I need help / advice
When I married my husband 2 years ago, my children were getting ready to move out on their own, and he did not have custody of/ nor see his children (Ages 16, 15 and 13)from his previous marriage. They were living with their BM out-of-state - halfway across the country. After being a single parent for 12 years and raising my children on my own with no help from their BF, I was ready for a new life with my new husband. We were traveling, going to the theater, movies, dinners, parties, etc - REALLY enjoying life for the first time in my life. Imagine my shock, stress, disappointment when 6 months into our marriage, the BM decided to send the 13-year old to live with us because she couldn't handle him anymore.
My husband travels frequently for work, and I used to be able to join him. Now I get to stay home and babysit for HIS child - who doesn't help out, is demanding and all-consuming, and destroying my beautiful marriage. I can't even get him to turn off a light switch - and don't think I haven't reminded him, yelled, grounded, etc. Sending him back to the mother is NOT an option. She's a nut-case, and my husband would never forgive me if I even suggested it. I cry all the time - am depressed and beginning to feel physically ill. I haven't been on a trip or vacation with my husband since our honeymoon. I feel my marriage slipping through my fingers, and am mourning my short-lived happiness.
- Rapunzel50's blog
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Comments
Ouch
Have you spoken with your hubby about your feelings? Is there a family member (grandparent,etc) who could give you a break so that you and he can have some time together?
I wish I knew what to tell you, I'm considering this all right now myself. All I do know is that when you marry a man with kids and an ex, you don't just marry the man, you marry the family. Often it's easy to love the man, but not so easy to love the whole package especially when you feel it's taking the man's time and attention away from you. I think it's normal to feel that way, heck we're all human, the problem is tho, the family is a reality that must be accepted and worked with if you want to stay with the man.
Is there anyone else who can help?
Do you have anyone you can leave him with so you can join your husband on a trip? I know exactly what it is to feel like you are your spouse's babsitter. I felt like that for the better part of our relationship, now I'm just used to all the children together and we do send his two bios to their mom (who is also a nut job, but they visit between all their relatives) during school breaks to give us a break from each other. Maybe make friends with some of his friend's mothers and see if you feel comfortable leaving him with their family on occasion so you can go with your hubby. Just some ideas. I hope it works out for you.
Oh, lordy...
I agree with the two above posts. But one thing I think you seriously need to do for yourself, is see a counselor. If you are now to the point of physically ill, you NEED to seek help. If you start on just your own basis, you'll be able to get a lot off your chest, and after you going for a while, your DH may see some changes, and the therapist may be able to then continue jointly. This way, you have a mediator to be able to interpret between you, and give you tools to use.
I think that the dynamics changed so drastically for you that it's really unfair to you. So, truthfully, I think you need to sit your DH down and talk to him about how you feel. I really like the idea about friends and family. Not only would it be good for you, but also for him. He'll get interaction and socialization, something that 13 yr olds need- a little independence, but supervised by the individual taking care of him, if you get my drift.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...;) StepMom
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...