is it normal...
Forums:
FDH and BM have been divorced for 3 going on four years, SD was 6mo. When FDH and I got together, SD was 9mo, and I noticed that when SD would leave FDH would get REALLY upset, and nearly sink into depression until we got SD back.
I thought that it was normal, I mean it had only been 3 months that he had left the situation. i simply though it would get better as time passed.
Like i had said before, it has been nearly 4 YEARS and FDH still gets this way... Is it normal for something like this to last this long? Its almost like he's greaving her absence. How can I help FDH with this? If there is anything anyone can think of.
Well... it's normal to miss
Well... it's normal to miss your kids. I guess it depends what you mean about getting really upset and "depressed". What, exactly, does he do? Are we talking actual tears? Go to bed and refuse to get up for a couple days? Just moody? What?
All of the above. He cries
All of the above.
He cries nearly every drop off his way home. ( I mean like 9 out of 10 times.. A lot)
He doesn't really climb in bed and not get out (though before we had our babies he did) now he just plays his games so he feels like he helping me more with the kiddos.
He is VERY emotional the day of drop of up until the day we pick her up.
Moody, he can't usually sleep, sometimes he works him self up so much that he actually makes himself ill... I just don't think it is the usual... Especially with having 3 other children in the house.
I could understand getting a little sad when SD leaves, I do at times. But to get this worked up?
Do you think he's concerned
Do you think he's concerned about SD's care by BM?
If he won't talk to you, I suggest a therapist.
My DH gets very upset and
My DH gets very upset and down when his kids leave, and even more so when SS16 leaves,now that his 18 yo has cut him and BM off completely. (We know he's ok because the army would have informed us if he wasn't. That isn't a pleasant position for any parent)
He wishes he could be more present in their lives. (They live in a different state) He think that makes him a shitty Dad.
He wishes he hadn't given permission for BM to move there.
There are alot of coulda shoulda woulda's.
He takes about a week after any visit to get through this.
I guess given how young your FDHs child was, and how many HUGE changes take place in those early years would amplify this. It is greif.
Only you know, and you do know, if its "normal" or if he might need some help to learn how to cope with this so you can all move forward.
I'd recommend counselling,
I'd recommend counselling, stat - the man needs to get a grip and he needs to learn how to deal.
FDH needs some therapy I
FDH needs some therapy I think. It is normal to miss your kids or any other special person in your life. But to have it be a depressing, emotional, and life impacting event every time you part with them is not normal IMHO. Particulary when you part with them regularly.
My bride and I both would have a gloomy day or so when we had to put the Skid on a plane to the toxic cesspool of Sperm Land for visitation (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring). No tears, no deep depression, just some feelings of missing him. Then we got over it and engaged in our no kid couple time and our usual daily routine.
To me the issue is the depth of his reaction to parting with his kid and not the 4 year post divorce thing.
The grief cycle after a major loss (divorce counts) for most people is between 2 & 4 yeaers. My amazing bride and I married nearly 4 years to the day after my divorce from my adulterous whore of an XW was final. Though I was excited about remarrying and particularly about my amazing bride it did take me another 2 or so years to finish working through some of my first marriage personal emotional baggage and I had a lot of help during the first 4 years post divorce period. I kept seeing the marriage therapist that I had found for my XW and I and she was a hero in helping me reconnect with the Rags I liked being after 2.5 years of disconnection from that very appealing guy.
Get your FDH some help. This is far from normal IMHO.