Need advice as a "stepchild"
I have a question as a "stepchild", I use quotes because neither of my parents are remarried but are in relationships. Anyway, I want to know if it's rude/wrong for me to have a picture up in my home of my parents together? Not like them as a couple but us as a family when they were married?
I ask this because my dad gets bothered by it and will cover my moms face. It's not even a framed picture either, it's a picture I found and have on my fridge. Nothing passive aggressive, It's just a picture that makes me happy to see us together. My parents didn't divorce until I was 22 ish If I remember correctly and I have no desire for them to be together nor do I encourage it. They know this and are thankful that I'm supportive of their present relationships.
What do you think of this? I feel like it's my home and I don't need anyone telling me what to do but at the same time I don't want anyone to think I'm purposely being a dick, ya know?
To add, my mom doesn't have a problem, I don't think she's even noticed. My dad is the only one with the issue.
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It would depend on if I felt
It would depend on if I felt ss was deliberately trying to rub it in my face. Growing up we didn't take very many photos so when I found this picture It meant a lot. And it's a small photo. Dh and have lots of pictures on our fridge so it's amongst many others. So in essence I feel that if ss had the type of pic I wouldn't mind.
That makes a lot of sense,
That makes a lot of sense, thank you!
I've never thought in that perspective of "how would i feel."
well, my dads gf has only been to my house 1 time and she didn't go in the kitchen. My dad is the one with the issue. My mom left him and he's never been able to get over it.
For me, I do not see a
For me, I do not see a problem. Your whole childhood was with the both of them. I think it is good that you love both parents and looking at your time with them in the past makes you happy.
This is your dads issue, not yours. The parents got divorced, not you from your parents. Its fine to have positive feelings towards your parents and your childhood. Your dad needs to accept that.
Its your home and your past life.
My step daughter has a photo of her parents in her room when they where together. Dose not bother me. We all live together, so I do prefer the photo stays in her room.
Thank you for your words The
Thank you for your words
The way I see it is my parents are divorced now and I'm fine with it but it doesn't take away my memories, ya know? Also it's not a picture of JUST them being lovey dovey or something. It's a small 4X6 picture of us on top of that they aren't even next to eachother in the pictures. It's my dad, us kids and my mom on the other side. It would be different if it were them hugging and i blew it up and framed or something but I would never. Our fridge is messy full of magnets and pics. Our fridge also has a pic of MIL and her new husband.
Ss has a pic of bm with her mom that he brings over too, doesn't bother me either. It's his mom and regardless of how sh*tty a person she is, I would never try to stomp on that.
Your house, your family. Have
Your house, your family. Have whatever pics you like and let your Dad deal with it.
We have a fugly pic of Biobitch in our home: SS has a pic of his Mom in his room. It's his Mother so he can have the pic.
Doesn't bother me. His room, his mom, his pic.
It's not my (or your Dad's) business to rewrite the kid's (or your) history or family.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Did you read my post? I
Did you read my post? I explained fully that there is no animosty at all so why would you ask if it's some type of "dig" at my dad?
I guess I feel like if it's my home why should I hide things away in my room.
I really don't think having a 4x6 picture on my fridge amongst many other pictures is "shoving" it up anyone's ass.
I don't see anything wrong
I don't see anything wrong with it. Your home, your photos, your decision. I think your dad is being a bit dramatic by covering up her face when he walks by it. It's on your refrigerator for heaven's sake, lol.
Yeah, I also feel he's being
Yeah, I also feel he's being dramatic. I guess it's a big step for him though, in my last house I had a picture of my mom, not them together, just my mom and I and he got the picture and cut her out. That was a big fight and he's never dont that again so now he just covers her face. I'm thankful for that but they've been divorced I think what, 6 or 7 years, i mean get over it, ya know?
That's kind of been my
That's kind of been my thnking as far as "if you don't like, don't look at it." He has things in his home that I don't like but it's not my home therefore I keep my mouth shut.
Why should she "hide" her
Why should she "hide" her parents that she lived with her whole childhood?
The dad would have to be one insecure man to be offended by his child having a photo of her parents up.
Our society is wayyyyyyy to sensitive now a days. An adult should not have to hide special moments in their life in their room. My sister and I think very different. She has things in her home I would never have or want to see. But its her home and what makes her her. And I love her.
I talk with my SD in her room all the time and see photos of bm. Is she really suppose to hide them since I see them. I am not that insecure
Rock the photos of your life. Be proud of your life.
I agree with you that people
I agree with you that people should be kind to others. One hundred percent.
When couples get divorced, it does not erase the past. My sister has a family photo of me, my ex and our two kids up on her family wall. She also has a photo of my wedding day with all the kids with my DH. Both my dh and myself see nothing wrong with the photo being up. At my mil home, she has a photo of my dh with his ex and daughter from years ago up. I have no issue with it
I think it is more rude to think that once we are divorced, we should expect the families to pretend the first marriage did not happen and to remove all evidence. Seams rather silly in my book.
There's nothing wrong in
There's nothing wrong in having the photo...you see it in the mornings while having coffee and it makes you smile. It's not like you've devoted your home to a shrine of what was.
However, it annoys your father. How about simply turning the pic around when Dad comes over and is likely to enter the kitchen? He should be content that you are supportive of his new relationship and happy for him and his new mate. It doesn't seem to be enough for him though. He isn't comfortable coming into your kitchen and seeing a pic of his ex's face...humor him. Turn it around when you expect him over or magnet another photo over part of it to save him the trip to the fridge to do so himself.
If the worse Dad can do to find something to whine about is one small photo of you, him and mom, the man should be counting his blessings. We read here so many adult children playing havoc in their parents new relationships after divorce. You're not one of them.
lol i love that idea, i think
lol i love that idea, i think i will do that in the future.
Thanks for your comment Ya
Thanks for your comment
Ya know, I'm really not doing it to be a sass. My dad HARDLY ever comes over and in the 2 years I've had my home his gf has been there once. I've talked to both of my parents and they know that although i would love for them to have worked their relationship out, I understand they aren't good for eachother, they are toxic. I'm fully supportive of them living seperate lives.
My dad still harbors resentment because my mom left him. It hurt his ego very bad. Dh's mom is the same way. She's get angry when she sees pictures of FIL and his new wife in our home also.
I have a photo of my parents
I have a photo of my parents and me and my sister hanging in my office. My parents divorced when I was 3 (?). I just like having the picture, because that is my family.
No real advice, just wanted to let you know you arent the only one
It's your home, you can hang
It's your home, you can hang pictures of Satan, Stalin and Hitler if you wanted (though I wouldn't recommend the last two at all).
Your dad is being disrespectful by covering up your mother's face. And kind of a jerk if I'm being honest. Tell him to leave your possessions alone and if he doesn't like it, leave.
Quite frankly, if skid decided to hang pics of her parents together in her house I'd keep my yap shut. It's none of my business. She knows they will never get back together, she was a little shy of two when they divorced. But if it makes her feel good to see them as a happy family when she was little, then I'm all for it.
Thanks for your comment Echo,
Thanks for your comment Echo, I always appreciate your advice.
I would understand his behavior if I was going out of my way to make him uncomfortable and glofifying his and my moms relationship but that's not the case here. There are probably 10 other pictures amongst magnets that we collect on our fridge... yes yes it's sloppy but that's what we prefer. I'm not hanging a huge pictures of them hugging framed in the entry way or anything lol.
I'm thinking I will have to go the route of telling him to buzz off or do not come in. I'm not a child anymore and I don't feel like I need to adjust the doings in my home for him.