BF wants custody of his daughter; I don't; We live together
Hi. I live with my boyfriend. He has an 11 year old daughter that he sees every other weekend. Due to some ongoing issues with his daughter, he recently announced that he wants to try for full custody of her. I have no kids of my own, and he's known from almost day one (almost 9 years ago) that I would never be OK with him having full custody. When he TOLD me about this recently, he didn't discuss this with me and won't because he said he already knows how I feel about the situation. We got in a huge fight, and he said that I don't care about his feelings and I'm not being supportive. How am I supposed to be positive and supportive about something that I don't support and never have?! This would have a huge impact on my life, and he's making this decision acting as if he's single and living alone. He won't discuss this with me, he's been sleeping on the couch, politely acknowledging me & otherwise avoiding me. I feel like overnight I'm living with a stranger. He won't give me a straight answer on anything, and I feel like I'm living in this limbo land of emotional hell. I think just like that he's ending the relationship; however, the problem is we're in a lease on a house for the next 11 months. I am devastated, and feel like I was misled for years. All references throughout our years together had convinced me that full custody was something that he'd never be interested in. I feel so betrayed and hurt. He's choosing this over our relationship and making me out to be the bad guy. I don't know what to do and am very distraught over this. I can't relax and feel depressed and anxious. I would appreciate any advice you have to give. Thanks. By the way, this is just a quick summary of everything. There's so much more to all of this, as I'm sure is the case with most everyone's posts on here.
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I don't know. I am so upset
I don't know. I am so upset right now. I can't stop crying. He left out of her at 6:30 pm to meet his friend at a bar to work on his website. He just texted me at 1am telling me he's exhausted and he drank a little and is going to sleep in his car for a little bit. HE NEVER DRINKS, EVER. I don't know him anymore. I don't even know whether to believe him. I've tried calling him and facetiming him right after he sent the text, and he won't answer. He could be with someone he met at the bar. I don't know what to think or do anymore. I feel like I'm dying.
If your BF wanted your
If your BF wanted your understanding, he should have included you in the decision making process. And it sounds like he is punishing you for not just going along with his plan to try and get full custody. This is a big indicator of the type of behavior you will be dealing with if you give in and let his daughter move in with you. Would he sleep on the couch every time the two of you disagree on things? The fact that he didn't ask your opinion on going for full custody shows that he would probably be unlikely to ask your opinion on other things after your SD moved in with you.
The other thing is that his daughter is 11 and he only sees her EOW. Unless she is in a dangerous situation or her BM is willing to just walk away, your BF is going to have an uphill battle to get custody. The courts won't just take a child away from a parent who has had custody for so many years unless there is a good reason.
I don't know your situation, but I think you should definitely try and talk to your BF. If he shuts you down and refuses to listen, then you have to ask yourself if this is the kind of man that you want to live with. Do you want to deal with someone who doesn't ask your opinion and then becomes passive aggressive when you are unhappy with his decision making?
I am sorry you are going through this. Nine years is a long time to be in a relationship. I know you love him, but you also have to think about what is going to be best for you.
it is a pretty big leap in
it is a pretty big leap in the court system to go from EOW Dad to full custody. BM would have to agree or be brought up on pretty heavy drug or abuse charges. Out side of that he can file but I doubt he will get full custody.
he is going to have to prove a change in circumstances you didnt write enough here for us to know if he even has grounds to try for custody.
so before he lays out money for a lawyer he may want to see if he has a case, and if I were you I wouldnt worry about it for now