The first of 2 mediation sessions between DH and BM was held today.

As DH relayed it to me, it actually went pretty well. The mediator, who is also a court magistrate, pretty much laid it out for them. He told them that both parents need to work to keep the kids' best interest in mind, and that they are both guilty of taking situations to a whole different place, where the kids' best interest is not protected.

Every complaint/concern that BM brought up was addressed in DH's proposed change order (originally offered in March 2013). The mediator went through each of her complaints and pointed out how DH had compromised to address it, and went even further to ask how her proposed change was better or more fair.

Example: BM complains she gets no weekend or vacation time. DH is offering every third weekend during school years, 2/3 weekends in the summer, one full week of vacation during summer, AND splitting Christmas break each year instead of alternating).

She tried to counter saying that's not fair because in summer, the skids have to go 13 full days without seeing her at all every third weekend. The mediator pointed out that the skids will also deal with that during the fall with their father .. and that her counter-proposal of every other weekend still did not solve this problem.

She then went on to say several different times that she doesn't care about child support and she just wants fair time .. to which the mediator countered, "Ok, if you don't care about child support, then lets take it out altogether; so NEITHER party is hung up on what the payment will be. It's minimal anyway in this joint custody scenario". BM sort of peeped out, "ok".

At the end of it all, the mediator sided with DH's proposal almost to the letter. The ONLY thing he gave up beyond what he was offering was splitting Spring Break (previously it was all his). The mediator is drawing up a new agreement for them to sign at the next session (Jan 30).

She's not bound by this, even if she signs it on the 30th. They'll still have to go to court on April 7 to have it finalized and made legally binding. I'm not celebrating anything until that happens, because this is NOT the first time they've walked out of mediation with an agreement that she later backs out of.

I am relieved that they made progress though; her attorney has been pushing her to settle from the beginning. All warnings from everyone have been that it's not good for anyone if this goes to court.

At the very end, DH asked BM that if they sign it on the 30th, does she want to proceed immediately with the new agreement, or does she want to wait until April 7? She said she didn't know, she'd think about it. The mediator immediately jumped in and said, "If your primary concern is not having any weekend time, why would you delay implementing the very agreement that will give you that time?" She just said, "I don't know, I was just kind of expecting to get every other weekend". DH said the mediator looked PISSED. And THAT'S why I'm hesitant to be happy about it just yet. I have no doubt she's not through playing her games just yet.