Why do people feel the need to put on "face"
I got into a good conversation the other day with my mother in law to be about why she puts face on to my fiances ex wife....she hates the ground that this woman walks on and yet the moment the ex is with distance everyone puts on this great show like things are fine and that they are happy to see her...why is that? My fiance does the same thing when the ex calls him he talks sweet as pie to her on the phone but once he hangs up he is mad again? Why is that? When the ex comes to the house I dont even answer the door b/c I am the type to speak my mind and I dont play games with people, ifyou hurt me im going to tell you and if you don t like it then too dam bad thats how I am. But this ex of his doesnt get it, you could tell her that you wish she would get his by a bus and she would not be fazed at all about it. The custody case is over so why feel the need to kiss her ass, she cant take anything away from you anymore? Dont get me wrong this does not imply that things should be said infront of the children, all is well in front of them, but in the situations where its one on one?
Ya know what??? My ex's
Ya know what??? My ex's family does that to his new wife (well not that new, they've been together for 10 years). It's a large family, and not one person can stand her, however...she can be a bit of a shit disturber, and they just want to keep the peace. It's him that has to live with her. They are nice to me as well (and I'm the ex), but I also never gave them a reason to hate me or dislike me, and I'm very much like you. "if you don't like what you see - don't look, if you don't like me - don't talk to me". In one on one situations -I'm a firm believer that I won't start anything, BUT, I will finish it. I'll be cordial, but not a bestfriend. I'm not interested in having a battle of wits with an unarmed man or woman. So sometimes, even I bite my tongue. LOL
I guess i'm luck cause the
I guess i'm luck cause the ex is considered a total biotch and my inlaw all hate her and wont have any contact with her whatsoever. They hated her when she was married to my dh and they hated still when they divorced. THey like me though:) lol... Like i said , i'm lucky. I dotn put faces....i say what is on my mind and if i dont like someone i want nothing to do with them, i say nothing with them i dont want to see their sorry sour ass face!
Just my opinion.
They probably do that
They probably do that because even though the custody situation is over, she is still the "gatekeeper" of their grandchild. Sometimes we have to suck it up in order to maintain a relationship with our child or grandchild.
As far as your FH is concerned, I bet he just doesn't want to deal with any of the bullshiznet and figures he gets more bees with honey.
Courts encourage the
Courts encourage the bio-parents to treat each other as amicably as possible. Its in the best interest of the child. This can be tied into Totalybogus comments as well. It can be applied to anyone you can't stand but have to deal with.
we do it to keep the peace.
we do it to keep the peace. Everyone hates the BM in my situation, but we all have to walk on eggshells around her or she will make life very difficult and it's just not worth it.
I don't!!! Genuine honesty
I don't!!! Genuine honesty rocks my socks and I can't stand it when people act fake towards people they hate. My PILs are like this to a certain extent. My FIL hates BM and won't have anything to do with her, but my MIL also dislikes her, but is as sweet as pie to her and it makes me sick. She complains about her and says she is shocked and horrified by the few things she actually knows about BMs behavior, but she is very nice to her and calls her on her birthday and every few weeks. I've complained about this to my mom and she says that MIL is just keeping on good terms with Psycho because she wants that link with her grandkids in case something happened to H (God forbid!) and Psycho got full custody of the kids. My mom thinks it's a manipulative move that is purely to keep a connection for the sake of the skids. Makes sense, but I still can't stand it and would rather eat my own foot than pretend to be nice and friendly. It's repulsive and nauseating.
"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you." ~Oscar Wilde
I'm going through that now!
I'm going through that now!
BM is a "nut job" and she makes me ill every time I hear her name or have to see her face :barf: She is a 5 minute mom every other night that she calls to ask the kids about their school day oh wait and she's a mom 4 days outta the month when it's her weekend to have them but other then that.....NOTHING! BM and kids dad(my fiance) are divorced and he has full physical custody. She calls with demands or needs us to take kids back early on her weekends and my fiance just talks to her like they're pals and acts like nothing is wrong. It drives me up the wall, knowing everything that she did to my fiance and everything that she still does to him but most of all because of everything that she has done to the kids..."her" kids. I always ask him why he won't just tell her things flat out, plain and simple and call her out when he knows that she's lying to him but he says it's because he wants to set an example, what example and for who?!?!?!? Not her, because she obviously doesn't get it and her way is always right or her demands better always be met ASAP and as for everyone else, screw them! I am so tired of "pleasing" her when she does NOTHING for her kids and NOTHING for us(no offers of money for meds, clothing, school supplies, shoes/boots etc.) Fiance always tells me when I ask, that not only does he want to set an example but he also doesn't want to give her anything to use against him EX. "well i asked him to take boys early, but he said no" and so who will care, not a judge because hey guess what, her legal time to have them is every other Fri @ 6pm until Sun @ 6pm .....it's all a bunch of humongous BS and I am sick of rolling out the damn red carpet so that she stays happy, hopefully one day, she trips on it and falls flat on her face!!
I have told my fiance a few times to: Man up and tell her like it, but of course NOT in front of the kids and NEVER threaten her. It has to be said........
There is a difference in
There is a difference in being cordial vs being a kiss-ass. I don't condone being the latter. Frankly, people like that make me sick to my stomach.
My DH frustrates the hell out of me when I think he's being too soft with XW, and in the same token, he gets aggrevated when the tables are turned with my XH. Bottom line, we are both protective of one another. When each of us feels like the other is being taken advantage of we get territorial and want to fight for them.
With this being said, you must love DH and this is why you feel this way. Your DH is lucky in that regards because the latter would mean you don't give a rat's ass about him.