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Len's picture

So I too am having a difficult time and am trying to improve things so that we can have a better marriage and family life. Where do I begin? Her children are good kids and I do love them but there are rifts between us that are hard to get over. Too often are these guys feeling like I am the bad guy and there mother is the greatest and especially their father. I guess this is a source of frustration. BF lives in South America and hardly ever sees them. He calls and does love them but has made choices that keep them apart. My wife left him due to addiction problems and dad had plenty of opportunity to make the right choice of his family over himself. Well he didn't choose his family obviously but mom wants to protect her kids by not explaining the truth to them. OK fine on one level I can understand but see I am the one who has made the choice he should have. I support these kids, any minimal payments from dad have dried up for well over a year now, I take them to their sports, school events, and get together with friends, and deal with the normal frustrations of raising children. I guess I feel that this is an incredible thing for anyone to do. I have basically put on hold most of my dreams and ambitions for the sake of this family. So with this in mind anytime my wife is critical with me I lose it. I'm not unreasonable, the first couple of comments I can handle but then more come and I start to lose my patience and then at night when we lie next to each other and have no physical contact unless I initiate it I can't take it. I begin feeling like less of a man. I begin to think I am weak and possibly mentally ill. The feeling I get from my wife is that I have a problem and need to deal with it. So although I don't believe this is the full truth I am seeking help.

Comments

sadstepmom26's picture

I partly know the feeling. I have 2 sks and have put my dreams on hold for the sake of others who dont seem to ever appreciate it. My DH too takes it personal when I get upset or have my OMG I cant take this anymore moments. All I can do is agree with MM about getting help now. The longer you let this go on the harder it will be to try to fix and overcome.

Life is what you make it.

buttercup123's picture

It's normal to feel the way you do. You resent that you've had to sacrifice so much for kids that aren't even yours. Have you tried counseling? It will be really hard without it. You need to deal with your resentment, and she needs to understand where you're coming from. A third party can help you communicate all that stuff and deal contructively. I resent my FH because of all the baggage he has, so I get it.