDs?! Thanks for letting me know that.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:43pm

SD has about 2000 "friends" whom I do not know and whom I do not really care to know what my kids look like.

They probably don't really care what your kids look like, either. What, exactly, is your concern?

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:43pm

I'm sorry, but I think you need to let it go. You sound a little looney complaining that a half sibling shared pictures of her siblings that YOU put on social media in the first place.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:44pm

I did NOT put those photos on social media. They were taken for our own home use only. Oh, and thanks for calling me lame and now looney.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:53pm

Wow, you sound pretty defensive and overly sensitive there Elizabeth! Actually, I didn't call you as an individual anything. I called your excuse lame, and said the actions you had in mind made you sound "a little looney".

Maybe you are, I don't know. You seem sort of reactive and paranoid. This is a chat forum for people wanting advice. You won't like some advice, and that's perfectly fine. If you don't like mine then don't take it.... but I thought you wanted others input, so I gave you mine.

Is this my social media warning that I'm *NOT* to respond to your threads?

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 1:59pm

I'm fine with people responding in a way that is not attacking. Maybe you need to more carefully consider your word choice? And let me clarify, these photos were never shared socially by DH or myself, DH sent them privately to SD. Does that change your opinion, because you seem to be hanging a LOT on the fact that they were previously shared socially, which they were not.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 3:49pm

It does change the dynamic some that the pictures weren't "re-shared" from your or DH's page, but SD is probably not going to understand it. Then again, most young people over share all the time with no thought about it.

I agree, asking your DH to have her limit her privacy settings is likely the only way this won't go over like a bomb.

The_Atheist's picture

Submitted by The_Atheist on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 11:33pm

Maybe you are hyper sensitive?

I have read a LOT of valid concerns from step moms here, your concern, frankly: is over blown. Moreover, your defensiveness of it is making me wonder just what exactly is the real deal in your home... I can't imagine EVER getting miffed at my skid accepting mine publicly as family...

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 2:02pm

The voice of reason! Yes, this makes sense, although you seem to be one of the few people responding who actually understand that my concerns "could" be valid.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 3:19pm

The kids are 8 and 11. No personal info attached that I can see, but the album is all publicly available.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 2:18pm

Elizabeth, I understand why you're not OK with this. I would not be happy about this, either.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 2:45pm

If the OP's husband gave the SD permission to the pictures, then that may be all the permission she needs.

BMs have tried to keep SMs from posting pictures of their kids. Once dad gives SM the green light, there isn't a thing BM can do about it.

I think both parents should have to agree before a minor's picture can be posted online.

Elizabeth's picture

Submitted by Elizabeth on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 3:21pm

In my opinion, texting a photo to SD does not give her permission to post it publicly. I highly doubt DH expected her to do that either. SD has a problem with boundaries, DH has asked her multiple times to make her Facebook profile private, there was a time when she was much younger (age 12) she was posting her cell phone number on her public Facebook profile. And later (age 15-18) when she was publicly denigrating me on Facebook. She eventually did make it private, but recently she has opened it back up for the world to see.

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 3:02pm

The unicorns are out today.

If the kids are yours, you can report the pics to facebook & they will remove them.

there IS something you can do if it really bothers you.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 11:48pm

Sounds like Sd wants to show off her family. That is what people do on fb. Even if they are not close.

I find with blending families...you have to think..is this the hill I want to die on? Is this battle really worth it?.

I always need to carefully pick which battle I am willing to go into.

So just ask yourself this...is this the hill you want to die on. Helps me decide.

(and I would not want to die on this hill if I were you, I would let it be)

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Tue, 08/12/2014 - 11:55pm

I'm with you on being pissed off that she's posting them on Fb. Totally not cool. I'd say, hey, if we were talking a pic she took at their birthday party "oh look my little sis at her party!" Then meh still wouldn't be happy but not so bad...but what she's doing is really crappy. Your dh is an idiot for sending her the photos.he should knock it off.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Submitted by WTF...REALLY on Wed, 08/13/2014 - 12:01am

Just wondering why in your opinion the dh is an idiot for sending his daughter pictures of his kids to her. They are all his kids.