The things people say...
DH and I have been ttc for a year (I have no bios, he has SD6). I just posted about it in general discussion a few days ago so I won't rewrite the entire post, but I just wanted to vent about something my friend said.
I left the fertility dr on Friday & was pretty upset because they just want to continue with expensive, invasive (in my opinion) tests and after a year of trying, we still don't know why I am not getting pregnant. I text my best friend hoping for some kind of reassurance. Instead, she asked if I thought this was a sign. Yeah, you read that right.
Then she went on to tell me she knows how I feel because she really wanted a girl but she got 3 boys instead. NO. You do NOT know how I feel. You have 3 freakin kids & didn't have to try for any of them. You absolutely do not know how I feel in any way, whatsoever! - that's what I wanted to say. I just didn't respond & haven't talked to her since.
I don't think she meant to
I don't think she meant to offend you or downplay your problems. Sometimes, people just don't know what to say when their friends are hurting, and they try their best.
Aw, I'm sorry you're going
Aw, I'm sorry you're going through this.
I think maybe your BFF was just trying to be supportive, though didn't come out right. I hope things start turning around for you.
Yeah I don't think she meant
Yeah I don't think she meant to hurt my feelings or anything like that. I just couldn't believe she said that. Do I think me not getting pregnant is a sign? Smh..
A year ago one of my good
A year ago one of my good friends lost her mom to cancer. It was incredibly difficult for her, as I'm sure it is for the majority of people, but her mom was her best friend. The same year she lost her mom she found out she was pregnant with her first child- after several miscarriages and alternative attempts to get pregnant and she was just saying how awful it was to finally have something amazing happening and that she couldn't enjoy it fully, she just missed her mom so much more and wanted to call her and experience all of this with her. One of our mutual friends told her she understood because her grandma died when she was twelve.
While I'm sure mutual friend had her own stages of grief from losing her grandparent when she was a child, she had absolutely zero idea what our other friend was going through. I had/have zero idea what it's like for my friend. My mom lives 10 miles away and I haven't spoken to her in years. I think some people just have a way with helping other people deal with stuff and some people don't. I'm sure your friend was probably not trying to be insensitive and it was the only relatable thing she could think of (in her mind, obviously that's not relatable)
I am terribly sorry for what you and your husband are going through. I really hope that it all works out the way you want it to and that you will look back on this struggle and say "wow that sucked but at least at the end xyz happened" and for the record, whatever you believe is your own to believe, but I don't think for one second that this is a sign.
Thank you so much. I
Thank you so much.
I remember when my dad died (5 years ago), I didn't have any friends who had ever lost a parent but they would try to compare it to losing a grandparent. Like maybe if the grandparent raised you, but otherwise.. no. I think people do TRY to relate, but sometimes you just can't.
Aww, I'm glad you were able
Aww, I'm glad you were able to finally get your baby! I hope it works out that way for me. People just suck. It's one of those things that unless you have been through it, you really have no clue.
I feel like that too. So far
I feel like that too. So far I have seen 3 different doctors (2 gyn and 1 fertility specialist) and it really seems like no one is too concerned about me not getting pregnant and all they want to do is tests and more tests. Some of the tests the fertility dr wants me to go for I have already had done in the past year. It's all so repetitive & I have not gotten ANY answers at all from anyone. It's very frustrating.
Thank you. I haven't said
Thank you. I haven't said anything to her about it or anything. This isn't the first time she's said something hurtful like that to me so I'm not sure what her issue is.
Thank you and baby dust to
I was 23 years old when I was
I was 23 years old when I was diagnosed with PCOS. I had to have surgery and the doctor took out one of my ovaries and, while he was in there, decided to take out my appendix, oh and my Fallopian tubes were twisted so he yanked them as well. I hadn't even had sex yet, let alone children. All I wanted, from the time I was a child myself, was to have a passel of kids. Six, at least!! I even had names picked out, Bobby, Cindy, Peter, Jan.. (JK!). To be told at 23 that I would not be able to have my own kids, naturally, was devastating. It still is and I'm 38 now.
I have two wonderful step children. I love them to death, and I know they love me as well. When I talk to people about not being able to have kids, I get told "Well, it must have been God's plan, so that you could be the wonderful step mom that you are". I know they mean it as a compliment, but... I mean, REALLY?
Thank You,
Karis
Hi, I am sorry for what you
Hi, I am sorry for what you are going through. My suggestion is to call your friend when you want reassurance or when speaking about such sensitive topics. Texting often times doesn't come out right. We can read texts in so many different ways when it's just typing. I hope you can mend your friendship with her.